[Mrs. Jemima Cameltoe]

Originally Posted by Larry Lee

You see, Jemima, that fish did need a bicycle. Still, If you promise to use proper Landoveran terminology, I'd like you to stand up in Church next Sunday and present your valuable teaching to the women of the congregation. For some, your words with resonate with their daily True Christian™ practice (Miss Maisie and BTB, for example). But for others, such as Sue Vera and that Talitha, they would definitely benefit from a refresher course.

Anyway, what do you say?

Brother Lee, you dear thing you, truly you make my cup runneth over. But I must give all glory and honor to the Lord, for it is through His Spirit alive in me that I can utter such astonishingly sage-like wisdom and exhortation to the sisters of Landover. I apologize for my incorrect genitalia terminology, I am still trying to get my bearings having been gone for so long. Now, if I do speak with the ladies on Sunday, I was hoping to spend some time on the subject of vaginal sanctification i.e. proper Christian douching. Would you please enlighten me on acceptable Landover terminology for my, as Mr. Cameltoe likes to refer to it, vanilla vajayjay?

FYI, I have already suggested to Sisters Sue Vera and Talitha that we have some private three on three prayer time. However, you are more than welcome to join us and make it a foursome. I have no doubt you have many blessings to pour out on us.

[Brother Temperance]

Originally Posted by tinioril

Oh, so you guys aren't only intolerant superior Republican idiots, you're also sexist.

So you admit that we're superior? That's nice of you.

I'm Presbyterian and I don't think you people are real Christians.

What do you heretics have against Baptists, eh?

George W. Bush can be described with several words that would immediatly get me banned.

Friend, we would never ban someone for using a word like "wise" "Christian" or "magnificent." Feel free.

[Ahimaaz Smith]

Originally Posted by tinioril

He said the economy is more important than the environment,

You lieberals don't really care about the environment, you just want to throw us back into the stone age. 20 years from now, we'll all have inexpensive and clean nuclear power, and nobody will remember what all that global warming fuss was about.

blocked stem-cell research,

Blocked mass murder.

invaded another country because of false evidence,

Five words: You attack America, you pay.

sanctions torture,

Sometimes self-defense gets a little messy. Anyway, nothing that happens in Guantanamo even comes close to the suffering those Mohammedians will experience in Hell.

provides entertainment by being an idiot.

Just because he speaks with a Southern accent, you Eastern, lieberal, elitist regionalists call the President an idiot. This is the 21st Century, for Heaven's sake. That kind of bigotry is not acceptible anymore, certainly not at Landover Baptist. President Bush is very intelligent, and he has the degrees from Yale and Harvard to prove it. When you have a couple of Ivy League degrees yourself (or even better, a diploma from Landover Christian University), then we can chat about the President's IQ. Until then, stuff a sock in it!

My girlfriend has a picture of him taped to his dartboard.

If she's wasting her time like that, she's obviously not happy with the sex she's getting at home. Not, mind you, that I approve of that kind of thing, but if you're going to fornicate, at least try to do it right.

If he was King, I would move to a good country like Norway, Sweden, Finland, Japan, Austria, Iceland, or Singapore.

If you like them so much, why not go hang out with your buddies in Iranistan instead?

[bastard]

Originally Posted by tinioril

George W. Bush can be described with several words that would immediatly get me banned. He said the economy is more important than the environment, blocked stem-cell research, invaded another country because of false evidence, sanctions torture, and provides entertainment by being an idiot. My girlfriend has a picture of him taped to his dartboard. If he was King, I would move to a good country like Norway, Sweden, Finland, Japan, Austria, Iceland, or Singapore.

I do not mind if I am banned so I will use the correct terms to describe the fiasco that is George W. Bush. He is ignorant, a false Christian, lazy, greedy, an so mind-numbingly mormonic as to defy description (like some of the "True Christians" on this board). Thankfully it was declared long ago that a President could only serve 2 terms of 4 years each. Hopefully, who ever is elected next straightens out all the foul-ups that Georgie caused.

