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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,909
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
08-30-2013, 03:27 AM
What language does a Jewish homer speak?
Heblew
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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True Christian™, Ex-Sand Nigra
True Christian™
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Posts: 762
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Dallas, TX God's Country
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
08-30-2013, 06:30 AM
What's the difference between a joo and a pizza?
The pizza doesn't scream in the oven
Psalm 137:8-9 O daughter of Babylon, who art to be destroyed; happy shall he be, that rewardeth thee as thou hast served us.
Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones.
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The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,473
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, IA
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
09-01-2013, 11:01 PM
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The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,473
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, IA
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
09-01-2013, 11:19 PM
I saw her standing there and I told her
she had three beautiful children.
She didn't have to get all mad and
threaten me with Jihad.
It was an honest mistake......
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The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,473
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, IA
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
09-21-2013, 06:04 AM
HOW MOSES GOT THE 10 COMMANDMENTS
God went to the Arabs and said, 'I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better.'
The Arabs asked, 'What are Commandments?'
And the Lord said, 'They are rules for living.'
'Can you give us an example?'
'Thou shall not kill.'
'Not kill? We're not interested.'
So He went to the Blacks and said, 'I have Commandments.'
The Blacks wanted an example, and the Lord said,
'Honor thy Father and Mother.'
'Father? We don't know who our fathers are.
We're not interested.'
Then He went to the Mexicans and said,
'I have Commandments.'
The Mexicans also wanted an example, and the Lord said 'Thou shall not steal.'
'Not steal? We're not interested.'
Then He went to the French and said,
'I have Commandments.'
The French too wanted an example and the Lord said, 'Thou shall not commit adultery.'
'Sacre bleu!!! Not commit adultery? We're not interested.'
Finally, He went to the Jews and said,
'I have Commandments.'
'Commandments?' They said, 'How much are they?'
'They're free.'
'We'll take 10.'
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Southern Hospitality Exemplified Always kind and loving
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,824
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: mostly at the Cracker Barrel
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
10-11-2013, 03:28 PM
What do God-hated Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
ANSWER...
Polaroids!
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,909
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
10-12-2013, 02:21 AM
What does a joo with an erection get when it runs into a wall?
A broken nose.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Southern Hospitality Exemplified Always kind and loving
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,824
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: mostly at the Cracker Barrel
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
10-12-2013, 05:26 AM
What does a wiccan do after he dumps his girlfriend?
Answer...
Wipe his butt
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,909
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
11-15-2013, 03:29 PM
I heard a couple of good ones I'd like to share.
What do you call a Muslim who owns a camel and a goat?
..................A bisexual.
Mohammed heard one of his wives was leaving him, so he rushed home where he found her on the carpet in front of the tent with her belongings; he sat beside her and said, “I heard you were planning to leave me?”
She replied, “Yes, I heard your other wives saying you were a pedophile!”
Mohammed thinks for a minute or so and then responds, “that's a mighty big word for a 6 year old."
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,473
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, IA
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
11-17-2013, 03:17 AM
George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell. While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for.
The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth.
Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he is finished, the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check.
Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes. When she is finished, the devil informs her that the cost is 6 million dollars, so she writes him a check.
Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When he is finished, the devil informs him that the cost is $5.00.
When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush got to call the USA so cheaply.
The devil smiles and replies, " Since Obama took over, the country’s gone to hell, so it's a local call."
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The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,473
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, IA
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
12-16-2013, 02:45 AM
Oh, ho ho ho!
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Unsaved trash
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Posts: 87
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: 500 miles south of Babylon, in a trailer.
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
12-16-2013, 05:05 PM
Guy walks into a bar, has a parrot on his shoulder. Bartender says 'Hey, thats really neat! Where'd you get that?'
