[Morton Weinstein]

The morning started as most do for me. I went through my daily grooming and turned on the radio to enjoy some quiet music while reading yesterday's Daily Student, the IU campus newspaper. All of a sudden, this came on:

"Today at the East 3rd Street Baptist Church, Rev. Jackie Ray Milligan will hold a special baptism service following morning worship. Come see and hear this dynamic, Bible centered preacher of the gospel. All are welcome. Sunday School 9AM, Morning Worship 10 AM, Baptism from 11-1 PM. Transportation to the river is available."

Well, something in my soul said, "Call Malachi." So I did. Malachi is a devout follower of our heritage and was concerned about me, but amazingly he said, "Oy, if you must do this then let it be with someone that can protect you. You know nothing about these people - what would your Mama say?" And so at 9, we found ourselves in Sunday School, learning about the burning bush. Malachi can have a dirty mind but once he stopped laughing, the teacher, Brother Crawford, told us that we can all have a burning bush in our lives - we just have to look in the right place. He told us that Jesus Christ will send the Holy Spirit to teach and guide us. All we have to do is listen to our bush. Well, for me, that "bush" has been you people - the good folks of Landover Baptist Church.

In the morning worship, Malachi and I sat there, our yarmulkes in place like good Jewish boys, while the Baptists glared at us with a holy, loving glare; one that said, "We hate you for killing our Savior, you stinking Jew." It was so warm and inviting, that I knew when the preacher asked if anyone wanted to be saved, I had to do it. I looked to my left and Malachi was crying! He said, "Mo (he calls me Mo, and I don't like it), are you SURE this Jesus is the real thing?" I looked at him and said, "Mal, COKE is the real thing!" We laughed for a bit until some woman hit us with her Bible.

Anyway, we both confessed our sins to God this morning, including the sin of killing Jesus and being selfish, money grubbing, conniving, smelly, hook-nosed, and underhanded. We burned our yarmulkes and breathed in the sweet air of new-found Christianity. All of a sudden, I wanted to preach on the street corner and hate homosexuals with a new-found vigor and sense of purpose. I wanted to vote Republican. I wanted to abandon all I'd learned and change my college major. I wanted to be a husband and father. And then - I wanted the experience of baptism.

Neither of us have a car, so we freely accepted the offer of a bus ride to the river, where Reverend Jackie Ray was to dip us in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. I sat next to the woman that hit us with a Bible (she loves watching baptisms, apparently) and Malachi sat by a brother that seemed to have some sort of nervous twitch.

The story ends with both of us being immersed in the cool water, leaving our Jewish sins to float on down the stream. We came out of the water praising the name of Jesus. Who knows where this journey will lead. All I know is I am now a Child of the King, Hallelujah, and so is my best friend.
Won't you keep us in prayer that we grow in the grace of God and knowledge of His Word?

Include a lot of "justs" in the prayer - because it seems like everyone at the church this morning did. I think it adds oomph to the fervency.

NO LONGER IN BONDAGE,
Morton

[Faith_Machine]

Morton, there are tears in my eyes as I type these words. I am so very, very happy to hear that you are now safely within the fold.

Now then, why don't we get a nice tithing schedule set up for you?

[Jedediah]

Praise and glory!

Indeed, as Faith Machine suggests, the LORD loves a cheerful giver. While my heart is filled with joy that you are steadily satisfying the prerequisites to receive Jesus' unconditional love, there still remains the danger of backsliding into jewery, especially when it comes to tithes and love offerings.

Haggai 2:8
The silver is mine, and the gold is mine, saith the LORD of hosts.

Jesus teaches us that there is no excuse for not rendering unto Him what is His. Give until it hurts, and you will be rewarded in Heaven.

Mark 12:41-44
And Jesus sat over against the treasury, and beheld how the people cast money into the treasury: and many that were rich cast in much.
And there came a certain poor widow, and she threw in two mites, which make a farthing.
And he called unto him his disciples, and saith unto them, Verily I say unto you, That this poor widow hath cast more in, than all they which have cast into the treasury:
For all they did cast in of their abundance; but she of her want did cast in all that she had, even all her living.

[see_the_light]

PRAISE THE LORD!

[Faith_Machine]

This might be a good time to look into foreskin restoration, though I caution you to avoid it if you're a masturbaddict like I used to be. It can make you focus on your private parts too much.

[Walter Van Slyke]

Originally Posted by Faith_Machine

This might be a good time to look into foreskin restoration, though I caution you to avoid it if you're a masturbaddict like I used to be. It can make you focus on your private parts too much.

On the other hand, God did give us foreskins for a reason. He did not mean for them to be cut off except by the Jews (Leveticus 12:3), but since Jesus replaced that with spiritual circumcision (Colossians 2:11), I think He would want Morton whole again. (1 Corinthians 6:19).

Morton, if you have the procedure and need assistance with the proper way to handle your new body part, I am sure there are many here who would be eager to assist.

[Father Keith O'Leary]

Originally Posted by Walter Van Slyke

On the other hand, God did give us foreskins for a reason. He did not mean for them to be cut off except by the Jews (Leveticus 12:3), but since Jesus replaced that with spiritual circumcision (Colossians 2:11), I think He would want Morton whole again. (1 Corinthians 6:19).

Morton, if you have the procedure and need assistance with the proper way to handle your new body part, I am sure there are many here who would be eager to assist.

I know a guy that goes by "Hector" who could help with this.