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Default Re: All The Nasty Rumors About Pastor Ezekiel (me) - 04-18-2010, 09:32 PM

Okay, I'd like to know which one of you True Christian™ clowns put this photo on the windshield of my Escalade? I found it there after church this morning, and I do not appreciate it!




Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: All The Nasty Rumors About Pastor Ezekiel (me) - 04-18-2010, 09:38 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Okay, I'd like to know which one of you True Christian™ clowns put this photo on the windshield of my Escalade? I found it there after church this morning, and I do not appreciate it!


You don't want it under your windshield, yet you post it here on the Forums, for everyone to see? Is there something you want to say, dear Pastor?


Sweet Lord Jesus,
I want to pray for those who persecute me, my Lord.
Please, treat their children as you treated those of Egypt, when they upset you! (Psalm 135:8-9)
Dash their little children against the stones for their fathers iniquity! (Psalm 137:8-9)
Hit them on the cheek, and smash out their teeth! (Psalm 3:7)
Make their death and descent into Hell swift and terrible! (Psalm 55:15)
Scatter their broken bodies over the streets of their evil cities, like Benghazi, Amsterdam, Tokyo and Mecca! (Psalm 110:6)
Praised be Your Glorious Name™.

Amen.

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Default Re: All The Nasty Rumors About Pastor Ezekiel (me) - 04-18-2010, 10:30 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Okay, I'd like to know which one of you True Christian™ clowns put this photo on the windshield of my Escalade? I found it there after church this morning, and I do not appreciate it!


As I told you this morning Zeke, the pastor's parking faculty is under 24/7 surveillance since 911. The only person who could have snuck in there was Jesus Christ Himself.



Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

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Default Re: All The Nasty Rumors About Pastor Ezekiel (me) - 04-18-2010, 10:45 PM

Wow. I had to see it to believe it...

Pastor Zeke becoming spiritual? If that really is true, than I can have hope again for every single human being on this planet. Next thing you're going to tell me is that George W Bush has joined the Taliban, and is making his first hajj to Mecca...

What Path of Buddhism, by the way? Theravada, Mahayana, Vajrayana or something else? Of course, in Tibet, it's mostly a combination of the latter two. Have you thought about your entrance to nirvana already? I'm afraid there is still a lot of negative karma there, so I think it will be the wheel of Samsara for you. As a catholic altarboy next time.

Wait till the girls hear this...


An it harm none, do what thou wilt.

And therefore let there be beauty and strength, power and compassion, honour and humility, mirth and reverence within you.


Why I'm no longer a Christian: how the Landover Baptist Church ruined my life!
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Default Re: All The Nasty Rumors About Pastor Ezekiel (me) - 04-18-2010, 11:25 PM

Pastor Zeke,

Why do so many people who come here seem to think you're a Mormon? I've looked through all of the posts on this forum and I can't even count how many times I saw "Pastor Zeke, you're a piffling mormon". Why do they always think that you're a mormon?
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Default Re: All The Nasty Rumors About Pastor Ezekiel (me) - 04-19-2010, 02:25 PM

@all I cannot imagine anyone saying anything but nice things about Pastor Ezekiel.


I Jesus!
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Default Re: All The Nasty Rumors About Pastor Ezekiel (me) - 04-19-2010, 03:24 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Talitha View Post
So this explains the mysterious slant I've seen wandering around outside your house dressed in some kind of blanket and wearing sandals.
If I hadn't seen a bald head I would have taken him for the second coming of Our Lord Jesus.

My business affairs are certainly NOT anything to do with Dom anything.

As every Pastor knows who has been through my doors, I merely offer Executive stress relief to the hard working men of our community.
The fact that I have a historical collecton of Whips, Chains and other ephemera is neither here nor there.
A Girl needs a hobby after all.

