Landover to the Rescue - Christian Help Forum A Christian Help Forum led by Sister Daisy Mae Johnson. Warning! Sometimes the Lord's advice is a hard pill to swallow. |
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Winning Souls in his Winnebago
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: travelling the heartland in my Winnebago.
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Re: Brother Levi's guide to the American traveling abroad. -
05-22-2010, 06:05 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by BelieverInGod
This reminds me of a funny story a friend of mine that worked for Schlumberger (Texas based, just a funny name) told me. He said he was listening to the ranting of some towel head who was going on about the evils of America and how America should just get out of the middle east. The funny thing was, they were sitting in a KFC while the guy was going on about this. So my friend finally spoke up and said "You know, if we leave, we're taking ALL our stuff (restaurants, cars, oil rigs) with us." Well I can tell you that Mr. Towel Head was not too happy about that.
So true Brother. However I think I'll stick with Brothers Temperance and Tannor and keep my feet firmly planted on North American soil.
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Sister I would like to clarify something for you. I too have worked in the middle east and your use of the phrase ''towel head'' is inaccurate. The cloth they wear on their heads is more of a linen than a towel so I feel a better description is as a ''sheet head''. We do not wish to offend.
1 Chronicles 16:15
Be ye mindful always of his covenant; the word which he commanded to a thousand generations ... an everlasting covenant.
Proverbs 30:5,6: Every word of God is pure: he is a shield unto them that put their trust in him.
Add thou not unto his words, lest he reprove thee, and thou be found a liar.
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Location: Washington(the state)
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Re: Brother Levi's guide to the American traveling abroad. -
05-22-2010, 08:00 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Levi Jones
If you are in a bar in a foreign country make sure they serve Budweiser. If they don't, move on to the next one. Any establishment that doesn't serve it is not worth you patronizing. Make sure you register your disgust with the patron of the place by asking him what kind of poor establishment doesn't serve Budweiser.
You should then regale him or her by telling them how much better things are in the U.S. than their 3rd world hell hole.
Another thing that angers me to no end is when I'm in a foreign land and they look at me strangely for ordering iced tea! The snarky looks on their faces make my blood boil when they say things like, "You want me to take tea and put ice in it.?" Did I stutter, you limey bastard? Of course that's what I want!
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Speakin' of tea, you just reminded me I need to bring my fresh brewed sun tea in the house; after it brews all morning, I add a little peach juice in it to make it sweet.
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Location: Converting the Unsaved
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Re: Brother Levi's guide to the American traveling abroad. -
05-24-2010, 01:08 AM
When staying in a beachside resort or hotel it is always sensible to remind those serving you and other foreigners that there are Godly Americans™ present and they should be mindful to show you the obvious levels of respect
A good way of doing so is to occupy the sun lounges closest to the pool
If you decide to leave the pool area you can remind those serving you and other foreigners of your continuing presence by leaving your American flag beach towel in your place
Exodus 4:14 And the anger of the LORD was kindled against Moses, and he said, Is not Aaron the Levite thy brother? I know that he can speak well. And also, behold, he cometh forth to meet thee: and when he seeth thee, he will be glad in his heart.
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Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58 Christ's Guardian
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Location: Mostly on the front porch.
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Re: Brother Levi's guide to the American traveling abroad. -
05-24-2010, 02:06 AM
I always wear my stars & stripes swim trunks out so that the waiters always know that I'm paying with American dollars.
May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Professor of Creation Science at Landover University Double PhD. Theomathematics, Racial Science Returned from 10 year South Africa Expedition
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Returned from studying the negro in Africa.
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Re: Brother Levi's guide to the American traveling abroad. -
05-24-2010, 02:39 AM
When I am forced to travel abroad on Scientheistic business and must dine in a local eatery, I have a custom that assures I get the respect I deserve as a True Christian™ American.