P.S. - A false christian is someone that claims to be a christian following the word of God but in reality is so far away for the Truth of the Lord that they cause serious damage to the efforts of good God-fearing Christians to lead people to the path of rightousness and to the Lord God Almighty.

[VictoryOS]

Originally Posted by tinioril

My girlfriend has a picture of him taped to his dartboard.

I don't know what to make of that, but I'm sure it's depraved. Obviously you're a homer of some kind, though.

[Ahimaaz Smith]

Originally Posted by bastard

A false christian is someone that claims to be a christian following the word of God but in reality is so far away for the Truth of the Lord that they cause serious damage to the efforts of good God-fearing Christians to lead people to the path of rightousness and to the Lord God Almighty.

That's a serious post that deserves some serious discussion, so I'll drop the mockery. I, and everyone I know at Landover, agree 100% with what you said in that sentence. Since we agree on the goal of religion, then, obviously our understanding of God's Truth and yours are very different. I'd like to explore that difference, and I'm willing to bring an open mind to the table. I'm not too proud to admit when I am wrong.

Here's where we come from: The bedrock of our theology at Landover is the Bible. We follow the Bible because we believe that it is the Will and the Word of the Lord--every chapter, every verse, every word. There are some very harsh commandments in the Bible, and many of us wish that some of them were different. Nevertheless, we trust that Our Heavenly Father has good reasons for imposing the commandments, both harsh and pleasant, that he has upon us. Moreover, we believe in the Lord's Prayer: Thy will be done in Earth as it is in heaven (Matthew 6:10), so we do not see it as our place to question the Bible. Note that visitors in our Forums tend to focus on the less palatable parts of our beliefs, ignoring that we believe in faith, hope, and love (1 Corinthians 13:13), too.

If we knew of another source from which were confident that we could determine God's Will, we would use it. Unfortunately, though, God doesn't send angelic messengers to us on a regular basis, we aren't Mormons or Catholics who think there is an infallible prophet living on Earth, and we're going to have to wait a little while before Jesus returns to Earth to guide us. So, I have a few serious questions for you:

How do you personally determine what the Truth of the Lord is?

Is any of His Truth to be found in the Bible (it sounds like you think so)?

Is His whole Truth found in the Bible (we definitely think so)?

If there is a source of God's Truth outside the Bible, what is it?

If there are errors or omissions in the Bible, how are we to decide which parts of the Bible we should follow and which we should ignore?

[Brother Lindh]

Who cares how they cook or vote, if they have long tender necks?

[Wash O'Hanley]

We have enough Liberals, Catholics and pedophiles on these forums-- we don't need the undead too.

[Brother Lindh]

Originally Posted by Wash O'Hanley

We have enough Liberals, Catholics and pedophiles on these forums-- we don't need the undead too.

Don't worry, your neck looks a bit aged for my "taste". Besides that, Sister Noddy likes me. Just look at her neck. Praise Jesus.

[tinfoil]

It's called a typo, for crying out loud. I meant to type "her". Please don't make fun of me for that too.
Stem-cell research involves using embryos that are going to be tossed out in the trash after sitting in a freezer for a while. It's not mass murder!
The terrorists on 9/11 were from Saudi Arabia, not Iraq. We didn't attack our pals the Saudis because they have all our oil.
I didn't call him an idiot because he has a southern accent, I called him an idiot because of wonderful quotes like "Childrens, they do learn!" and the like. Childrens. And this is the leader of the free world?
Sex? You just have a sick mind since I said "girlfriend". I have this thing called "a personal life that doesn't involve sex".
No, I would move to those countries if this one went straight down the toilet by making Mr. Shrub king. That would be awful.
I don't mean superior as a compliment, I mean it as "arrogant and big-headed".
I have against Baptists the fact that they are rascist, sexist, intolerant, Republicans.
Would you ban me for words most commonly represented as ****?
Bush is also spying on our phones and didn't even win the popular vote?
And what wiseguy administrator changed my name to tinfoil? Why did they do it? I should hack your server.

