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The Freehold Truth and Light Baptist newspaper Featured editorials, letters to the GODLY Pastors of Landover, local news, advise columns.

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Mary Thompson's Avatar
Mary Thompson Mary Thompson is offline
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Mary Thompson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureMary Thompson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureMary Thompson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureMary Thompson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureMary Thompson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureMary Thompson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureMary Thompson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureMary Thompson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureMary Thompson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureMary Thompson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureMary Thompson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious Rapture
Default NEED A BABYSITTER? Call me! - 04-19-2014, 03:10 AM

IS your wife slacking off on her child rearing Christian duties that she should be ashamed of not completing and deserves ten beatings? Do you need a break from the screaming demons your children have become?

No worries!
I'm here to help you. For Today and every other day, I give you the benefit of my quality babysitting services at an amazing afforable price! Any age from 0-18 can come!

Incredible Prices!
0-5 years old: $30,000 an hour! These Sinful Whiny toddlers will get to watch Passion of the Christ and draw pictures about what they learnt about it to quicken the speed in which they are saved!

6-12 years old: $25,000 an hour! Boys will be practicing with their guns to shoot the birds while Girls are taught how to bake pies. At the end there will be a Bible Study time to Study the Bible.

13-18 years old: $20,000 an hour! At this age, it is vital their faith in Jesus is secure. So they will spent the entire time copying the Bible, word by word.

Details...
I live on 500 Jesus Street. Come anytime and pay when you come to pick them up. Cash only, no eftpos. At the kind request of Pastor Ezekiel Flint (Isn't he handsome?) all earnings are tithed to Landover Baptist.

And if you call now you'll get...
To pick your own object which will be used to beat the child with if they are bad! As well as a Buy One Get One Free if you call within the next five minutes! And a 10% discount if you buy five and call within twenty minutes!
Terms and conditions apply!
This offer is available for True Christians Only. If your child is retarded, crippled, has damaged stones or privy member, has sinful ansesctors, is a slut, or has said the Lord's name in vain then the price is $80,000 per half hour (Not including tax, Sinners fees or child-sinner welfare fees).


Thinking of Abortion?
That fetus will be in Hell, because they never had a chance to repent their sinful ways (Psalms 51:5) (1 Kings 8:46)
Think of the children. Stop being a slut.
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Witch Hammer Witch Hammer is offline
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Default Re: NEED A BABYSITTER? Call me! - 04-19-2014, 05:06 AM

How much do you charge to nursemaid gimps or retards? Not nearly enough, I imagine!

I have an old iron cage, complete with litter box, water dispenser and cattle prod I can let go for $250. Have your husband message me if this is of interest!
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Mary Thompson's Avatar
Mary Thompson Mary Thompson is offline
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Mary Thompson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureMary Thompson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureMary Thompson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureMary Thompson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureMary Thompson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureMary Thompson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureMary Thompson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureMary Thompson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureMary Thompson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureMary Thompson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureMary Thompson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious Rapture
Default Re: NEED A BABYSITTER? Call me! - 04-19-2014, 05:54 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Witch Hammer View Post
How much do you charge to nursemaid gimps or retards? Not nearly enough, I imagine!

I have an old iron cage, complete with litter box, water dispenser and cattle prod I can let go for $250. Have your husband message me if this is of interest!
See Terms and Conditions for details on my charges for extra sinful kids.
My husband says that cage sounds great so we've sent you the money in an envelope which will be in your post tommorrow. Thank you, it will be a great help.
YiC
MT.


Thinking of Abortion?
That fetus will be in Hell, because they never had a chance to repent their sinful ways (Psalms 51:5) (1 Kings 8:46)
Think of the children. Stop being a slut.
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M. Mansfield, MD M. Mansfield, MD is offline
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Default Re: NEED A BABYSITTER? Call me! - 04-27-2014, 01:14 AM

Sister Mary,

It is my understanding that you may have knowledge of suitable babysitters in my region of the country. Should I remain married to Jennifer, I have considered taking her on a "date", without the boys.

Blake, Franklin, Austin, David, and Mansfield, Jr. would require quality, Christian care and I can think of no one else that might have a better recommendation than you, my sister in Jesus. (Glory to His Name!)

This is not a plan for the immediate future, so you have some time to think. I prefer a woman in her 40's or so, one not too quick to physical discipline, and comely to the eye. Sort of a cross between Sarah Palin and Mary Poppins would be nice.

Yours in Our Precious Lord,
Doc
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Mary Thompson's Avatar
Mary Thompson Mary Thompson is offline
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Mary Thompson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureMary Thompson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureMary Thompson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureMary Thompson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureMary Thompson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureMary Thompson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureMary Thompson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureMary Thompson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureMary Thompson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureMary Thompson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureMary Thompson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious Rapture
Default Re: NEED A BABYSITTER? Call me! - 04-27-2014, 01:55 AM

I think I may know a True Christian in your region, I'll contact her and see if she fits your needs.


Thinking of Abortion?
That fetus will be in Hell, because they never had a chance to repent their sinful ways (Psalms 51:5) (1 Kings 8:46)
Think of the children. Stop being a slut.
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