I take it, Pastor Ezekiel (I cannot say what I usually call you) that you will be cancelling your next appointment?
I, for one, will not let rumour-mongerers (who are probably secretly Obama supporting muslim atheist liberals anyway) hurt the reputation of Sister Talitha. I have personally conducted certain physical-biological experiments with her where the use of her instruments helped to advance the knowledge base of Creation Science. The relief of stress was secondary to this scientific advancement but greatly appreciated nevertheless.
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Default Re: All The Nasty Rumors About Pastor Ezekiel (me) - 04-19-2010, 04:02 PM

So Zeke,

Since you have nothing to hide do you want to tell the rest of the the world what you told use this morning? I am sure there are many people still unclear as to why a Christian pastor was standing in a waterfall at 6:00am doing meditation to "align his charkas" and while wearing an aunk.

Were all ears Zeke. I mean considering it was only six months ago you were telling us meditation is Satan's forplay to get you to relax your behind before prodding.



Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

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Default Re: All The Nasty Rumors About Pastor Ezekiel (me) - 04-19-2010, 04:08 PM

I have good news, everybody!

A friend of mine who lives in Freehold (he frequents this forum, but has for some reason asked I not share his name, so we will call him Rev. X) and I are both playing Foursquare. It's a game using your cellphone to track your location, and you can "claim" areas as yours if you go there more often than other people.

I saw yesterday Rev. X was at Zeke's estate for two hours. So naturally I asked him what all was going on there.

It seems that Zeke did indeed build a 5,000-square-foot addition and bring in a number of Thai boys. He convinced them to leave Thailand's brothels and come to the US by telling them he was building them a monastery.

Zeke is a very clever man!

Now that the boys are here, Zeke allows Godly Christian men to witness to the boys one-on-one, showing them the Love of Jesus! Zeke requests a small donation ($500/hour) in exchange for this opportunity for a man to show off his witnessing prowess; to aid in the competition, Zeke is putting half of the donations into a "jackpot" for the man who converts the most boys! The other half will be used to bring over additional boys as the current crop converts and moves back to Thailand to spread the Love of Jesus there.

Rev. X tells me the men of Freehold (and from other states, even) are lining up around the block to demonstrate their skills, and that you can hear their calls to God and Jesus halfway down the driveway!

So you see, all these filthy lies about Zeke becoming a Buddhist are just ridiculous; they don't explain the evidence at all! He's trying to save the souls of Thai male prostitutes by building them a fake monastery, playing as though he's Buddhist too, and having them witnessed to repeatedly by scores of Christian men until they wear out down, convert, and are sent back to Thailand to spread the Good Word.

You gossip mongers should be ashamed!

Quote:
Originally Posted by IAmJustAMan View Post
you do know you can be a Buddhist AND a Christian right?
While Christianity is a religion, Buddhism is more along the lines of a 'way of life.'
buddhism for the most part just teaches you to be a good person and not be materialistic. thats it. no worshiping idols or anything. it technically isint a religion.
So, apparently you know nothing of Buddhism.

Quote:
Most scholars divide the different types of Buddhism into three sections. The first of these is Southern Buddhism, or Theraveda Buddhism. The word Theraveda is a word in the Pali language (thought to be spoken by the Buddha) that means “the Doctrine of the Elders”. The biggest aim in the Theraveda practice is to use meditation to train the mind, and to encourage freedom of the mind from suffering. This freedom from suffering will allow you to reach the greatest spiritual goal – Nirvana. Theraveda Buddhism is the only surviving school from the earliest years of Buddhism, and it is mostly practiced today in Sri Lanka, Laos and Cambodia.

In other words, atheism with some meditation - MR

The second type of Buddhism that is mentioned is Eastern Buddhism, also known as Mahayana Buddhism. This sect not only teaches the Pali Canon (which is the religious text of Theraveda Buddhism) but also includes additional texts and beliefs. In order to reach Nirvana, Mahayana Buddhists believe that a person must practice universal compassion, which is the altruistic quest of the Bodhisattva to attain the “Awakened Mind” of Buddhahood. Mahayana Buddhism also has a level of mysticism involved. This type of Buddhism is practiced in China, Korea and Japan, as well as parts of other Asian countries.