No matter the quality, I always send back the first meal delivered to my table after eating a substantial portion. I also complain about how long it took for the food to arrive, even if it arrived promptly. After that, I ask to see the manager. When the manager arrives, I tell him I just saw a cockroach run under my table.
At this point, if the manager does not offer to either comp my meal or offer me a substantial discount, I stand up and begin walking toward the door, complaining loudly. They almost always chase me down at this point and offer either a free meal or at least a free bottle of wine.
Professor of Creation Science at Landover Baptist University
Sodomites! Stop being gay TODAY!
Wherefore lay apart all filthiness and superfluity of naughtiness, and receive with meekness the engrafted word, which is able to save your souls. James 1:21
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Unsaved trash, nigra witch lesbian
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Posts: 262
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Paris
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Re: Brother Levi's guide to the American traveling abroad. -
05-24-2010, 02:59 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Levi Jones
Language barriers can be so bothersome when trying to get those heathens to do what you tell them to. Remember this. They all speak American. They might pretend like they don't, but they are liars by their nature. What you need to do as an American, is to speak louder to jog their memory! The louder you talk, the faster they will comply with your demands. This one works best in restaurants. Lots of finger snapping, shaking your empty glass and whistling too.
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Wait... are you serious? Do you want to perpetuate the stereotype that no american is smart enough to think of any other country? You can't expect people to bow to your awesomeness just because you've kept the "Pat" and dropped the "Ex-". If there's one kind of tourist normal non-american people hate, it's an american tourist. Most that i've seen around my current city seem to make everyone around them want to kill themselves. And since the bible seems to be the only way to convince you people of anything, remember Babel? God made the different languages, not people.
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Posts: 124
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Location: England
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Re: Brother Levi's guide to the American traveling abroad. -
05-27-2010, 09:54 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeb Thurmond
"Forrin-types" (as they like to be called) tend to suffer from historical amnesia, but they will treat you better once you jog their memory as to what Americans have done for them. Try to focus on what the people really value highly, and remind them that Americans gave it to them.
For example, Greeks like democracy, so remind them that Americans invented democracy. In Russia, Poland and so on they value sacrifice. Remind them how much Americans sacrificed to save them in WW2. Middle Easterners loves guns and depend on oil, both of which we invented.
Just don't try to tell the French how we invented capitalism, the French don't even have words for "enterpreneur" or "laizzez-faire".
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Ha ha ha
It's funny because both the word "entrepreneur" and "laissez-faire" are actually originally french!
You're funny
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Re: Brother Levi's guide to the American traveling abroad. -
05-27-2010, 11:24 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sparky
Ha ha ha
It's funny because both the word "entrepreneur" and "laissez-faire" are actually originally french!
You're funny
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You have clearly eaten too many snails if you believe that
Genesis 2:17
But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die
Exodus 4:14 And the anger of the LORD was kindled against Moses, and he said, Is not Aaron the Levite thy brother? I know that he can speak well. And also, behold, he cometh forth to meet thee: and when he seeth thee, he will be glad in his heart.
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Re: Brother Levi's guide to the American traveling abroad. -
05-27-2010, 05:12 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aaron
You have clearly eaten too many snails if you believe that
Genesis 2:17
But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die
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Again, seriously? Didn't you take french in high school?
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Landover Security Superviser Asset Loss Prevention and Personal Security Expert NOT angry and positively NOT Gay
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Posts: 18,555
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Location: Freehold Iowa
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Re: Brother Levi's guide to the American traveling abroad. -
05-27-2010, 06:06 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sparky
Again, seriously? Didn't you take french in high school?
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No, we only speak English here in America friend. As the state legislator in Des Moines said there is no reason for anyone in Iowa to know French so they cut that out of the school programs.
Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.
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Senior Pastor Ex-liberal; converted to True Christianity™ Always Biblically correct
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Location: 13706 Levite's Sojourn Terr., Gibeah Hill, Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Brother Levi's guide to the American traveling abroad. -
05-27-2010, 06:11 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by jennabenna
And since the bible seems to be the only way to convince you people of anything, remember Babel? God made the different languages, not people.
