General Church Fellowship A place for True Christians to join in praise, faith and fellowship. |
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Distinguished Professor of Prayer Healing and Creation Zoology (Baraminology) Victim of atheist scientific persecution
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Posts: 10,337
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: On a mission in Godless Europistan
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Happy Birthday, Brother Cranky Old Man -
06-09-2018, 02:42 AM
Dear Old Timer Brother,
It is late and your birthday is almost over. I can assure you that this message was not wantonly sent so late but, on the contrary, many of us kept a prayer vigil asking Jesus earnestly not to make you live through yet another tedious celebration. Alas, it seems that this time Jesus answered our prayer (He always answers them( by saying "No, I still need Brother Cranky to rebuke the stupid unsaved masses. There are still souls that he can save!". Who can argue with Jesus? Well, obviously, the atheists can but they will lose. Let us pray that next year we'll all have a nice birthday party in Heaven!
Job 7:15
So that my soul chooseth strangling, and death rather than my life.
Yours in Christ,
Elmer
2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.
PREPARE YOURSELF TO RAPTURE WITH THIS MANUAL!
Check out our Research in Creation Science:
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Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58 Christ's Guardian
True Christian™
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Posts: 23,743
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Mostly on the front porch.
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Re: Happy Birthday, Brother Cranky Old Man -
06-09-2018, 03:41 PM
Hello brother Cranky, I hope you enjoyed your birthday nap.
May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Revelationary Equine Gnathologist for Christ
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,395
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Prodigal Son of Godless NYC.
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Re: Happy Birthday, Brother Cranky Old Man -
06-09-2018, 05:51 PM
Brother Oldman,
I pray that the celebration of your birth brought you much joy as the time spent here on earth draws to a close and you begin to think about the the treasures you've stored in heaven.
May you have the strength to carry your crowns.
Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”
Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man. Amen and Amen
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Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah You kids get off his lawn!
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Posts: 22,438
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Close to God
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Re: Happy Birthday, Brother Cranky Old Man -
06-09-2018, 10:59 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nobar King
Hello brother Cranky, I hope you enjoyed your birthday nap.
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One of the best ever, I slept through my entire birthday.
My wife told me everyone enjoyed the barbecue. However, I would like the person who accidentally "borrowed" one of my spoons to return it as soon as possible!
Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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South of the Border outreach program True Christian™
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Posts: 13,156
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Godly Midwest
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Re: Happy Birthday, Brother Cranky Old Man -
06-12-2018, 10:22 PM
Happy belated birthday, beloved Brother in Christ!
The present this year is a bit late as you had your birthday, very inconveniently, at the time I was traveling.
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Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah You kids get off his lawn!
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Posts: 22,438
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Close to God
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Re: Happy Birthday, Brother Cranky Old Man -
06-12-2018, 10:40 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Basilissa
at the time I was traveling
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I fail to see why your husband still allows you to leave the house. The poor man had to wipe his own behind while you were away.
Ephesians 5:22 " Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands..."
Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 565
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Where God puts me.
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Re: Happy Birthday, Brother Cranky Old Man -
06-13-2018, 03:20 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man
I fail to see why your husband still allows you to leave the house. The poor man had to wipe his own behind while you were away.
Ephesians 5:22 "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands..."
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Judging from the image, I suspect Sister B could be meaning to collect it after to bake into dung cake! How else could she whip something up on a matter of inconvenience?
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Happy Birthday, Brother Cranky Old Man -
06-13-2018, 03:59 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man
I fail to see why your husband still allows you to leave the house. The poor man had to wipe his own behind while you were away.
Ephesians 5:22 "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands..."
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jim C. Lombardo
Judging from the image, I suspect Sister B could be meaning to collect it after to bake into dung cake! How else could she whip something up on a matter of inconvenience?
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Jimmy boy! Jeezuz!! Sis Baz has given us solid financial advice by the permission of a senior man in her household and by the order of me. I am at this very moment taking a most inconvenient flight abroad a Singaporean private jet back from the Nobel-prize-winning summit to divide the world with bro Donnie and Kimmie.
Look at the state of disarray my jet is! I'd have more important issues to attend to than you. And you, Jim, are suggesting that sis Baz would be using human excrement to bake. And you're failing to give the verse + the context. Get your act together singer boyo or you'll be trying to chant Dies irae in the furnace (look up the ref. yourself) and it's gonna be mighty hard when you mouth is filled with molten lead and your rectum with Satan's two-foot tallywacker lined with barbed wire!
And Cranky, still alive, ha? Who could have guessed? And past the fourscore mark? This means that you may now quadruple your birthday tithes!
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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South of the Border outreach program True Christian™
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Posts: 13,156
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Godly Midwest
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Re: Happy Birthday, Brother Cranky Old Man -
06-13-2018, 01:38 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jim C. Lombardo
Judging from the image, I suspect Sister B could be meaning to collect it after to bake into dung cake! How else could she whip something up on a matter of inconvenience?
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Dear, may I politely remind you, that this is the thread where we give Brother Cranky our birthday wishes.
I do not want to engage in criticizing that speck in your eyes (Matt 7:3), but if this is your idea of birthday wishes then you have some serious problems in that void space between your ears.
I will pray for you. I recommend you reread your KJV Bible, paying special attention to Exodus 20:16, Proverbs 19:5, 19:9, and Ephesians 4:25. Please note I am not trying to teach you anything. Just looked at these verses and thought of you, dear.
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True Christian™ Just a Regular Nice Guy
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Posts: 29,835
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Between Lynchburg and Walton's Mountain
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Re: Happy Birthday, Brother Cranky Old Man -
06-14-2018, 12:13 PM
My goodness, Cranky, you are still alive? I thought for sure we buried you after that last Pastoral Card game for LBC Elite. You had nodded off in the chair and we could not wake you. Assuming you had left us for Heaven, we had room service move the body from the hotel suite (Thank you , staff of the Bellagio for expediency and your discretion) out to the desert.
I've bought a case of Dalmore 62 Single Hiland Malt with your chips and will send what is left to you as my birthday gift.
Happy Birthday pal. As always, I have your back as any True Christian ™ does. In God we Trust®.
Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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