In other words, meditation and witchcraft. -MR

The third of the different types of Buddhism is Northern or Tibetan Buddhism. Tibetan Buddhism is also considered to be a type of Mahayana Buddhism, but it also embraces other teachings, texts and practices that are not seen in the Eastern type of Mahayana Buddhism. Tibetan Buddhism is also sometimes called Tantric Buddhism or Vajrayana. This type of Buddhism uses both the Mahayana and Theraveda scriptures, as well as a number of Buddhist Tantras – all of which are aimed at attaining Buddhahood in just one lifetime instead of requiring many reincarnations.
A little bit of research into Tibetan Buddhism will show you their pantheon of bizarre and terrifying demons, which they worship. Are you into worshipping demons? Because that's what Buddhists do.

Tell me, do you believe in Karma?

Quote:
What is Karma?

Karma is the law that every cause has an effect, i.e., our actions have results. This simple law explains a number of things: inequality in the world, why some are born handicapped and some gifted, why some live only a short life. Karma underlines the importance of all individuals being responsible for their past and present actions. How can we test the karmic effect of our actions? The answer is summed up by looking at (1) the intention behind the action, (2) effects of the action on oneself, and (3) the effects on others.
According to Karma, people who are born blind or retarded DESERVE IT. Poor people DESERVE IT. Aren't you one of the people who calls us evil for saying exactly that?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Miss Cassandra View Post
Wow. I had to see it to believe it...

Pastor Zeke becoming spiritual?

Wait till the girls hear this...
You're going to tell your dirty pillows the lies about Zeke? Why haven't they heard the rumors already?

Let me guess . . . thanks to your decades of "bra-burning", the "girls" now drag on the ground?


Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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Default Re: All The Nasty Rumors About Pastor Ezekiel (me) - 04-19-2010, 04:13 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe View Post
So Zeke,

Since you have nothing to hide do you want to tell the rest of the the world what you told use this morning? I am sure there are many people still unclear as to why a Christian pastor was standing in a waterfall at 6:00am doing meditation to "align his charkas" and while wearing an aunk.

Were all ears Zeke. I mean considering it was only six months ago you were telling us meditation is Satan's forplay to get you to relax your behind before prodding.
I was taking a cold shower after having spent the night viewing lezbeanic porno in order to understand satan's wiles all the better.You have no idea what we True Christian™ pastors have to endure.

And since when are you spying on me taking a shower in my imported ice-cold Japanese Zen waterfall, BJ?


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: All The Nasty Rumors About Pastor Ezekiel (me) - 04-19-2010, 04:26 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
I was taking a cold shower after having spent the night viewing lezbeanic porno in order to understand satan's wiles all the better.You have no idea what we True Christian™ pastors have to endure.

And since when are you spying on me taking a shower in my imported ice-cold Japanese Zen waterfall, BJ?
erm? Don't you remember: Rev Osborne asked the Security Detachment to video monitor all the backyards in Freehold for immoral behavior. Women were rumored to be polluting themselves while sunbathing, pastors were concerned and Obsorne was to review all the videos of women sunbathing. Don't you remember this Pastor Zeke? Rev Osborne told my you authorized it.



Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

Hot Must ReadThreads!


Time to come clean on Benghazi Mr Obama!
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Default Re: All The Nasty Rumors About Pastor Ezekiel (me) - 04-19-2010, 08:27 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
I was taking a cold shower after having spent the night viewing lezbeanic porno in order to understand satan's wiles all the better. You have no idea what we True Christian™ pastors have to endure.
You are true man of God, and I am so grateful you found your calling.


Can you tell us more about the results, Pastor Zeke? Was it painful to watch?
How long did you last before you needed to cleanse and purify yourself with a cold shower?


http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_9udvx6bkzQ0/RfrUbR-HEqI/AAAAAAAAAAU/lzPc6fY5fng/s400/Jesus+cross.jpg

God loves me so much
that he killed his only son so I can live forever.


