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Default What atheists really worship - 11-29-2006, 04:50 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by More Saved Than Thou View Post
It gets worse. Atheists, in their more candid moments, admit that they worship a demon called the Invisible Pink Unicorn. That proves that this is all part of a seamless web of evil, cast by the devil himself.
Maybe some so-called atheists (I think perhaps you've mixed them up with homers) worship the Pink Unicorn, but I have it on good information that true atheists worship something far more horrifying.


That's right, these wastes of flesh worship a FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER!

You can read all about this horrifying cult at www.veganza.org.

Ladies, please either be sure a Pastor is with you to explain the bizarre images you'll see, or avert your eyes entirely. We don't want the sight of this site to confuse your feeble minds, already overworked with thoughts of laundry and dusting and cooking and gardening, and how to ensure that your servants are doing all of these things to your husband's satisfaction.
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Default Re: What atheists really worship - 11-29-2006, 05:02 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by OnYourKnees View Post
...some so-called atheists (I think perhaps you've mixed them up with homers)....
How much of a difference is there?


This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.

Questions to ask liberal "Christians"Things that the Bible doesn't sayTolerance

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Default Re: What atheists really worship - 11-29-2006, 05:04 PM

Possibly no difference
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Default Re: What atheists really worship - 11-29-2006, 05:43 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by OnYourKnees View Post
Maybe some so-called atheists (I think perhaps you've mixed them up with homers) worship the Pink Unicorn, but I have it on good information that true atheists worship something far more horrifying.


That's right, these wastes of flesh worship a FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER!

You can read all about this horrifying cult at www.veganza.org.

Ladies, please either be sure a Pastor is with you to explain the bizarre images you'll see, or avert your eyes entirely. We don't want the sight of this site to confuse your feeble minds, already overworked with thoughts of laundry and dusting and cooking and gardening, and how to ensure that your servants are doing all of these things to your husband's satisfaction.
One question: which are its eyes and which are its meatballs?

If the upper set are the progenative thingies, then it is
clearly a long-married monster, and I hold only pity for it.


Peter
married
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Default Re: What atheists really worship - 11-29-2006, 05:54 PM

I once had a cat that had a..."personal problem"...which looked very much like this.

Yet more Evidence of the Sinful nature of cats.
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Default Re: What atheists really worship - 11-29-2006, 06:03 PM

I believe that some homers are atheists, but not all atheists are homers.

Some atheists are petta-files (they like lambs, sheep, or other furry creatures). This is why atheists should never be allowed near good Christian petting zoos; they become aroused and begin stroking a lamb, gently at first, then more vigorously, rubbing and touching and even sometimes spanking, until both atheist and lamb collapse in an exhausted, sweaty, sticky pile.

Disgusting.
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Default Re: What atheists really worship - 11-29-2006, 06:28 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by OnYourKnees View Post
I believe that some homers are atheists, but not all atheists are homers.
Since when, Brother? Since WHEN?

Quote:
Originally Posted by OnYourKnees View Post
Some atheists are petta-files (they like lambs, sheep, or other furry creatures). This is why atheists should never be allowed near good Christian petting zoos; they become aroused and begin stroking a lamb, gently at first, then more vigorously, rubbing and touching and even sometimes spanking, until both atheist and lamb collapse in an exhausted, sweaty, sticky pile.

Disgusting.
This, however, I Believe. Praise!
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Default Re: What atheists really worship - 11-30-2006, 08:17 PM

Gosh darn it, now I'm hungry. I'll have to make pasta for dinner.


Tir'd, and despairing, O celestial maid,
I'm caught, I cry'd, without thy heav'nly aid.
Help me, Diana, help a nymph forlorn,
Devoted to the woods, who long has worn
Thy livery, and long thy quiver born.
- Ovid
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Default Re: What atheists really worship - 12-01-2006, 01:38 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Arethusa View Post
Gosh darn it, now I'm hungry. I'll have to make pasta for dinner.
And you were doing so well at renouncing Satan and all.


O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.


God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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Default Re: What atheists really worship - 12-02-2006, 02:55 AM

God doesn't want me to eat pasta? But he made it!


