It's great to see Americans demonstrating their patriotism by smoking out liberal leftist fags driving Prius's or riding bicycles. I'd love to be able to do the same over here in Chinaland, but sadly my limousine isn't diesel powered, so I guess that's not an option.
Of course, we do get a lot of smoke over here, much of it from my company's factories. But personally, I think it gives the Chink cities a kind of cool, subdued lighting effect that's really beautiful. Plus, it's a sign of prosperity.
Shanghai noon: beauty is in the eye of the beholder!
Sometimes the locals complain about the smoke, but then they just wear those little surgical masks, which again I find attractive in its own subtle way.
Chink fashion
We did have a few complaints from the Shanghai municipal government last year when it was noticed that lung cancer rates increased by 350% just six months after my company opened a new petrochemical plant, but I'm sure that was just a coincidence. Nevertheless, as a caring sharing company, the Uranus Corporation paid for totally unbiased medical research to see if the smoke could possibly be harming the health of local residents.
After an 8-day study that cost literally hundreds of dollars, I'm happy to report that our highly scientific team found no ill effects among the population. Indeed, what they discovered is that Chinks are physically equipped to breath dirtier air than Americans. The reason has to do with Chink anatomy. Compare the following photos:
Chink chicks at the beach
American Weight Watchers show off after losing 100 pounds
As you can see, the average American is at least five times the weight of a typical Chink. Thus, they breathe five times as much air. Therefore, a Chink can breathe air that's five times as dirty as in Los Angeles with no ill effect.
Despite our study, some government officials expressed skepticism, and worried that their own health might be in jeopardy from the filthy air. However, we carefully considered this problem, and offered a solution. To understand, have a look at this map of air pollution in China:
Smoke means jobs!
As you can see, most of eastern China is heavily polluted - not surprising since it's densely populated and most of the factories are there. So the obvious solution: government officials should move to Tibet. By doing this, they can enjoy great mountain views, clean air, and occasional strafing of monks with machine gun fire (more fun than watching a dog fight!). Plus, them Tibetan babes are kind of cute.
Tibetan hottie
Looks like a win-win to me!