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Default Re: All The Nasty Rumors About Pastor Ezekiel (me) - 04-19-2010, 09:08 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe View Post
erm? Don't you remember: Rev Osborne asked the Security Detachment to video monitor all the backyards in Freehold for immoral behavior. Women were rumored to be polluting themselves while sunbathing, pastors were concerned and Obsorne was to review all the videos of women sunbathing. Don't you remember this Pastor Zeke? Rev Osborne told my you authorized it.
Ozzy ordered that? Why that bloated old has-been....


Brother BJ, I want the surveillance OFF MY ESTATE within 24 hours! I'm off to Katmandu to see my guru Buddhist art dealer.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: All The Nasty Rumors About Pastor Ezekiel (me) - 04-19-2010, 09:44 PM

Zeke, you've gone too far this time. There's no way we're hanging this up in the ministry staff conference room.



Edit: I just got a call from Amy. She said we just had one of these abominations delivered to the house?!!


Christians are superior because we possess an understanding that unbelievers lack. It is through the Power of Jesus only the converted mind is able to understand what is going on in the world; what the Communists are really up to; what Satan's intentions are. Most unbelievers do not even believe in Satan and cannot understand his tactics.



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Default Re: All The Nasty Rumors About Pastor Ezekiel (me) - 04-19-2010, 09:46 PM

Certainly this is explainable.
Pastor.jpg
Attached Images
 


God judgeth the righteous, and God is angry [with the wicked] every day.
-Psalms 7:11
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Default Re: All The Nasty Rumors About Pastor Ezekiel (me) - 04-19-2010, 09:46 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Levi Jones View Post
Zeke, you've gone too far this time. There's no way we're hanging this up in the ministry staff conference room.
Why does Zeke have a circular saw blade in his belly?

Is that representing his cutting wit, used in spreading the Love of Jesus?


Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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Default Re: All The Nasty Rumors About Pastor Ezekiel (me) - 04-19-2010, 09:49 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. M. Rodimer View Post
Why does Zeke have a circular saw blade in his belly?

Is that representing his cutting wit, used in spreading the Love of Jesus?
I don't know, Revered, but I would be expecting your copy in a couple of days.

The guy's ego is out of control.


Christians are superior because we possess an understanding that unbelievers lack. It is through the Power of Jesus only the converted mind is able to understand what is going on in the world; what the Communists are really up to; what Satan's intentions are. Most unbelievers do not even believe in Satan and cannot understand his tactics.



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Default Re: All The Nasty Rumors About Pastor Ezekiel (me) - 04-19-2010, 10:08 PM

Does anyone of you know what happened this afternoon? I thought I heard a cow bellowing during maybe a particularly problematic delivery, but it turned out to come from the estate of Pastor Zeke.

I then realized that it sounded unsettlingly much like the demon-summoning chants of a certain false religion:



Did you hear it as well? What could it have been?


Sweet Lord Jesus,
I want to pray for those who persecute me, my Lord.
Please, treat their children as you treated those of Egypt, when they upset you! (Psalm 135:8-9)
Dash their little children against the stones for their fathers iniquity! (Psalm 137:8-9)
Hit them on the cheek, and smash out their teeth! (Psalm 3:7)
Make their death and descent into Hell swift and terrible! (Psalm 55:15)
Scatter their broken bodies over the streets of their evil cities, like Benghazi, Amsterdam, Tokyo and Mecca! (Psalm 110:6)
Praised be Your Glorious Name™.

Amen.

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Default Re: All The Nasty Rumors About Pastor Ezekiel (me) - 04-19-2010, 10:16 PM

@many I don't think anyone should be mean to Pastor Ezekiel. He is the best Pastor there is!


I Jesus!
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Default Re: All The Nasty Rumors About Pastor Ezekiel (me) - 04-19-2010, 11:54 PM

Pastor Zeke, maybe it time to get a body guard.Looks like there are a few heathens that have it in for you, like Cassandra?
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