[Magnum Innominandum]

Originally Posted by tinfoil

It's called a typo, for crying out loud. I meant to type "her". Please don't make fun of me for that too.
Stem-cell research involves using embryos that are going to be tossed out in the trash after sitting in a freezer for a while. It's not mass murder!
The terrorists on 9/11 were from Saudi Arabia, not Iraq. We didn't attack our pals the Saudis because they have all our oil.
I didn't call him an idiot because he has a southern accent, I called him an idiot because of wonderful quotes like "Childrens, they do learn!" and the like. Childrens. And this is the leader of the free world?
Sex? You just have a sick mind since I said "girlfriend". I have this thing called "a personal life that doesn't involve sex".
No, I would move to those countries if this one went straight down the toilet by making Mr. Shrub king. That would be awful.
I don't mean superior as a compliment, I mean it as "arrogant and big-headed".
I have against Baptists the fact that they are rascist, sexist, intolerant, Republicans.
Would you ban me for words most commonly represented as ****?
Bush is also spying on our phones and didn't even win the popular vote?
And what wiseguy administrator changed my name to tinfoil? Why did they do it? I should hack your server.

Dear Tinfoil,

You won't find any "rascists" [sic] here -- unless they've wandered in off the streets, as you have. Neither will you find racism or sexism among True Christians™. We try to help Negroes help themselves, for instance. As to women -- we know they're happiest when in their proper place, and a proof of this is the plethora of perfectly content women within this very forum -- and the delicious pies they bake.

Feminazi ideas about "empowering" women lead only to tragedy -- look at where Benazir Bhutto is today. A woman's "power," like all power that is not the Lord's, is limited -- once in a while her husband might permit her to choose what might be added to a pie filling, for instance, and of such seemingly trivial stuff is her self-esteem made. That's not sexism, and it's certainly not intolerance -- it's recognition of human limitations.

You're intolerant. Your model, by analogy, is like asking cripples to leap about like Harlem Globetrotters at the Special Olympics. In reality, the cripples accomplish much by rolling around in their wheelchairs and drooling. They feel good about themselves, and so do True Christian™ women when we applaud their feeble efforts at fulfilling themselves by pleasing men.

As someone devoted to the Word, I share your concern about language. I know, however, that there are different kinds of intelligence -- I myself score very poorly in mathematics, but do OK in verbal skills and theology. It does not strike me as blasphemous to say that the great President George W. Bush misspeaks upon occasion. He is, however, the leader of the free world -- would you prefer that the free world be led by a poet, perhaps, or an insufferable linguist? In the Presidency, leadership skills, not grammar or elocution, are what matter.

And lead us he does! The terrorists on 9/11 were from Saudi Arabia, not Iraq? I regret to inform you that all of Sandland is pretty much the same. Saddam may have admired Stalin -- but he still built mosques (with minarets shaped like missiles, even) and called upon the false God Allah when convenient. He snuffed Marsh Arabs and attacked his fellow mudslime in Persia (which was lovely under the Shah and should be liberated soon) -- but he was still a mudslime, and something of a secularist to boot. The best way to deal with such a situation is to crystallize its simplicity in stark terms, and President Bush has done that for us and for the world. There is his eloquence. You are either with us or against us, friend.

Just as he doesn't have time to try for the kind of complex grammar homers strive for in dusky bathroom stalls -- so he doesn't have time to spy on your phone. You don't rate a wiretap by the underling of an underling's underling. Lily-livered "civil libertarians" like you are a dime a dozen -- the dime being appropriate, bearing as it does a bust of FDR, who did so much to build the Big Government you whine about only when it's not in Democratic (or Communist) hands. Packing the courts, friend? Who was the master?

Intolerance? You stereotype Baptists... but then you're calling all of the Negro Baptists "rascist Republicans," too? Since your language skills are far worse than those of our great President -- perhaps your math is better? Count 'em up here.

