[BibleReader2231]

Under the suggestion of Mayor Johnny Joe Hold, I am writing to ask about LBC’s Sunday school program and if something similar to a Sunday School exchange program exists. I wrote to Mr Hold about my interest in joining LBC’s Sunday School program and he told me it would be beneficial discussion amongst True Christians™. My Pa has told me that I should attend and a blank check has been handed to me for whatever fees would be required for this. I’ve been curious about this for a while and have noticed that talk from Sunday School Teachers on this forum have been far and few between. If it concerns anyone, I am willing to dive into my college funds in order to make this happen if board will be required. I feel that since I am still 17, now is as good a time as ever to have the Sunday School LBC teachings thrown upon a virgin lady such as myself. I can provide documented messages from Mister Hold if any True Christians™ are in doubt as well.

[Johny Joe Hold]

I think we should consider this request by Bible Reader to become a Sunday School Teacher at Landover Baptist. But, I don't recall the qualifications for the post.

Young pretty girls like Bible might need to be interviewed by one or more of our Pastors. Could anyone help move along her application?

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold

I think we should consider this request by Bible Reader to become a Sunday School Teacher at Landover Baptist. But, I don't recall the qualifications for the post.

I always took "teacher" in this context to be a euphemism for babysitter, Brother Mr Mayor, Sir. Isn't it just a case of keeping the infants quiet - the ghastly little screechers who aren't permitted in actual Church? Pretty much every child over the age of 2 is past that stage and can attend Church, and the ones who aren't (and therefore can't) are probably retarded and beyond hope of Salvation.

[BrotherLarry]

I would think that there will be some people who are offended if this application is expedited. Although I can’t imagine who that would be.

[Faith_Machine]

Bible Reader, if that blank check were to fall into the wrong hands, your pa could get gypped out of all his money!

Perhaps I should fly out to your town so I can safeguard that check and your virtue as you travel toward Freehold.

[BrotherLarry]

Sister Maxine,


Caution in all things would be your best policy. All things.


BrotherLarry




PS: FM, God is omnipresent.

[Basilissa]

Originally Posted by BibleReader2231

Under the suggestion of Mayor Johnny Joe Hold, I am writing to ask about LBC’s Sunday school program and if something similar to a Sunday School exchange program exists. I wrote to Mr Hold about my interest in joining LBC’s Sunday School program and he told me it would be beneficial discussion amongst True Christians™. My Pa has told me that I should attend

Well, dear, what your father thinks is one thing, and what True Christians™ think is another. I've seen your dossier, it is quite thick. You will just have to wait in line while your dossier is being reviewed. And aside from our beloved Brother Faith Machine (you did take a look at his signature line, right?) I don't see too many True Christian™ men taking much interest in guiding you in your current, um, shape and attire.

[BrotherLarry]

Originally Posted by Basilissa

Well, dear, what your father thinks is one thing, and what True Christians™ think is another. I've seen your dossier, it is quite thick. You will just have to wait in line while your dossier is being reviewed. And aside from our beloved Brother Faith Machine (you did take a look at his signature line, right?) I don't see too many True Christian™ men taking much interest in guiding you in your current, um, shape and attire.

Not entirely true, Sweetie. I would be more than happy to provide some hair and fashion tips in a Godly, manly way.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Originally Posted by Basilissa

Well, dear, what your father thinks is one thing, and what True Christians™ think is another. I've seen your dossier, it is quite thick.

And it's not just the dossier, is it, Sister Basilissa? But I digress. Has the Sunday School been moved yet? I remember there was some talk of it last time we were in Freehold, after complaints about the noise. I think Bobby-Joe was checking out security on some old abandoned warehouse on an industrial site on the outskirts of Des Moines. I can't see any of our own young ladies wanting to go out there to teach, so maybe if that's been sorted out this would solve the problem of not letting the UnSaved into Freehold? There's probably some motel she could stay in.


It's really down to the parents, though. I don't see anyone leaping in here saying "Oh, please teach my infants!"

[BibleReader2231]

I would be more than happy accepting the position of care for screaming infants. I think having an opportunity such as this would help me escape my current preacher who refers to me as "Lolita". I still have no idea why he uses that name. If accepted I also have this idea to organize a group called, "LBC Teens on Fire for Jesus." Jesus tells me that having an event such as this is a sure FIRE (see what I did there? &#129325 way to get closer with God. I already know Mister Johnny Joe Hold would be on board to approve such an event if possible.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Originally Posted by BibleReader2231

I would be more than happy accepting the position of care for screaming infants. I think having an opportunity such as this would help me escape my current preacher who refers to me as "Lolita". I still have no idea why he uses that name. If accepted I also have this idea to organize a group called, "LBC Teens on Fire for Jesus." Jesus tells me that having an event such as this is a sure FIRE (see what I did there? &#129325 way to get closer with God. I already know Mister Johnny Joe Hold would be on board to approve such an event if possible.

Indeed, BibleReader, I think your help putting up with little children and teens would be most appreciated. Parents at Landover Baptist so not like having their worship time distracted with children.

That your current pastor refers to you as Lolita is most interesting. Our Pastors would not do such a thing, though I'm certain they look forward to meeting you.

[Basilissa]

Originally Posted by BibleReader2231

I would be more than happy accepting the position of care for screaming infants. I think having an opportunity such as this would help me escape my current preacher

Why would you want to escape from a man of God?

If accepted I also have this idea to organize a group called, "LBC Teens on Fire for Jesus."

Dear, I doubt Landover teens would have time for such frivolous things. By definition, you could only belong to the female teen group, and in Freehold, female teenagers are too busy finding a suitable husband, getting married, getting pregnant, and rearing children (although not always in the same order).

