Auntie Flo's Prayer Shack for Women For the women of Landover to discuss recipes, shoes, makeup tips, or whatever it is you natter about. Ensure you have the proper permission from your husband or father before posting. |
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Unsaved trash - Caution: Possible Floozy
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Posts: 61
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: UK
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Re: Hiding Bruises -
12-29-2011, 11:30 PM
Would using leeches, like this be a good idea as a form of punishment? My Dad wants to know.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Humongous
well, i live alone out here in the trailer ever since daddy and mama went to Jesus (RIP). But I do receive quite a few catfish and snappin turtle bites when I go swimmin in the bog? these critters have right powerful jaws, so theys always leaving the odd mark, and i think its important for a lady to look her best, especially in the eyes of Christ! so I like to keep them bites n bruises covered up, but I aint got no fancy Hollywood makeup like Zha ZHa Gabor? Sos I got to improvise, Praise God! most of the time them bites is bleedin something morbid, sos my cover-ups double as a poultice of sorts? I usually make a mixture of cat urine and rotten pumpkin mush, then I dip some shamwows in the salve, an apply them too the many welts and nips on my flesh folds. Hooweee, it burns something holocaustic! but it makes them welts heal quicker.
He is risen,
Lori H.
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Gushing for Jesus
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Posts: 23,730
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Hiding Bruises -
12-29-2011, 11:32 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Daisy Mae Johnson
I wear my "shiners" like a badge of pride. They show that Pastor Zeke's loves me enough to "correct" me and help me get to HEAVEN.
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If that isn't the smile of a lady in love, knowing her man loves her back, I don't know what is!
Beautiful!
Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 345
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: In my prayer closet
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Re: Hiding Bruises -
12-29-2011, 11:47 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Daisy Mae Johnson
I wear my "shiners" like a badge of pride. They show that Pastor Zeke's loves me enough to "correct" me and help me get to HEAVEN.
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Amen, Daisy Mae! If only we all lived in a world without liberal hippies crying over "spousal abuse." Then we could all wear our shiners with pride.
1 Corinthians 14:34 Shut up and get back in the kitchen!
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Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58 Christ's Guardian
True Christian™
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Posts: 23,743
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Mostly on the front porch.
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Re: Hiding Bruises -
12-30-2011, 01:00 AM
For some bruises you only need a turtleneck sweater.
May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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True Christian™ Just a Regular Nice Guy
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Posts: 29,835
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Between Lynchburg and Walton's Mountain
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Re: Hiding Bruises -
12-30-2011, 01:29 AM
If a woman keeps her head down when scrubbing the floor, the 'touches of Jesus' will not be an issue.
Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Winning Souls in his Winnebago
True Christian™
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Posts: 3,893
Join Date: May 2010
Location: travelling the heartland in my Winnebago.
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Re: Hiding Bruises -
12-30-2011, 12:33 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. M. Rodimer
Why is your husband using his fist instead of a rod, as directed in the Bible?
A rod to the buttocks will not leave marks where they can be seen by anyone but your husband. And you'll be reminded of your improper behavior every time you choose to sit down for days, instead of just when you look at yourself in a mirror!
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I have to agree with you Rev.. Since the object of the exercise is a learning experience for your wife, not some act of mindless violence, there is no reason that you can not wait until you have access to your favorite caning instrument where the strikes can be well placed, without the need to worry about some nosy libeleral calling the authorities and you having to waste your time explaining it is none of their damn business what happens between a man, his wife, and their deep felt religious beliefs!
Besides this I find that if you have a set ''discipline time'' right after dinner your food is on the table a little faster and I never have to ask for my ice filled up! Yep I never mention her mistakes of the day until after I have had my supper.
1 Chronicles 16:15
Be ye mindful always of his covenant; the word which he commanded to a thousand generations ... an everlasting covenant.
Proverbs 30:5,6: Every word of God is pure: he is a shield unto them that put their trust in him.