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Yes, and He did it to thwart their evil plans, so maybe that isn't the best argument that different languages are a good thing.
This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.
Questions to ask liberal "Christians" ✞ Things that the Bible doesn't say ✞ Tolerance
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Posts: 124
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Location: England
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Re: Brother Levi's guide to the American traveling abroad. -
05-28-2010, 06:51 PM
Yes, but trying to speak a little bit of the local language will gain you respect and make people more likely to help you out
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Fourm Member
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Location: On my way to Paradise
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Re: Brother Levi's guide to the American traveling abroad. -
05-28-2010, 09:55 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sparky
Yes, but trying to speak a little bit of the local language will gain you respect and make people more likely to help you out
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If they want my tourist dollars, they can learn my language.
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Posts: 583
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Location: Melbourne Australia
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Re: Brother Levi's guide to the American traveling abroad. -
06-06-2010, 09:48 AM
Australians just love tourists.....
Why we have one of the biggest Mardi Gras in the world in Sydney every year.......people come from all over the world and its get bigger each year.
I have never been but I am reliably informed that it is like something you have never witnessed previously
Note: American tourist are particularly welcome so this might be an idea for Landover members seeking something different next vacation
2 Samuel 22:31
As for God, His way is perfect;
The word of the LORD is proven;
He is a shield to all who trust in Him.
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GALS 4 GOD Guidance Counseler Expert at baking, sewing, and rebuking unsaved scum
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Location: At all times between Genesis and Revelation
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Re: Brother Levi's guide to the American traveling abroad. -
06-06-2010, 01:05 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Swish Davidson
Australians just love tourists.....
Why we have one of the biggest Mardi Gras in the world in Sydney every year.......people come from all over the world and its get bigger each year.
I have never been but I am reliably informed that it is like something you have never witnessed previously
Note: American tourist are particularly welcome so this might be an idea for Landover members seeking something different next vacation
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Oh Swish!! No True Christian, especially LBC Brothers and Sisters would EVER attend the Mardi Gras in Sydney (unless of course for research purposes) which usually happens between Late Feb and the first week of March each year.
I actually came onto this thread to warn them of MANY things here in Australia and what to watch out for. It IS best for them to be alert, rather than be alarmed! Especially now that a "fluffy" Christian is the Prime Minister KRudd is at the helm. Gosh, I miss the days where John Howard, an all around good guy and one of President GW Bush's best pals was running the country. Oh, I partially digress.
Just know Brothers and Sisters, now when you come, you cannot expect a viable exchange rate for the US $$. It is also an expensive place to live and to visit.
Secondly, it is best to stay in your hotel room as much as possible as stepping out will mean you are confronted with all sorts of evil debauchery, no matter what state and what city you would stay in.
I would suggest that you leave Melbourne out of the equation on all counts. They are so close to Tasmania it is not funny and I doubt any of you want to end up in any incestuous behavior (which is STANDARD activity in Tasmania). Melbourne also tend to rejoice in Gay activity. They have a game that originated there known (formerly as VFL) but now AFL. They have even tried to pass their gayness onto other states by claiming it is AUSTRALIA WIDE interest.
Sydney.. well The mardi gras is just PROOF of their antics.
Queensland: One would think it obvious that homosexual activity would be standard, given the name and all, but in the main, the only thing to worry about in any capacity, is the deadly insects and sea life. Steve Irwin- thank the lord is now dead and in hell, so that is one less worry, but just know his offspring are still here and continue to do his "works" ANY child named after a prickling weed (bindi) has to be the work of satan himself!!
If any of you do want to venture here, despite the above eye-opening information, please don't hesitate to contact me via PM. I do have a great travel agent who looks out only for the most wholesome activities, but also makes sure you have great time!
