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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,909
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Pew Price War Breaks Out! -
09-09-2007, 07:31 AM
Well it was bound to happen. The penny-pinching joos have upped the price of a pew to $1.8 million. What I don't buy is their claim that a joo can pass it on to it's hook nosed children. I have it on good authority that not only does the joo "church" charge an inheritance fee (in six digits!), but the joo parents make their own kids buy the pews off them right before Jesus sends them to eternal damnation. Why anyone would pay that kind of dough just to hear some rabbit brag about how his ancestors killed Christ is beyond me.
Quote:
Synagogue seats go for $1.8M
MIAMI BEACH, Fla. - Just in time for the Jewish high holidays, two lifetime front-row seats to services at a synagogue here are being auctioned off on eBay. The bidding starts at $1.8 million.
Besides getting to schmooze up front with the rabbi, the lucky winner's family name will be engraved on Seats 1 and 2 of Row 1, Section DD, at Temple Emanu-El. The winner also will receive free parking, two custom-made prayer shawls and yarmulkes, and a hefty tax write-off. Plus, the winning bidder can pass the seats down to his or her children.
"It's a gift that goes from one generation to another," said Rabbi Kliel Rose, who came up with the concept with a little bit of chutzpah and the help of two congregants who work in advertising and marketing.
Temple Emanu-El is a 1,400-seat conservative congregation that was founded in the 1940s on South Beach. It had thousands of members in its heyday, but the temple shrunk to a little more than 200 families by the time Rose arrived two years ago.
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FYI: There will be an emergency meeting with our high-priced joo accountants on Saturday night. All pastors are required to attend. Pastor Pistle thinks its high time we restructured our tithing levels, to adjust for inflation.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 407
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: gods country, ozarks
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Re: Pew Price War Breaks Out! -
09-09-2007, 03:46 PM
Leave it to the joos to make millions off god, like they can buy there salvation.
You can surely see by this latest crop of joos why there are only 200 people there now.
We can only pray that they have found the real god in Jesus.
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Senior Usher True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom A very nice young man
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,647
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: South Yorkshire, hotbed of sin
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Re: Pew Price War Breaks Out! -
09-10-2007, 12:21 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
Well it was bound to happen. The penny-pinching joos have upped the price of a pew to $1.8 million. What I don't buy is their claim that a joo can pass it on to it's hook nosed children. I have it on good authority that not only does the joo "church" charge an inheritance fee (in six digits!), but the joo parents make their own kids buy the pews off them right before Jesus sends them to eternal damnation. Why anyone would pay that kind of dough just to hear some rabbit brag about how his ancestors killed Christ is beyond me.
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Wait a second. Is this scheme based on...trying to get Joos to pay for something? Someone really didn't think this one through.
O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.
God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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