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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
04-01-2012, 06:26 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Father Maurice Lester
Zeke and Bobby-Joe walk into a notorious gay leather club and the bartender asks...
..."The usual?"
Bless you, my mirthless miscreants,
Father Mo
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That was neither clean, nor Christian, nor good.
It wasn't even a joke!
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,473
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, IA
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
07-18-2012, 05:30 AM
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 12
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Trollville
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
07-18-2012, 08:26 PM
A nigger and a spic are in a car. Who is driving?
The cops.
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 386
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Geographical center of the Bible belt
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
07-18-2012, 08:32 PM
"After thirty-nine and a half years of wandering in the desert, Mrs Moses finally had enough and asks for directions"
Gary Larson
"The Far Side"
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 227
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Snuggled up by my AR-15
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
07-18-2012, 10:13 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yea-tho-we-walk
"After thirty-nine and a half years of wandering in the desert, Mrs Moses finally had enough and asks for directions"
Gary Larson
"The Far Side"
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Gary Larson on how science really works
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
07-21-2012, 03:38 AM
Do you know why Jesus healed cripples?
Because there are NO RAMPS in Heaven!
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
07-23-2012, 04:57 AM
I hear that Jewish terrorists throw mazel tov cocktails.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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True Christian™ Creation Scientist Fisher of Men
True Christian™
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Posts: 6,835
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
07-23-2012, 05:08 AM
Q: Where did the Jew go after being separated from his family (who were used for medical experimentation), loaded onto a cattle car, subjected to forced labor until he lost 80 pounds, and gassed with Zyklon B along with 200 of his closest friends, with his skin being used to make lampshades, tapestries, and tiny little shoes afterward?
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A: THE FIERY PITS OF HELL FOR ALL ETERNITY, along with everyone else who rejects Jesus Christ's temporary sacrifice (John 3:18).
Psalm 2:4
He that sitteth in the heavens shall laugh: the LORD shall have them in derision.
II Thessalonians 1:7-9
And to you who are troubled rest with us, when the Lord Jesus shall be revealed from heaven with his mighty angels,
In flaming fire taking vengeance on them that know not God, and that obey not the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ:
Who shall be punished with everlasting destruction from the presence of the Lord, and from the glory of his power
The man who is being progressively sanctified will inescapably sanctify his home, school, politics, economics, science, and all things else by understanding and interpreting all things in terms of the Word of God and by bringing all things under the Dominion of Christ the King. -R.J. Rushdoony
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Honorary True Christian™
Forum Member
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Posts: 13,993
Join Date: May 2008
Location: North Salem, Indiana
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
07-23-2012, 10:30 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jedediah
his skin being used to make lampshades, tapestries, and tiny little shoes afterward?
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I was thinking "the home decor section at Macy's", actually.
Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,473
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, IA
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
08-04-2012, 05:52 AM
Saint Peter is sitting at the Pearly Gates when two guys wearing hoodies arrived.
St. Peter looked out through the Gates and said "Wait here. I will be right back."St. Peter goes over to God's chambers and tells him who is waiting to come in.
God says to Peter: "How many times do I have to tell you, you can't be judgmental here. This is heaven. All are loved. All are brothers. Go back and let them in!"
St. Peter goes back to the Gates, looks around, and lets out a heavy sigh. He returns to God's chambers and says "Well, they're gone."
"The guys wearing hoodies?" asked God.
"No. The Pearly Gates."
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
08-05-2012, 03:51 AM
Q: Whats the difference between a Catholic priest and acne?
A: Acne doesn't come on a boys face till he reaches puberty.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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With faith as immovable as the Earth
True Christian™
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Posts: 4,779
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Body in England but HEART IN FREEHOLD!
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
08-05-2012, 05:08 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
Q: Whats the difference between a Catholic priest and acne?
A: Acne doesn't come on a boys face till he reaches puberty.
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Catholicjism
Genesis 22:2 And he said, Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of.
I know God wouldn't let me believe in Him if He didn't exist.
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Director of the German "Holy-caust" Evangelical Crusade Jesus macht frei
True Christian™
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Posts: 5,914
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Black Forrest, Germany
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
08-05-2012, 06:48 PM
1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor. You may be a Muslim
2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.
You may be a Muslim
3. You have more wives than teeth. You may be a Muslim
4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon unclean. You may be a Muslim
5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide. You may be a Muslim
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 28
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: near the big Walmart with the red sign
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
08-06-2012, 12:18 AM
So a Catholick dies and walks through the pearly gates and into heaven...
There's more to the joke, but I thought that was the funnies part.
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Honorary True Christian™
Forum Member
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Posts: 13,993
Join Date: May 2008
Location: North Salem, Indiana
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
08-06-2012, 02:04 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Go_Away_Sinners!
So a Catholick dies and walks through the pearly gates and into heaven...
There's more to the joke, but I thought that was the funnies part.
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Here's a hint for future attempts at humor:
A joke is more likely to be found humorous if the situation is within the realm of possibility. Purely real and impossible situations, like a Catholic entering Heaven, are difficult for an audience to relate to, and such jokes will likely fall flat.
Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,473
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, IA
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
08-11-2012, 04:44 PM
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True Christian™ Just a Regular Nice Guy
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Posts: 29,835
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Between Lynchburg and Walton's Mountain
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
08-11-2012, 06:32 PM
One day the zoo-keeper noticed that the monkey was reading two books - the Bible and Darwin's The Origin of Species. In surprise he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both those books"?
"Well," said the monkey, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."
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A doctor, a civil engineer, and a computer scientist were arguing about what was the oldest profession in the world. The doctor remarked, 'Well, in the Bible it says that God created Eve from a rib taken from Adam. This clearly required surgery, so I can rightly claim that mine is the oldest profession in the world.'
The civil engineer interrupted and said, 'But even earlier in the book of Genesis, it states that God created the order of the heavens and the earth from out of the chaos. This was the first and certainly the most spectacular application of civil engineering. Therefore, fair doctor, you are wrong; mine is the oldest profession in the world.'
The computer scientist leaned back in his chair, smiled and said confidently, 'Ah, but who do you think created the chaos?'
Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 386
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Geographical center of the Bible belt
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
08-12-2012, 03:55 AM
What's the difference between a Barnum & Bailey three ring circus and a Miss America beauty pagent? The circus has a cunning display of stunts.
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Director of the German "Holy-caust" Evangelical Crusade Jesus macht frei
True Christian™
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Posts: 5,914
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Black Forrest, Germany
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
08-12-2012, 12:05 PM
This one is selfmade:
An atheist walks threw the woods and steps into a bear trap. Hours later a monkey walks to him. "Hey monkey help me!" the atheist
says." I help only my own species!" the monkey answered. "I am we have the same ancestor!" the atheist screams. The monkey walks away and says:" I hate deluded fanatics."
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The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,473
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, IA
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
08-20-2012, 08:50 PM
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