Sincerely,
Magna, née Magnus

[tinfoil]

Originally Posted by Magnum Innominandum

Dear Tinfoil,

You won't find any "rascists" [sic] here -- unless they've wandered in off the streets, as you have. Neither will you find racism or sexism among True Christians™. We try to help Negroes help themselves, for instance. As to women -- we know they're happiest when in their proper place, and a proof of this is the plethora of perfectly content women within this very forum -- and the delicious pies they bake.

Feminazi ideas about "empowering" women lead only to tragedy -- look at where Benazir Bhutto is today. A woman's "power," like all power that is not the Lord's, is limited -- once in a while her husband might permit her to choose what might be added to a pie filling, for instance, and of such seemingly trivial stuff is her self-esteem made. That's not sexism, and it's certainly not intolerance -- it's recognition of human limitations.

You're intolerant. Your model, by analogy, is like asking cripples to leap about like Harlem Globetrotters at the Special Olympics. In reality, the cripples accomplish much by rolling around in their wheelchairs and drooling. They feel good about themselves, and so do True Christian™ women when we applaud their feeble efforts at fulfilling themselves by pleasing men.

As someone devoted to the Word, I share your concern about language. I know, however, that there are different kinds of intelligence -- I myself score very poorly in mathematics, but do OK in verbal skills and theology. It does not strike me as blasphemous to say that the great President George W. Bush misspeaks upon occasion. He is, however, the leader of the free world -- would you prefer that the free world be led by a poet, perhaps, or an insufferable linguist? In the Presidency, leadership skills, not grammar or elocution, are what matter.

And lead us he does! The terrorists on 9/11 were from Saudi Arabia, not Iraq? I regret to inform you that all of Sandland is pretty much the same. Saddam may have admired Stalin -- but he still built mosques (with minarets shaped like missiles, even) and called upon the false God Allah when convenient. He snuffed Marsh Arabs and attacked his fellow mudslime in Persia (which was lovely under the Shah and should be liberated soon) -- but he was still a mudslime, and something of a secularist to boot. The best way to deal with such a situation is to crystallize its simplicity in stark terms, and President Bush has done that for us and for the world. There is his eloquence. You are either with us or against us, friend.

Just as he doesn't have time to try for the kind of complex grammar homers strive for in dusky bathroom stalls -- so he doesn't have time to spy on your phone. You don't rate a wiretap by the underling of an underling's underling. Lily-livered "civil libertarians" like you are a dime a dozen -- the dime being appropriate, bearing as it does a bust of FDR, who did so much to build the Big Government you whine about only when it's not in Democratic (or Communist) hands. Packing the courts, friend? Who was the master?

Intolerance? You stereotype Baptists... but then you're calling all of the Negro Baptists "rascist Republicans," too? Since your language skills are far worse than those of our great President -- perhaps your math is better? Count 'em up here.

Sincerely,
Magna, née Magnus

Wandered in off the streets? Are you making fun of homeless people now too?
Oh, you mean the blind devotional followers of your "Christianity"?
I know plenty of women who would start hating the government even more than they do now if it took away their rights.
So you're saying women should be inferior and subservient? If I believed that, I would never have gotten a girlfriend.
No, I would rather have the free world led by the intelligent winner of the 2000 election, Al Gore.
Yes, but we didn't attack Saudi Arabia because they have more of our oil than Iraq. So we buddy up to the country that denies women all rights (like you guys want to) and has public beheadings.
Oh, so other people are spying on my phone. Underlings of the Evil Master. I feel so much better now.
Are the Negro baptists making racist, sexist, and intolerant posts on this website? I think not.
It's called typing fast and making minor errors, not being illiterate.
Sincerely, Tinioril, not tinfoil like some wise-*** administrator changed it too.

[Brother Temperance]

Originally Posted by tinfoil

Stem-cell research involves using embryos that are going to be tossed out in the trash after sitting in a freezer for a while. It's not mass murder!