YIC,
WS
There's Jesus here,
Just see what He offers me....
Down here my sins forgiven,
Up there a home in heaven
Praise God, That's the way for me!!
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,909
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Brother Levi's guide to the American traveling abroad. -
06-06-2010, 06:31 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Swish Davidson
Australians just love tourists.....
Note: American tourist are particularly welcome so this might be an idea for Landover members seeking something different next vacation
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I guess you're unaware of our wildly successful Mission to Australia a couple of summers ago. Too bad you missed it, but you can read about it and see the pictures HERE.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Pastor of Hermeneutics and Apologetics Bathed in Christ's Precious Blood Apostle to the Cactuses, Tumbleweeds and Jackrabbits
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Posts: 14,181
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: With my nose stuck in the Bible.
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Re: Brother Levi's guide to the American traveling abroad. -
12-15-2010, 09:04 AM
When in a foreign land like Hawaii or Australia while surfing, make sure you paddle out faster to get the waves the locals are seeking. I mean, you are the guest and you are an American. You should get to go first. They can surf those waves any day.
Don't forget to travel to Mexico armed. It is a dangerous place. You should walk down the streets with your pistol strapped to your belt in a holster to let those spics know you mean business.
Christians are superior because we possess an understanding that unbelievers lack. It is through the Power of Jesus only the converted mind is able to understand what is going on in the world; what the Communists are really up to; what Satan's intentions are. Most unbelievers do not even believe in Satan and cannot understand his tactics.
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True Christian™ Televangelist Director of Fundraising and Tithing On the Look Out for Wife #6!
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Brother Levi's guide to the American traveling abroad. -
12-15-2010, 11:36 AM
Here's some more country specific tips.
When in Canada, refer to them as the "51st State" or "America's Hat". They love to be thought of as one of us!
In Ireland, if you visit a pub, don't have any of their stouts. Order a Budweiser and show you're proud to be an American.
In China, if you start making random chink sounds like "Wang ching dong lo pan chung", you're bound, by probability, to actually say something that makes sense. Helps with the language barrier.
In Brazil, it might be helpful to brush up on some Spanish phrases before you go.
Watch the #1 Televangelist Gospel Hour in the World! "Turn or Burn: Accept Christ or Go to Hell with Rev. Jim Osborne." Check your local cable listings.
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Linguistics and Translation Consultant
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Posts: 2,192
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: LBC Language Lab
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Re: Brother Levi's guide to the American traveling abroad. -
12-15-2010, 12:18 PM
When visiting Scotland remark on how well everyone speaks English and that you can almost understand them sometemes. The Scots loved to be compared to our more sophisticated southern neighbours.
Also make sure you get your genealogy traced back to the Jacobites and have a kilt made in Mel Gibson tartan.
The Scots also love tourists saying 'Och Aye' and mentionuing that Scotty was the best Star Trek character.
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#63 on Forbes'...but #1 in Jesus's Heart
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Posts: 6,234
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Freehold, Ia
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Re: Brother Levi's guide to the American traveling abroad. -
12-15-2010, 03:00 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. Jim Osborne
Here's some more country specific tips.
When in Canada, refer to them as the "51st State" or "America's Hat". They love to be thought of as one of us!
In Ireland, if you visit a pub, don't have any of their stouts. Order a Budweiser and show you're proud to be an American.
In China, if you start making random chink sounds like "Wang ching dong lo pan chung", you're bound, by probability, to actually say something that makes sense. Helps with the language barrier.
In Brazil, it might be helpful to brush up on some Spanish phrases before you go.
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I travel to the Ornament once a month. I speak only American, the slopes seem to enjoy the challenge. When in Japland I make the chef cook hamburgers from prime Kobe beef. They seem to enjoy it. Oh and always tell them to cook your fish, its the American way.
In England remind them that with out our help they would be speaking German. Drive on the correct side of the road, dont worry the other drives will adapt in a hurry.
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