Add thou not unto his words, lest he reprove thee, and thou be found a liar.
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Ms. Sham Wow 2011
Forum Member
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Posts: 263
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Defeated, TN
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Re: Hiding Bruises -
12-30-2011, 01:47 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by KittyKat
Would using leeches, like this be a good idea as a form of punishment? My Dad wants to know.
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well, friend KittyKat, when I was growin up, my parents would always use leeches as a reward, and a leranin tool. after I swam in the bog, my supple fleshfolds would usually be covered in leeches, and we'd count em, and burn em off, Praise Christ! it's essentially how I learned my arithmetic? ifn i got my sums right, I got to keep them dead leeches for to fry up and eat as a snack? I found the longer I let em suckle my quivering flesh folds, the plumper n juicier they got! Good eatin!
God Bless,
Lori H
Genesis 1:24
And God said, "Let the land produce living creatures according to their kinds: livestock, creatures that move along the ground, and wild animals, each according to its kind: and it was so."
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Unsaved trash, french queer
Under Investigation
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Posts: 19
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Godless Sweden
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Re: Hiding Bruises -
12-30-2011, 04:09 PM
If this is true which I am almost certain that it is not then please, call the police.
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With faith as immovable as the Earth
True Christian™
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Posts: 4,779
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Body in England but HEART IN FREEHOLD!
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Re: Hiding Bruises -
12-30-2011, 04:18 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coeurdepirate
If this is true which I am almost certain that it is not then please, call the police.
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Proverbs 20:30
The bluenessof a wound cleanseth away evil
YIC
Jack
Genesis 22:2 And he said, Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of.
I know God wouldn't let me believe in Him if He didn't exist.
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Gushing for Jesus
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Posts: 23,730
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Hiding Bruises -
12-30-2011, 05:08 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coeurdepirate
If this is true which I am almost certain that it is not then please, call the police.
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Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby. (Hebrews 12:11) This is a praise forum. We praise God in all things, even physical discomfort. But more importantly, we know God's Ways are Higher and if Good Christian Woman's Godly husband wants to glorify God by following His Will, not only will that bring praise to the LORD on High, but that will surely bring "peaceable fruit of righteousness" into their marriage. Why would you suggest she call the police and ruin that potential righteousness? You can learn more about Godly Christian Discipline in my signature - the link for married ladies.
God Bless,
Mary
Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
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Unsaved trash, french queer
Under Investigation
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Posts: 19
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Godless Sweden
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Re: Hiding Bruises -
12-30-2011, 05:27 PM
This mindframe is both saddening and disgusting. No normal human thinks like this. You have been brainwashed. I seriously hoĺe that you can regain your sanity.
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With faith as immovable as the Earth
True Christian™
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Posts: 4,779
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Body in England but HEART IN FREEHOLD!
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Re: Hiding Bruises -
12-30-2011, 05:35 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coeurdepirate
This mindframe is both saddening and disgusting. No normal human thinks like this. You have been brainwashed. I seriously hoĺe that you can regain your sanity.
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YOU have been brainwashed by soft modern society! Remember Jesus himself gave instruction on chastisement,
Luke 12:47 And that servant, which knew his lord's will, and prepared not himself, neither did according to his will, shall be beaten with many stripes.
or do YOU know better than Our Lord Jesus???
YIC
Jack
Genesis 22:2 And he said, Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of.
I know God wouldn't let me believe in Him if He didn't exist.
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Gushing for Jesus
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Posts: 23,730
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Hiding Bruises -
12-30-2011, 05:40 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coeurdepirate
hoĺe
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I'm sorry, what?
God Bless,
Mary
Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
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Completely CRAZY for the Lord
True Christian™
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Posts: 14,663
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Leviticus Landing
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Re: Hiding Bruises -
12-30-2011, 08:32 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coeurdepirate
No normal human thinks like this..
