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Default GOD Is Killing Steve Jobs! - 01-17-2011, 08:44 PM

It was announced today that Steve Jobs is dying. This "man," most famous for enabling gays on the computers, has had all sorts of curses placed on him by The Lord to warn him of his fate. As we all know, sickness is caused by GOD:

Quote:
Deuteronomy 28:59-61 (King James Version)

59Then the LORD will make thy plagues wonderful, and the plagues of thy seed, even great plagues, and of long continuance, and sore sicknesses, and of long continuance.

60Moreover he will bring upon thee all the diseases of Egypt, which thou wast afraid of; and they shall cleave unto thee.

61Also every sickness, and every plague, which is not written in the book of this law, them will the LORD bring upon thee, until thou be destroyed.
Quote:
Deuteronomy 32:39 (King James Version)

39See now that I, even I, am he, and there is no god with me: I kill, and I make alive; I wound, and I heal: neither is there any that can deliver out of my hand.
Quote:
2 Samuel 12:15 (King James Version)

15And Nathan departed unto his house. And the LORD struck the child that Uriah's wife bare unto David, and it was very sick.
Quote:
Acts 12:23 (King James Version)

23And immediately the angel of the Lord smote him, because he gave not God the glory: and he was eaten of worms, and gave up the ghost.
Quote:
Leviticus 26:14-16 (King James Version)

14But if ye will not hearken unto me, and will not do all these commandments;

15And if ye shall despise my statutes, or if your soul abhor my judgments, so that ye will not do all my commandments, but that ye break my covenant:

16I also will do this unto you; I will even appoint over you terror, consumption, and the burning ague, that shall consume the eyes, and cause sorrow of heart: and ye shall sow your seed in vain, for your enemies shall eat it.
Quote:
2 Chronicles 21:12-15 (King James Version)

12And there came a writing to him from Elijah the prophet, saying, Thus saith the LORD God of David thy father, Because thou hast not walked in the ways of Jehoshaphat thy father, nor in the ways of Asa king of Judah,

13But hast walked in the way of the kings of Israel, and hast made Judah and the inhabitants of Jerusalem to go a whoring, like to the whoredoms of the house of Ahab, and also hast slain thy brethren of thy father's house, which were better than thyself:

14Behold, with a great plague will the LORD smite thy people, and thy children, and thy wives, and all thy goods:

15And thou shalt have great sickness by disease of thy bowels, until thy bowels fall out by reason of the sickness day by day.
Quote:
1 Corinthians 11:30 (King James Version)

30For this cause many are weak and sickly among you, and many sleep.
Steve Jobs has ignored all of these signs, but there is ONE way he can be healed. Jesus ONLY heals people who have faith in Him:
Quote:
Matthew 9:28-29 (King James Version)

28And when he was come into the house, the blind men came to him: and Jesus saith unto them, Believe ye that I am able to do this? They said unto him, Yea, Lord.

29Then touched he their eyes, saying, According to your faith be it unto you.
Mr. Jobs better get on his knees and accept Christ Jesus if he is to be healed. It is the ONLY way Jesus will heal him. if you don't believe, you not only go to Hell, you die a sickly painful death while Jesus laughs at you!


Yours In Christ,

Gabriel Reproba, Esq. (Lawyer for the Lord)

Further reading to help you become a True Christian™

Stoning Sinners: A How-To Guide
Scientific Study: Bible is NOT "All About Love"
The One Sin Jesus Says He Won't EVER Forgive!
Should we only follow SOME of the Bible?
How will YOU sacrifice your kids?
20 Questions To See If Your Son Is A Fag
God: Dress Like A Whore...Get Raped!
Bible: If You Love Your Wife, Beat Her!
Logic and Bible Agree: Gay is a choice!
Nursery Rhymes Teach kids that Christ is Lord!
There is no such thing as an "agnostic!"
Science: People are Only Islamic Because They are Depressed!

Reading only the parts of the Bible your pastor tells you to (those that make you feel warm and fuzzy) is nothing but mental and spiritual masturbation. Read the WHOLE Bible to find out what Christianity is REALLY all about! Only then can you talk to us about why we try so hard to save people from Hell.

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Default Re: GOD Is Killing Steve Jobs! - 01-17-2011, 08:52 PM

GLORY! Finally God is taking aim and one of the biggest gay enablers in US History. Apple computers are made first and foremost so gay men can hook up for butt sex. Time Jobs gets called up to face Judgment by Jesus.



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Default Re: GOD Is Killing Steve Jobs! - 01-17-2011, 09:03 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gabriel Reproba View Post
It was announced today that Steve Jobs is dying. This "man," most famous for enabling gays on the computers, has had all sorts of curses placed on him by The Lord to warn him of his fate. As we all know, sickness is caused by GOD:

Steve Jobs has ignored all of these signs, but there is ONE way he can be healed. jesus ONLY heals people who have faith in Him:
Mr. Jobs better get on his knees and accept Christ Jesus if he is to be healed. It is the ONLY way Jesus will heal him. if you don't believe, you not only go to Hell, you die a sickly painful death while Jesus laughs at you!
God is finally punishing him for taking the Lisa off the market and going to closed, proprietary systems, unlike the rest of the world's 99.9999% of the computers which are wide open systems.

iPhones are also the toys of the Devil and the iPad is used to download pornography faster. I won't even start on the iPod.


