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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 12-15-2011, 07:19 PM

Q: How do you turn your dishwasher into a sweeper?
A: Buy HER a broom!
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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 12-15-2011, 08:18 PM

A priest and a rabbi are in a bar. They both begin to get tired and the rabbi suggests they call it a night.

"Yeah, I think I'll go home and screw an alter boy," says the priest.

"For how much?" says the rabbi.


1 Corinthians 14:34 Shut up and get back in the kitchen!
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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 12-15-2011, 11:41 PM

What do you say to a Negro in a suit?

"Will the defendant please rise..."


1 Corinthians 14:34 Shut up and get back in the kitchen!
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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 12-16-2011, 04:55 PM

Q: Why do negros only have nightmares?
A: The last one that had a dream got shot.

Q:Why do negros ride all slouched over in their cars?
A: They don't know the mirrors are adjustable.

Q: Why did God give mexicans a nose?
A: So they would have something to pick in the off season.

Last edited by Abner Leopold; 12-16-2011 at 04:56 PM. Reason: miss spelled word.
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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 12-16-2011, 05:11 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Abner Leopold View Post
Q: Why do negros only have nightmares?
A: The last one that had a dream got shot.

Q:Why do negros ride all slouched over in their cars?
A: They don't know the mirrors are adjustable.

Q: Why did God give mexicans a nose?
A: So they would have something to pick in the off season.
I fail to see what these "jokes" have to do with being Christian.


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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 12-16-2011, 05:56 PM

Here is a few jokes that i think is fun, i hope they not over the line, recently i have past the line, not on pupose, but becourse i have been un aware

Quote:
An atheist scientist came to God and said, "We've figured out how to make a man without you."

God said, "OK, let me see you do it."

So the atheist bent down to the ground and scooped up a handful. But God stopped him and said, "Oh, no you don't. Get your own dirt!"
Quote:
A poster read: "God is dead" - Nietzche.

The graffiti underneath read: "Nietzche is dead" - God.
Quote:
The pastor was looking over the crèche the day after Christmas when he noticed that the baby Jesus was missing. He went outside and saw a little boy pulling a new red wagon. In the wagon was Jesus.

We walked up to the boy and said, "Hi, there. Where did you get the baby Jesus?"

The boy answered honestly, "In the church."

"Why did you take him?" the pastor asked.

"Well," said the boy, "I prayed to the Lord Jesus and asked him for a wagon for Christmas. I told Him that if He gave me one, I'd take Him for a ride in it."
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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 12-16-2011, 07:13 PM

This one goes back a few years. One Sunday morning, the Devil appeared at a church service being led by our very own Rev. Jim Osborne. Everyone fled from the church in terror except the good reverend, who simply stood his ground on the pulpit and smiled. When the Devil asked why he wasn't scared, too, Rev. Jim answered, "I've been married to your sister for the last five years, and she's far scarier than you are."


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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 12-16-2011, 07:21 PM

Sorry. Rev. Rodimer, I stand corrected, they don't have anything to do with being Christian, I guess I misunderstood the thread. I just thought it was for jokes with no curse words in them. Please forgive the ignorance on my part, I. will read threads more literally from now on. Thanks for your constructive feedback.
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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 12-16-2011, 08:13 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Abner Leopold View Post
Sorry. Rev. Rodimer, I stand corrected, they don't have anything to do with being Christian, I guess I misunderstood the thread. I just thought it was for jokes with no curse words in them. Please forgive the ignorance on my part, I. will read threads more literally from now on. Thanks for your constructive feedback.
I'm sure you can find some great Christian jokes, right?

(For examples, look at the last couple of posts here. Funny!)


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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 12-16-2011, 09:53 PM

Of course I can Rev. Rodimer. But I won't look at you many of the previous posts, as many of them have nothing to do with being a Christian either. That is what led me astray in the first place was reading some if the previous post's. However I will have plenty of time to think of think of some food ones, while my wife cooks dinner, makes cookies, does laundry & washes the dishes, also watching & taking care of the children, so I can relax & rest my aching body.
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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 12-30-2011, 01:57 AM

How is a dirty Christian like a clean Jew?




They both need a shower!



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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 03-04-2012, 02:36 AM

Why isn't there any Christians in Japan?
- Because they have no Seoul

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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 03-04-2012, 03:36 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Swedish eskimo View Post
Why isn't there any Christians in Japan?
- Because they have no Seoul

You can say that again.


...It's not for lack of effort on my part....


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 03-25-2012, 08:04 PM

Q: What does a muslim schoolgirl on acid look like?
A: THIS.

Q: How many Muslims does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 2: One to catch the schoolgirl, and one to set her face on fire.

Q: How do you get a Muslim woman pregnant?
A: Dress her up as a camel.

Q: How many Muslims does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A: What's toilet paper?

Q: What do Muslim men like the most about having sex with twenty-eight year olds?
A: There are twenty of them.

A Muslim man goes into a drugstore and says to the druggist, "I need some birth control for my eleven-year-old daughter."
"Is your little girl sexually active?" asks the druggist.
"Nah, she just lays there like her mother."


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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 03-25-2012, 09:44 PM

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It's a lake with a slope!





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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 03-27-2012, 01:01 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Trent Harvey, Jr. View Post
Q: What does a muslim schoolgirl on acid look like?
A: THIS.
Good start:

Q. How do muslims drop acid?
A: On a schoolgirl's face.

Q. What have Muslims invented in the last 800 years?
A: The perfect zit-remover...

Q: Why do Muslim schoolgirls smile all the time?
A: You can't frown when your lips have melted off.


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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 03-27-2012, 02:12 PM

A preacher went to visit an eldrly woman from his church who had been admitted to hospital. As he was sitting there talking with her, he noticed a bowl of peanuts on the stand next to the bed. He began to eat them, and soon it was time for him to leave. When he got up he noticed he had eaten all of her peanuts.
I apologize, sister, the pastor said, I notice now that I ate all of your peanuts.
- That's okay pastor, I already sucked all the chocolate off of them, the woman replied.


Matt 5:17-20 "Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil. For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled. Whosoever therefore shall break one of these least commandments, and shall teach men so, he shall be called the least in the kingdom of heaven:..."
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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 03-27-2012, 02:53 PM

Stupid Californians, they dont even know what America is

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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 04-01-2012, 11:20 AM

Zeke and Bobby-Joe walk into a notorious gay leather club and the bartender asks...



..."The usual?"



Bless you, my mirthless miscreants,
Father Mo



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A Cardinal in the making.

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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 04-01-2012, 12:12 PM

A priest is taking a young naive fresh faced young alter boy into the deep dark woods behind the abbatoir.

The boy starts to cry and says that he wants his mummy and the deep dark woods are scaring him.

The Priest replies: "You think your scared? I've got to come back on my own".

YIC
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