Embryos don't come from freezers, they come from wombs. They only end up in freezers if they've deliberately been murdered.

The terrorists on 9/11 were from Saudi Arabia, not Iraq. We didn't attack our pals the Saudis because they have all our oil.

That's a pretty racist statement, judging all Saudis just by a few bad apples.

I don't mean superior as a compliment, I mean it as "arrogant and big-headed".

Friend, that may be what you mean by it, but to everyone else, superior just means superior. As in "better than".

Would you ban me for words most commonly represented as ****?

Friend, I should hope that we can carry on our discussion in a more polite and civilised way than that.

Originally Posted by Magnum Innominandum

And lead us he does! The terrorists on 9/11 were from Saudi Arabia, not Iraq? I regret to inform you that all of Sandland is pretty much the same. Saddam may have admired Stalin -- but he still built mosques (with minarets shaped like missiles, even) and called upon the false God Allah when convenient. He snuffed Marsh Arabs and attacked his fellow mudslime in Persia (which was lovely under the Shah and should be liberated soon) -- but he was still a mudslime, and something of a secularist to boot.

Good point. If we hadn't stopped Saddam when we did, he would've gone on to spread his secularist poison all over the Middle East. It'd have been Cambodia all over again.

Originally Posted by tinfoil

I know plenty of women who would start hating the government even more than they do now if it took away their rights.
So you're saying women should be inferior and subservient?

Thinking that women are inferior isn't a normative statement, it's just a fact. Thinking that they should know their place is just common sense.

No, I would rather have the free world led by the intelligent winner of the 2000 election, Al Gore.

I see you don't even try and claim that Gore won in 04. Or do you think he should rule like some kind of a Chavista autocrat?

Yes, but we didn't attack Saudi Arabia because they have more of our oil than Iraq.

Friend, I've heard some wacky liberal conspiracy theories in my time, but you have to be the first person I've ever heard claim that we attacked Iraq because of their lack of oil.

Are the Negro baptists making racist, sexist, and intolerant posts on this website? I think not.

Have you encountered this thread? I'd be interested to see what you make of it.

[Bobby-Joe]

Originally Posted by tinfoil

It's called a typo, for crying out loud. I meant to type "her". Please don't make fun of me for that too.
Stem-cell research involves using embryos that are going to be tossed out in the trash after sitting in a freezer for a while. It's not mass murder!
The terrorists on 9/11 were from Saudi Arabia, not Iraq.

9/11 was plained by Saddam with the Iranians in Tehran. Quit being so blinded by your ideology and look at the facts will you.

[Larry Lee]

Originally Posted by Mrs. Jemima Cameltoe

I was hoping to spend some time on the subject of vaginal sanctification i.e. proper Christian douching. Would you please enlighten me on acceptable Landover terminology for my, as Mr. Cameltoe likes to refer to it, vanilla vajayjay?

An excellent topic! Even the True Christian cooter benefits from some feshening up now and then.

[Magnum Innominandum]

Originally Posted by tinfoil

Yes, but we didn't attack Saudi Arabia because they have more of our oil than Iraq.

Are you trying to say we attacked the other Sand Negroes because they have less oil? Whose oil is it, anyway?

[tinfoil]

Originally Posted by Brother Temperance

Embryos don't come from freezers, they come from wombs. They only end up in freezers if they've deliberately been murdered.

That's a pretty racist statement, judging all Saudis just by a few bad apples.
Friend, that may be what you mean by it, but to everyone else, superior just means superior. As in "better than".

Friend, I should hope that we can carry on our discussion in a more polite and civilised way than that.

Good point. If we hadn't stopped Saddam when we did, he would've gone on to spread his secularist poison all over the Middle East. It'd have been Cambodia all over again.

Thinking that women are inferior isn't a normative statement, it's just a fact. Thinking that they should know their place is just common sense.

I see you don't even try and claim that Gore won in 04. Or do you think he should rule like some kind of a Chavista autocrat?

