Now Brother, I WILL admit that those of an uncharitable bent could scrounge up a few *nominal* coincidences linking our good Church and the homer “community,” such as the clearly INNOCENT presence of “Flaming” in our Church’s name, the depiction of a righteous, fiery rainbow in a mural on one of our Church’s walls, the unfortunate name of the outdoor supply company next door, “Rough Trade,” or the tragic name of our youth outreach coordinator–Mr. Twink. And I WILL admit that, on occasion, these have led unrepentant queers to assume that our church would offer hospitality to their perverse lifestyles.
Now that I think of it, being located just off Pride Street probably doesn’t help either…
BUT! I can assure you that our Pastor, Jebediah Joseph “Thunder” Johnson, does not use a limp wrist in applying the loving lash of the Lord’s Word to his congregation!
In fact, that reminds me of a story on point.
A few months back, a couple of unapologetic homers came skipping arm-in-arm into our Church, apparently misled by coincidences such as those noted into thinking that they could find a “tolerant” spiritual home for their flagrant homosexuality.
Well, they quickly discovered how SORELY wrong they were–and were soon set on the RIGHT path of the Lord by Pastor Johnson and his very flock!
Once our Pastor determined their intentions, he grabbed his instructional leather whip, and set to lashing the homers, fully intent on driving them from the premises.
Already misled about the nature of our Church, however, the queers evidently misconstrued our Pastor’s righteous fury as some sort of erotic bondage play.
So there they were, right in the very HOUSE OF THE LORD beneath his Contempt Personified, bumping, grinding and making all sorts of obscene gestures and noises as our Pastor worked himself up into a lather castigating them with his whip. Everyone was, to say the least, pretty bemused.
But the congregation soon displayed the irrepressible community spirit for which we are famous, and, undeterred, set upon the homers with the spare leather whips kept in the Youth Center annex.
After a few minutes, the queers realized something was terribly amiss, and proceeded to beat feet for the door. But our loving Pastor, perceiving that the TRUE GLORIOUS TERROR of the Lord had finally worked its way through the sin-leathered skulls of these unrepentant homers, realized that this was a rare opportunity to reach them with the Word of God!
So, rather than to let them flee back in the open arms of Satan, he had the faithful bar the doors and bind the homers. For the next six hours, he and several of his pastors-in-training took turns delivering the most fiery sermon I’ve seen in my life but inches from the queers’ faces as their sinful souls withered beneath a hot lamp and the rest community sang the praises of Jesus!
Finally, both of the homers entered a terrible spastic fit, as I can only assume the very HAND OF THE LORD had taken hold of them! Sure enough, they began to scream that they’d do anything for release and begged forgiveness for a litany of sins!
Glory! Pastor Johnson-and GOD-had finally gotten through to them!
Those two “flamers?” Well sir, they NEVER fail to be in our very Church each and every Sunday now! And they’re not holding hands, either, no sir–they won’t even use the same door to enter the building!
Some “Doctors” would call it Stockholm Syndrome.
I call it the irresistible grace of the Lord God in action!
And
THAT is The Baptist Church of the Sacred Flaming Heart.
Re: Come to Jesus Moment -
11-11-2014, 05:19 AM
Re: Come to Jesus Moment -
11-11-2014, 05:49 AM
If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed. – John 8:36 
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