Tir'd, and despairing, O celestial maid,
I'm caught, I cry'd, without thy heav'nly aid.
Help me, Diana, help a nymph forlorn,
Devoted to the woods, who long has worn
Thy livery, and long thy quiver born.
- Ovid
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Default Re: What atheists really worship - 12-02-2006, 03:44 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Arethusa View Post
God doesn't want me to eat pasta? But he made it!
That's why you're getting so porky. Too much thinking about pasta and not enough listening to your pastor.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Default Re: What atheists really worship - 12-02-2006, 05:00 PM

Pasta was niot made by God. It was made by Italians who had been opossomized Satans melancholicly-looking Schwerz.
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Default Re: What atheists really worship - 12-02-2006, 07:12 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
That's why you're getting so porky. Too much thinking about pasta and not enough listening to your pastor.
I listen to pastors all the time, honest. Pastor Pistle mostly, as he seems to be such a blessed, knowledgeable church leader. Does Pastor-Listening make you lose weight or something? I can't really afford to lose any but I don't want to make Jesus mad.

Tommy I'm sorry, I don't understand what you are posting.


Tir'd, and despairing, O celestial maid,
I'm caught, I cry'd, without thy heav'nly aid.
Help me, Diana, help a nymph forlorn,
Devoted to the woods, who long has worn
Thy livery, and long thy quiver born.
- Ovid
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Default Re: What atheists really worship - 12-02-2006, 07:20 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by tommy View Post
Pasta was niot made by God. It was made by Italians who had been opossomized Satans melancholicly-looking Schwerz.
PRAISE! I believe Tommy is speaking in tongues!

Acts 19:6 And when Paul laid his hands upon them, the Holy Ghost came on them; and they spake with tongues, and prophesied.
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Default Re: What atheists really worship - 12-02-2006, 07:32 PM

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Originally Posted by OnYourKnees View Post
PRAISE! I believe Tommy is speaking in tongues!

Acts 19:6 And when Paul laid his hands upon them, the Holy Ghost came on them; and they spake with tongues, and prophesied.
Wow, I guess the holy spirit was talking trough me...

I'll just...
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Default Re: What atheists really worship - 12-02-2006, 10:19 PM

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Originally Posted by tommy View Post
Wow, I guess the holy spirit was talking trough me...

I'll just...
Don't grow too comfortable, friend. Remember, God can use ANYONE, even those that He HATES. Don't confuse His using you as your being Saved -- far from it. GOD HIMSELF even used someone as despicable as Bill Clinton to rally the ranks of True Christians to elect George W. Bush! And I don't know of a single soul who would dare say that Bill will enter into the Pearly Gates.


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Default Re: What atheists really worship - 12-02-2006, 10:30 PM

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I listen to pastors all the time, honest. Pastor Pistle mostly, as he seems to be such a blessed, knowledgeable church leader.
Well, FINALLY! A FAIR and UNBIASED opinion! Thank you young lady. You are clearly destined for greatness!


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"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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Default Re: What atheists really worship - 12-03-2006, 03:43 PM

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Originally Posted by Arethusa View Post
God doesn't want me to eat pasta? But he made it!
Pasta is perfectly acceptable in the right circumstances, as long as you stick to nice traditional recipes like pasta and ketchup, and don't go getting all Eurotrash on us. However, if reading about false spaghetti idols arouses your desire for food this is a very worrying sign indeed. Can you guarantee that you won't read a thread about Papism and start hungering for a catlick death cookie, or that a thread about penny-pinching Christ-killers won't awake your appetite for gefilte fish and matzoh brei, or that one of Van Hellsing's posts won't inspire you to snack down on a Christian baby? It is a very dangerous path that you are on.
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Originally Posted by Arethusa
Tommy I'm sorry, I don't understand what you are posting.
That's alright, neither does he.


O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.


God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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Default Re: What atheists really worship - 12-04-2006, 07:39 AM

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Originally Posted by Brother Temperance View Post
Pasta is perfectly acceptable in the right circumstances, as long as you stick to nice traditional recipes like pasta and ketchup, and don't go getting all Eurotrash on us. However, if reading about false spaghetti idols arouses your desire for food this is a very worrying sign indeed. Can you guarantee that you won't read a thread about Papism and start hungering for a catlick death cookie, or that a thread about penny-pinching Christ-killers won't awake your appetite for gefilte fish and matzoh brei, or that one of Van Hellsing's posts won't inspire you to snack down on a Christian baby? It is a very dangerous path that you are on.
That's alright, neither does he.
Ketchup? On pasta? Ketchup? How the good Lord and I compromise and use regular tomato sauce---tomato is the base for ketchup too after all.

Maybe this is not the time to admit such a thing but having been confirmed in the Anglekin faith before I left home and dumped it...I had the death cookie every Sunday. Along with the watered down wine. I was even...a serving girl.


Tir'd, and despairing, O celestial maid,
I'm caught, I cry'd, without thy heav'nly aid.
Help me, Diana, help a nymph forlorn,
Devoted to the woods, who long has worn
Thy livery, and long thy quiver born.
- Ovid
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