Parrot says 'Ireland, they're all over the place'
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The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,473
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, IA
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
12-22-2013, 11:16 PM
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Landover Security Superviser Asset Loss Prevention and Personal Security Expert NOT angry and positively NOT Gay
True Christian™
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Posts: 18,555
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold Iowa
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
01-03-2014, 12:39 AM
An illegal alien, radical Muslim, hippy Christian, atheist, communist, fascist, radical black, self loathing white man, wimp, homosexual, child predator, rape crazed man walks into a bar. "What will you have Mr President?" the bartender asks.
Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.
Hot Must ReadThreads!
Time to come clean on Benghazi Mr Obama!
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 871
Join Date: Jan 2010
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
01-11-2014, 09:16 AM
My name be Eboneesha Hernandez, a African-Hispanic-American Girl who jus got a award for bein the bess speler in class. I gots a 47% on the spelin text and 38 points for being black, 10 points for not bringin drugs to class, 10 points for not bringin guns to class, and 15 points for not getting pregnut during the cemester. It be hard to beat a score of 120%.
White dude sit nex to me is McGee from Jaxon Mizipy. He got a 94% on the text but no extra points on acount of he have the same skin color as the opressirs of 150 years ago. Granny ax me to thank all dimocrafts and liberuls for suportin afermative axion. You be showin da way to true eqwallity.
I be gittin in medical skool nex an mabe I be yo doctor since Barrac takn over da healfcare in dis contry.
Leviticus 26:15-16
And if ye shall despise my statutes, or if your soul abhor my judgments, so that ye will not do all my commandments, but that ye break my covenant: I also will do this unto you; I will even appoint over you terror, consumption, and the burning ague, that shall consume the eyes, and cause sorrow of heart: and ye shall sow your seed in vain, for your enemies shall eat it.
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Unsaved trash
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Posts: 87
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: 500 miles south of Babylon, in a trailer.
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
01-12-2014, 10:06 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe
An illegal alien, radical Muslim, hippy Christian, atheist, communist, fascist, radical black, self loathing white man, wimp, homosexual, child predator, rape crazed man walks into a bar. "What will you have Mr President?" the bartender asks.
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Down in Alabama, the bartender would say, properly,
"All of you, GET OUT"
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 137
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Walking With Joseph Smith.
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
01-12-2014, 10:14 PM
An Irish man walks out of a bar...
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 137
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Walking With Joseph Smith.
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
01-12-2014, 10:18 PM
What's yellow and black and makes you laugh ?
A bus full of nigras going over a cliff.
A black woman was filling out forms at the welfare office. Under "Number of children," she wrote "10," and where it said "List names of children," she wrote "Leroy." When she handed in the form, the woman behind the desk pointed out: "Now here where it says "List names of children," you're supposed to write the names of each one of your children." "Dey all named Leroy," said the black woman. "That's very unusual. When you call them, how do they know which one you want?" asked the welfare worker. "Oh, den I uses the last names."
Why do decent white folks shop at nigra yard sales?
To get all their stuff back.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,387
Join Date: Nov 2006
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
01-12-2014, 11:15 PM
A cat-a-lic priest is in church, a young gorgeous, ravishing woman approaches
"will you hear my confession?"
"yes my dear"
"well father, i'm crazily in love with you, i have the most lustful dreams of what I would do if you said but one word"
"my dear, that is satan tempting you, 3 hail marys and 10 our fathers"
"yes priest"
next day
"father, i want to caress each inch of you, i want to lick taste every part, I want you now"
"my dear, satan is the cause , 15 hail marys and 50 our fathers"
next day
she shows up with a coat, opens it and there she is, young, a body to die for, sexy, lustful, she says
"father f*ck me right now!"
the priest, trembling, takes a few steps bakwards, turns to the cross and says:
"CHRIST! What should I do?"
And a voice from the crucified christs
"TAKE THIS MOTHERF*KING NAILS OFF, TAKE THEM OFF!"
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The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,473
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, IA
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
01-14-2014, 10:49 PM
Libtard in a Hot Air Ballon
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.
She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican.
"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."
The man smiled and responded, "You must be an Obama-Democrat."
"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"
"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are -- or where you are going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it's my fault.
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