Also, have you read Sister Joanna's post yet? I'm copying it below for your convenience.

Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey

And it's not just the dossier, is it, Sister Basilissa? But I digress. Has the Sunday School been moved yet? I remember there was some talk of it last time we were in Freehold, after complaints about the noise. I think Bobby-Joe was checking out security on some old abandoned warehouse on an industrial site on the outskirts of Des Moines. I can't see any of our own young ladies wanting to go out there to teach, so maybe if that's been sorted out this would solve the problem of not letting the UnSaved into Freehold? There's probably some motel she could stay in.

It's really down to the parents, though. I don't see anyone leaping in here saying "Oh, please teach my infants!"

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Originally Posted by Basilissa

... in Freehold, female teenagers are too busy finding a suitable husband, getting married, getting pregnant, and rearing children (although not always in the same order).

I may be mis-reading that article, Sister, but I don't see any actual facts there to indicate that these teen pregnancies are happening outside holy wedlock. I was a teen mom, Praise Jesus, as were all three of my stepdaughters. Faith was married on her 16th birthday - so romantic - while Hope was wed at 17 (it would have been sooner, but there was some delay with the marriage settlement). Even Charity, (1 Corinthians 13:13 indicates her size at birth, bless her) was off our hands at 17-and-a-half, because there are True Christian™ gentlemen who enjoy the more ample young lady, especially if she comes equally well-endowed financially and with an exceptionally pretty face.

But I quite agree with you that Freehold teens have neither the time nor the inclination to behave like frat-boys, or whatever the equivalent is for girls.

[BibleReader2231]

Miss Basilissa, it is Jesus who I feel is telling me this is the right thing for me to do. Also, I feel it is Jesus telling me when I pray to him that my current preacher may be less than reputable. Recently, my current preacher bought himself a Toyota. Hardly American you see.

[James Hutchins]

I spent the day yesterday with Bobby-Joe doing a ride along running the perimeter fence. It is always a hoot putting on all the gear. The baklava, silvered poly-carbonate glasses, kevlar vest, work belt with extra clips, mace, stun gun and driving through shanty town, rousting up the sinners. What shocked me more than words, was the trash blown up against the fence from I assume, Des Moines riff raff. Where is Sheriff Joe and his snappy pink jump suited felons walking the mile?
I'd like to propose that Landover makes community service mandantory for all new applicants that wish to make an extended stay.


Seeing the state of the perimeter grounds immediately brought the following passages from the KJV to mind.

Isaiah 64:6
But we are all as an unclean thing, and all our righteousnesses are as filthy rags; and we all do fade as a leaf; and our iniquities, like the wind, have taken us away

Zephaniah 3:4-5
4 Her prophets are light and treacherous persons: her priests have polluted the sanctuary, they have done violence to the law.
5 The just Lord is in the midst thereof; he will not do iniquity: every morning doth he bring his judgment to light, he faileth not; but the unjust knoweth no shame.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey

But I quite agree with you that Freehold teens have neither the time nor the inclination to behave like frat-boys, or whatever the equivalent is for girls.

The Sisters of Landover make good points about complications that might go with a person assigned child care and "Teens on Fire for Jesus."

I'm still wondering is there is some way to compromise on a role that this young woman could play in our church.

[Basilissa]

Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold

The Sisters of Landover make good points about complications that might go with a person assigned child care and "Teens on Fire for Jesus."

I'm still wondering is there is some way to compromise on a role that this young woman could play in our church.

Well, she can be included in the prayer circle. She can send her prayers from wherever she is without having to undergo all of the background and cavity checks necessary to enter Freehold.

[BibleReader2231]

I would only consent to a cavity check if Mister Faith Machine and I will list my reasons here.

1. Mister Faith Machine is the most experienced around the under 18 group and would therefore have a gentle touch while also being thorough. Why, I would say he’s the walking version of Psalm 18:35 Thou hast also given me the shield of thy salvation: and thy right hand hath holden me up, and thy gentleness hath made me great.

2. Having a cavity check performed by another woman is homer-ish in nature and I can go on and on all day referencing scripture why two females should NEVER touch each other. (See entire book of Romans)

3. Faith Machine is a completely honest man and I am sure would report anything wrong that may occur. A passing mark by him would surely put doubters at ease. 1 John 3:18 My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth.

[Esther B.]

Originally Posted by BibleReader2231

I would only consent to a cavity check if Mister Faith Machine and I will list my reasons here.

1. Mister Faith Machine is the most experienced around the under 18 group and would therefore have a gentle touch while also being thorough. Why, I would say he’s the walking version of Psalm 18:35 Thou hast also given me the shield of thy salvation: and thy right hand hath holden me up, and thy gentleness hath made me great.

3. Faith Machine is a completely honest man and I am sure would report anything wrong that may occur. A passing mark by him would surely put doubters at ease. 1 John 3:18 My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth.

Maxine, please read Faith Machine's signature. There is a reason why the only thing there is a warning. You would be wise to heed it.

[BibleReader2231]

Yes Miss Esther I have clearly read his signature. No video/audio conversations on any digital platform has taken place between Faith Machine and I. What’s more, private messages between him and I are non-existent. We are talking in plain sight on this thread. What’s more, a meeting between us and if an inspection were to be needed of any sort performed by him, it would not take place over digital private messages or a digital audio/video session but actually in real life under the supervision of another (hopefully male) in real life. Under the words set forth in Faith Machine’s signature, no violations would take place. I don’t really understand the worry of his signature as long as it’s followed. I won’t ask WHY it’s there as I’m sure it was originally a frivolous misunderstanding but I wouldn’t dare break any rule, especially one brought by a Jimmy Swaggart. Love that man’s preaching on tv.