General Church Fellowship A place for True Christians to join in praise, faith and fellowship. |
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The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,473
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, IA
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
03-23-2013, 03:14 PM
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 34
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ozarks. We move around a lot.
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
04-13-2013, 02:21 PM
Q: What is white at the top and black at the bottom?
A: Society!
Q: What do you call a woman who can't make sandwiches?
A: Single.
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Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance Christ's Rottweiler
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Posts: 22,742
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Toiling selflessly towards Salvation
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
04-21-2013, 11:31 AM
Here's an old one:
A Roman Catholic who had filled up the measure of his iniquities as far as he dared went to the priest to confess and obtain absolution. He entered the apartment of the priest and addressed him thus, ‘Holy father, I have sinned.’
The priest bade him kneel before the penitential chair. The penitent was looking about, and saw the priest’s gold watch lying upon the table within his reach; he seized it and put it in his bosom. The priest approached him and requested him to acknowledge the sins for which he wished absolution.
‘Father,’ said the rogue, ‘I have stolen, and what shall I do?’
‘Restore,’ said the priest, ‘the thing you have stolen to its rightful owner.’
‘Do you take it,’ said the penitent.
‘No, I shall not,’ said the priest; ‘you must give it to the owner.’
‘But he has refused to take it.’
‘If this be the case you may keep it.’
The priest granted him full absolution; and the penitent knelt and kissed his hand, craved his benediction, crossed himself, and departed with a clear conscience, and a very valuable gold watch into the bargain.
– Walter Baxendale, Dictionary of Anecdote, Incident, Illustrative Fact, 1888
This shows that Catlix have been liars, cheats and thieves for at least 115 years.
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 289
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: On Earth now, waiting for the rapture
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
04-23-2013, 09:29 PM
Q: A nigra, a jew, and a mexican jump off a bridge. who wins?
A: Society
Q: A nigra, a jew, and a mexican jump off a bridge, who lands first?
A: Who cares
2 Samuel 11:13 And when David had called him, he did eat and drink before him; and he made him drunk: and at even he went out to lie on his bed with the servants of his lord, but went not down to his house.
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Christ's Battle Axe
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Posts: 2,777
Join Date: Dec 2006
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
04-23-2013, 09:34 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bubba McRightman
Q: What is white at the top and black at the bottom?
A: Society!
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You got me there, Bubba. I would have guessed Obama and Biden.
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The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,473
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, IA
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
04-27-2013, 02:09 AM
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 46
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Northern Illinois
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
04-27-2013, 06:19 AM
Two Muslimp women were conversing one day about their children. One said, "My little Achmed, he went to Heaven only a month ago after he martyred himself with a car bomb. And it's been two years now since Abdhullah, my oldest son, martyred himself with a TNT vest." The other said, "Oh, I know. One day you're feeding them, and changing their diapers, burping them, sending them off to school, watching them learn, and before you know it they're all blown up."
Yours always in the name of Jesus Christ, our Savior,
Marc
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
04-28-2013, 02:46 AM
A heahen man walks into an adult porno store and asks for an inflatable doll.
Guy behind the counter says, "Male or female?"
Customer says, "Female"
Counter guy asks, "Black or white?"
Customer says, "White"
Counter guy asks, "Christian or Muslim?"
Customer says, "What the hell does religion have to do with it?"
Counter guy says, "A whole lot, as a matter of fact.-- The Muslim one blows itself up!"
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 728
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Manalapan, FL
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
05-09-2013, 03:16 PM
Q: A colored woman has 5 boys all named Tyrone how does she tell them apart.
A: By their last name.
Thank you.
Rusty
Psalms 116:6 The LORD preserveth the simple: I was brought low, and he helped me.
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Southern Hospitality Exemplified Always kind and loving
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,824
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: mostly at the Cracker Barrel
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
05-09-2013, 05:32 PM
Negro 1 walks into a convenience store, grabs a Coke and a bag of Doritos Nacho Cheese chips, and heads to the checkout counter and begins to pay for his items.
