[lukasekman]

I suggest that America needs a Department of Family Values (DFV).

The Department of Family Values has a vital mission: to secure the Christian nation from the many threats we face. This requires the dedication of more than 240,000 employees in jobs that range from protecting our children from homosexual lifestyle, from exorcist to corporal punishment advisor. Our duties are wide-ranging, but our goal is clear - keeping America safe.

Mission: Keeping a Christian Nation
The Department of Family Values provides the coordinated, comprehensive federal response in the event of a sudden rise of atheism, divorce, widespread demon possession or other large-scale emergency while working with federal, state, local, and private sector partners to ensure a swift and effective recovery effort. The Department builds a Rapture Ready and Christian nation through efforts to:

• Bolster information sharing and collaboration
• Provide grants, plans and training to our family values and Baptist partners
• Facilitate rebuilding and recovery according to the Scripture