Friend, I've heard some wacky liberal conspiracy theories in my time, but you have to be the first person I've ever heard claim that we attacked Iraq because of their lack of oil.

Have you encountered this thread? I'd be interested to see what you make of it.

Yes, so what's the harm in using deliberately murdered babies for a good cause? If the babies are already dead, what's the harm. Yes, selling embreyos is illegal and wrong, but using already dead ones is a good thing.

Oh, and you're so non-biased yourself...
I was being sarcastic.

Good, I don't like swearing anyway. There's probably something in the bible against that.
Yeah, we stopped Saddam. Can we get out of there soon?

It's a fact? It's a fact! I know several people who would be outraged by that rediculously sexist statement.

Gore didn't win in 04 because he didn't run. Had the Supreme Court not killed the recount, he would have run due to being recognized as president.

We attacked Iraq because they didn't have too much oil that we would lose but they had enough for us to take once we (should have) easily conquered them.

That thread is racistly stereotyped. Also, I wasn't just discusing your racism against black people. Several of my friends are Asian, and they're all incredibly smart/talented. One is in med school.

And can someone change my name back to tinioril?

[Brother Temperance]

Originally Posted by tinfoil

Yes, so what's the harm in using deliberately murdered babies for a good cause? If the babies are already dead, what's the harm. Yes, selling embreyos is illegal and wrong, but using already dead ones is a good thing.

No, not murdering them in the first place would be a good thing.

Yeah, we stopped Saddam. Can we get out of there soon?

We have to stay on course and support the troops. We can't cut and run before our mission is accomplished.

It's a fact? It's a fact! I know several people who would be outraged by that rediculously sexist statement.

Let me guess: they're women.

Gore didn't win in 04 because he didn't run.

Yes, and he didn't run because he knew he'd lose again.

Had the Supreme Court not killed the recount, he would have run due to being recognized as president.

Stop being a sore loser. Jesus and the Supreme Court gave the right result and that's all there is to it.

We attacked Iraq because they didn't have too much oil that we would lose but they had enough for us to take once we (should have) easily conquered them.

So if they'd had more oil, we'd have lost it instead of taking it?

That thread is racistly stereotyped. Also, I wasn't just discusing your racism against black people. Several of my friends are Asian, and they're all incredibly smart/talented. One is in med school.

He's probably a drug dealer or something. Anyway, the point I was trying to make was that that thread was started by a real live Negro Baptist.

[tinfoil]

Originally Posted by Brother Temperance

No, not murdering them in the first place would be a good thing.

We have to stay on course and support the troops. We can't cut and run before our mission is accomplished.

Let me guess: they're women.

Yes, and he didn't run because he knew he'd lose again.

Stop being a sore loser. Jesus and the Supreme Court gave the right result and that's all there is to it.

So if they'd had more oil, we'd have lost it instead of taking it?

He's probably a drug dealer or something. Anyway, the point I was trying to make was that that thread was started by a real live Negro Baptist.

I'm pro-life except in cases of rape or danger to the mother, but if they're already dead, can't they serve a purpose?

Why? It will just lead to more death. Let's let Iraq handle its own problems and get democracy started without our casualties.

Yes, and they have just as many rights as you and me! They're human beings and that's what matters, so they have rights.

He didn't run because he knew the system was messed up.

No, If they had more oil, they would have been strong enough so that we would rather trade than fight.

That, sir, is an extremely racist statement.
Yes, there is one who no longer claims to be Black and is trying to become white.

[tinfoil]

Originally Posted by Ann Coulter

Oh Pastor Billy-Reuben!!
With the greatest respect, how can a Woman be expected to be intelligent enough to be able to make an important decision like that all on her own?

Look at these statistics:
Zero percent of American 12th grade girls correctly applied math principles to problem solving.

Zero percent of American 12th grade girls correctly applied physics principles to problem solving

Choose what to cook for dinner YES! Choose our Government? NO!

Those statistics are so obviously faked it's not even funny. Is that in special education classes or something?