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The original condition of Adam was in accordance with God's plan. But he succumbed to the lascivious beguilment of the woman God eventually provided for him as a companion animal. Prior to that there had obviously been no female humans.
So the "normal" condition of all humans thenceforth (except in the case of Jesus who was miraculously uncontaminated despite being born from a woman) is one of corruption. Of course we cannot think as God would have us! That is why He has given us The Bible!
II TIMOTHY 3
13 But euill men and seducers shall waxe worse and worse, deceiuing, and being deceiued.
14 But continue thou in the things which thou hast learned, and hast been assured of, knowing of whome thou hast learned them.
15 And that from a childe thou hast knowen the holy Scriptures, which are able to make thee wise vnto saluation through faith which is in Christ Iesus.
©1611
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 345
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: In my prayer closet
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Re: Hiding Bruises -
12-30-2011, 10:09 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coeurdepirate
This mindframe is both saddening and disgusting. No normal human thinks like this. You have been brainwashed. I seriously hoĺe that you can regain your sanity.
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You're right. I have been brainwashed. Jesus Christ has washed my brain of unclean thoughts. I hope one day your brain will be washed in the blood of the Lamb, as well as your heart.
1 Corinthians 14:34 Shut up and get back in the kitchen!
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 345
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: In my prayer closet
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Re: Hiding Bruises -
12-30-2011, 10:10 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda
I'm sorry, what?
God Bless,
Mary
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Apparently he's from Europe. His keyboard probably doesn't type proper American.
1 Corinthians 14:34 Shut up and get back in the kitchen!
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Gushing for Jesus
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Posts: 23,730
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Hiding Bruises -
12-30-2011, 10:39 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Good Christian Woman
Apparently he's from Europe. His keyboard probably doesn't type proper American.
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I didn't know if he sneezed, God struck him with a convulsive seizure, or he was trying to curse us in his native language. Thank you for explaining to me, sister.
Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
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True Christian™ Just a Regular Nice Guy
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Posts: 29,835
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Between Lynchburg and Walton's Mountain
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Re: Hiding Bruises -
12-30-2011, 11:22 PM
You women certainly like to cluck!
Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Unsaved Trash, degenerate godmocking fool
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Posts: 79
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Communist China
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Re: Hiding Bruises -
01-01-2012, 11:45 AM
If it's consentual then knock yourself out (or your wife)
Try and beat some sense into them though I seriously doubt you'll be able to.
Can't say I liked the photo of your black eye though, I think if I had a problem with my girlfriend I wouldn't want to ruin her face, some simple waterboarding will suffice and you wont be digusted by her swollen face either.
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Honorary True Christian™
Forum Member
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Posts: 13,993
Join Date: May 2008
Location: North Salem, Indiana
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Re: Hiding Bruises -
01-01-2012, 08:25 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Benedict A. Davis
I have to agree with you Rev.. Since the object of the exercise is a learning experience for your wife, not some act of mindless violence, there is no reason that you can not wait until you have access to your favorite caning instrument where the strikes can be well placed, without the need to worry about some nosy libeleral calling the authorities and you having to waste your time explaining it is none of their damn business what happens between a man, his wife, and their deep felt religious beliefs!
Besides this I find that if you have a set ''discipline time'' right after dinner your food is on the table a little faster and I never have to ask for my ice filled up! Yep I never mention her mistakes of the day until after I have had my supper.
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Not to mention, Brother, if you let her know that a spanking is coming later, she can anticipate the punishment and think on her misdeeds. The anticipation is sometimes a greater deterrent than the punishment, I'm told.
It's worth noting that none of the women in my congregation ever come to church with a black eye (or a fractured cheekbone, like poor < name of certain Lady of Landover censored to protect the innocent fiance - Moderator > ended up with -- I hope the plastic surgeon can restore some degree of symmetry to her face), though certain ladies do sometimes prefer to hear the sermon standing.
Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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