Negro 2 runs up before he can finish, grabs his chips, and runs out of the store.
Negro 1 yells: "Wait a minute! That's NACHO Cheese!"
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 289
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: On Earth now, waiting for the rapture
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
05-09-2013, 11:47 PM
Q: What are three things you can't give a negro?
A: A black eye, a fat lip and a job.
A white guy is walking down the street and finds a lamp. He picks it up and rubs some of the dust off of it and poof, a genie appears. The guy says "I wish I was hung like a negro."
So the genie lynched him.
YIC
2 Samuel 11:13 And when David had called him, he did eat and drink before him; and he made him drunk: and at even he went out to lie on his bed with the servants of his lord, but went not down to his house.
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Unsaved trash, Arrogant Atheist Dick
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Posts: 14,455
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: The other end of the internet
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
05-21-2013, 06:04 AM
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Unsaved trash, Arrogant Atheist Dick
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Posts: 14,455
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: The other end of the internet
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
05-24-2013, 06:52 PM
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 289
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: On Earth now, waiting for the rapture
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
05-25-2013, 02:09 AM
Twelve priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally naked, while a beautiful, big-breasted nude model danced before them.
Each priest had a small bell attached to his penis. They were told that anyone whose bell rang when the nude model danced in front of them would not be ordained, because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity. The beautiful model danced before the first candidate, with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests until she got to the final priest.
As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off and fell clattering to the ground. Embarrassed, he took a few steps forward and bent over to pick up the bell…
Then all the other bells started to ring.
2 Samuel 11:13 And when David had called him, he did eat and drink before him; and he made him drunk: and at even he went out to lie on his bed with the servants of his lord, but went not down to his house.
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The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,473
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, IA
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
06-02-2013, 03:09 AM
Well, this is true.....
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
06-05-2013, 01:58 AM
A Mary-worshiping Catholic goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the church.
Inside he finds a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On one wall there's a row of decanters with fine whiskey and Waterford crystal glasses. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.
Then the priest comes in. "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."
The priest replies, "Get out, you idiot, you're on my side!”
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
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Posts: 6
Join Date: Jun 2013
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
06-11-2013, 10:03 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
A ten-year-old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming knowledgeable about the Bible.
But one day, she surprised her grandmother by asking, "Which virgin was the mother of Jesus? The Virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?"
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LOL i like this much of laugh
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Unsaved Trash, revolting gay pervert
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Posts: 14
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: on my knees for some hairy stranger
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
06-11-2013, 01:23 PM
What do you call 2 Christians in a sleeping bag?
Double murder, because nobody likes you :)
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,719
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: MAGA Country, USA
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
06-11-2013, 08:12 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by I Am Homosexual :)
What do you call 2 Christians in a sleeping bag?
Double murder, because nobody likes you :)
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Thank you, hellbound Godmocking sissyfag, for proving the Holy Bible 100% true and correct, and for helping pave the way of the righteous into heaven. I'll look down from there and give you a big thumbs up for that as you beseech God to forgive you and spare you the fiery tortures of hell you so deserve.
Psalm 9:13-14 Have mercy upon me, O Lord; consider my trouble which I suffer of them that hate me, thou that liftest me up from the gates of death:
That I may shew forth all thy praise in the gates of the daughter of Zion: I will rejoice in thy salvation.
Jeremiah 20:11 But the Lord is with me as a mighty terrible one: therefore my persecutors shall stumble, and they shall not prevail: they shall be greatly ashamed; for they shall not prosper: their everlasting confusion shall never be forgotten.
Glory onto Him.
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Ladies of Landover Senior VP One of the Truest Christians™ Ever Mama Grizzly and formerly Sister Mary Maria
True Christian™
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Posts: 12,662
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Standing behind my husband
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
08-29-2013, 04:34 PM
Why did the godly German soldier bring red and yellow paint to work? So he could whip up some orange Joos in the morning!
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