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Cake Happy Birthday Sister Mary Etheldreda - 06-13-2018, 04:33 AM

Dear Sister Mary,

Many happy returns on this your day of birth celebration. I hope you have a wonderful day ensuring that the house is clean, the laundry done and making a celebratory dinner for your husband.


YIC
TT


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For behold, the Lord wil come with fire, and with his charets like a whirlewinde, to render his anger with furie, and his rebuke with flames of fire.
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Love Jesus Re: Happy Birthday Sister Mary Etheldreda - 06-13-2018, 05:34 AM

Happy Birthday Dear Sister,

You are a shining example of the transformative Power of Jesus: having been a Catholic harlot (they're all harlots obviously, even the men) you have become a beacon of Hope and Radiant Love for the uneducated sinner population. Praise Jesus for all that and may you join Him soon in Heaven!



Ezekiel 16:35-36
Wherefore, O harlot, hear the word of the LORD: Thus saith the Lord GOD; Because thy filthiness was poured out, and thy nakedness discovered through thy whoredoms with thy lovers, and with all the idols of thy abominations, and by the blood of thy children, which thou didst give unto them;

Verily, Sister Mary. You heard! Bless Jesus!




Yours in Christ,

Elmer


2 Kings 18:25 Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



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Default Re: Happy Birthday Sister Mary Etheldreda - 06-13-2018, 12:32 PM

Well this is embarrassing. Mr. Etheldreda and I both plum forgot what day it was, and bought non-refundable tickets for a quick flight to Bermuda.

I'm very sorry about this, Mary, but we're already in the air.


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Default Re: Happy Birthday Sister Mary Etheldreda - 06-13-2018, 12:32 PM

I asked around the congregation for words to describe you. I hope it gives some idea of how much you are appreciated.

Her face is a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master. (Mitza Lizalor)

Her godly thoughts tumble in her head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. (Handmaiden)

She speaks with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a man who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. (James Hutchins)

She catches your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again. (Nobar King)

Her eyes are like two blue circles with big black dots in the center. (Cranky Old Man)

She is as tall as a five-foot-five-inch tree. (Johnny Joe Hold)

Her previous erroneous beliefs are gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can. (Elmer White)

Mary is always cheerful, she had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up. (Thomas Taylor)

When she speaks, I think of tinkling bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up. (Sister Basilissa)

You are indeed an inspiration to us all and a blessing to Landover - Happy Birthday.




Ec:7:16: Be not righteous over much; neither make thyself over wise: why shouldest thou destroy thyself?

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Cake Re: Happy Birthday Sister Mary Etheldreda - 06-13-2018, 03:36 PM

Happy Birthday, dearest Sister in Christ!



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Default Re: Happy Birthday Sister Mary Etheldreda - 06-13-2018, 05:24 PM

A True Christian™ heartfelt cautious bidding of a mainly agreeable day to you, sister.

To be honest though, I’m surprised Jesus has not called you to Him muscular embrace considering your role in life is pretty much done (I won’t mention ‘the change’ as my nephew may read this).

All the best!

YIC


1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

Revelation 22:15 For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.

Leviticus 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
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Default Re: Happy Birthday Sister Mary Etheldreda - 06-13-2018, 11:14 PM

Mr. Etheldreda and I went snorkeling today. Here is a picture of the swell bunch of people we shared a catamaran with.

We got them all to say, "Happy birthday Mary" as Mr. Etheldreda snapped the photo with his new DSLR camera!

Anyway, we should be back by Sunday evening.
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Cake Re: Happy Birthday Sister Mary Etheldreda - 06-14-2018, 01:40 AM

My Dearest Sister Mary
It's your friend - Brother Larry!
I don't have the words to properly express
All the ways I hope your birthday
Yes, your very special birthday
Is a veritable banquet of success!


May each moment bring you joy
May each hour bring you joy
May each couple hours bring you joy as well
And may Jesus whisper to you
Mary, I am here to tell you
That you won't come close to the fiery pits of hell.


Many happy returns of the day, my mentoress,


BrotherLarry


Print this message for one free gnathology session. Good for the horse of your choice. Expires June 14, 2018. Not valid in the continental USA or where void by law. No cash value. Restrictions apply.


Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
Amen and Amen
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Jesus' eternal love Re: Happy Birthday Sister Mary Etheldreda - 06-14-2018, 12:05 PM

Happy birthday, young lady. So as to not upset Mr. E like I did last year with the entirely inappropriate gift (do you still use it?), I instead prayed with Jesus and asked for Him to provide you with a special message that He created just for you.




Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Default Re: Happy Birthday Sister Mary Etheldreda - 06-15-2018, 06:46 AM

I've sent this attractive air-freshner, if you put liquid incense inside it with some fragrant oil fumes will come out the trunk. I'm fairly sure that it doesn't contravene Deuteronomy 5:8 because there's no such thing as an elephant arriving by sled.
Thou shalt not make thee any graven image, or any likeness
of any thing that is in heaven above
or that is in the earth beneath
or that is in the waters beneath the earth
If your husband disagrees when he gets back, due to the mini-ice age underway in Africa for the next 20 years or so suggesting that elephants may come into contact with sleds, he can destroy it for you. Thanks for always looking your best and for the Scriptures you share,

Mitza.
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Default Re: Happy Birthday Sister Mary Etheldreda - 06-15-2018, 09:52 AM

Happy dear sister! May God bless you for being a shining example of Christian ladylike behavior!


"Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands." Proverbs 14:1
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Posts: 6,178
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: City Hall, Freehold, Iowa
Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Happy Birthday Sister Mary Etheldreda - 06-17-2018, 02:31 AM

Happy Birthday, Sister Mary. Jesus has a purpose for your life, to destroy


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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