YiJC, BS

II Peter 1:4 -- Whereby are giuen vnto vs exceeding great and precious promises, that by these you might bee partakers of thy diuine nature, hauing escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.
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Default Re: GOD Is Killing Steve Jobs! - 01-17-2011, 09:17 PM

Brother Cranky posted an excellent thread on the most popular iPod/iPhone app of all time, Angry Birds and the way it encourages underage sex and Nazism. That alone would be enough to condemn the inventor of the iPod to hell in my book.

The very fact that the most popular iPod is called a Touch should make it obvious what this pervert has in mind for our future True Christian™ children!


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Default Re: GOD Is Killing Steve Jobs! - 01-17-2011, 09:23 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe View Post
GLORY! Finally God is taking aim and one of the biggest gay enablers in US History. Apple computers are made first and foremost so gay men can hook up for butt sex. Time Jobs gets called up to face Judgment by Jesus.
Apple may protect homers from computer viruses, but it won't protect them from the AIDS! How can they keep defying God, tearing up eachother's anuses whilst sticking their middle finger up at Him and downloading gay porn on their Apple computers, all the while knowing that they will die of AIDS and go to Hell for it? Something is not adding up here.


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Default Re: GOD Is Killing Steve Jobs! - 01-18-2011, 09:42 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Billy Bob Jenkins View Post
Something is not adding up here.
I could not agree more Brother. I think the reason Steve Jobs seems more or less alive is because he is doing Satan's work. I think the real Steve Jobs died years ago, before the gayPhone started corrupting our youth, and that he has been replaced by a demon while the real Steve Jobs is burning in Hell. All Apple users will get what they deserve though: Deuteronomy 32:17 "They sacrificed unto devils, not to God; to gods whom they knew not, to new gods that came newly up, whom your fathers feared not.".


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Default Re: GOD Is Killing Steve Jobs! - 01-18-2011, 12:29 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man View Post
I could not agree more Brother. I think the reason Steve Jobs seems more or less alive is because he is doing Satan's work. I think the real Steve Jobs died years ago, before the gayPhone started corrupting our youth, and that he has been replaced by a demon while the real Steve Jobs is burning in Hell. All Apple users will get what they deserve though: Deuteronomy 32:17 "They sacrificed unto devils, not to God; to gods whom they knew not, to new gods that came newly up, whom your fathers feared not.".
Alternate theory: He is undead. Just look at him:



He is a skeleton!


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Further reading to help you become a True Christian™

Stoning Sinners: A How-To Guide
Scientific Study: Bible is NOT "All About Love"
The One Sin Jesus Says He Won't EVER Forgive!
Should we only follow SOME of the Bible?
How will YOU sacrifice your kids?
20 Questions To See If Your Son Is A Fag
God: Dress Like A Whore...Get Raped!
Bible: If You Love Your Wife, Beat Her!
Logic and Bible Agree: Gay is a choice!
Nursery Rhymes Teach kids that Christ is Lord!
There is no such thing as an "agnostic!"
Science: People are Only Islamic Because They are Depressed!

Reading only the parts of the Bible your pastor tells you to (those that make you feel warm and fuzzy) is nothing but mental and spiritual masturbation. Read the WHOLE Bible to find out what Christianity is REALLY all about! Only then can you talk to us about why we try so hard to save people from Hell.
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Default Re: GOD Is Killing Steve Jobs! - 01-20-2011, 08:42 PM

Great. The atheists will have a field day with this one.

They'll go after the Tea Party Christians and mock them by demanding repeal of a "Jobs-Killing God Act" or some such idiocy.


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Default Re: GOD Is Killing Steve Jobs! - 01-21-2011, 05:56 AM

He is making alot of dirty money out of this too
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Default Re: GOD Is Killing Steve Jobs! - 11-30-2012, 04:40 PM

A friend of mine, who is a "casual" mac user (as if there's such a thing) has a problem with his iMac.

He's learned the hard way that if you are using headphones with an iMac, and you accidentally pull them out, the sound goes right to speakers. Mac speakers can be very loud, and the speakers sound so similar to the headphones that he sometimes leaves the speakers on, because he thinks the sound is coming from the headphones.

He swears it's just modern pop music, which just happens to sound a lot like earsplitting porn when it wakes everybody up at 3 in the morning.

My friend - let's call him Brent Carvey - really needs to fix this problem, ideally some way to turn off the speakers (without turning off the headphones).


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Default Re: GOD Is Killing Steve Jobs! - 11-30-2012, 05:44 PM

There is really only one way to deal with Apple products – I call it the "Texas Solution".



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Default Re: GOD Is Killing Steve Jobs! - 12-06-2012, 10:56 PM

Really? Or maybe it's just his appointed time to go? Like all of us have to do at some point. God did not say the righteous wouldn't suffer. And besides, it is based on the individual how they use technology. Look at the internet, for instance. People can corrupt it and look at porn or they can use it to spread the word of God. I think it's a little extreme to say that God is killing him because he made apple.
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Default Re: GOD Is Killing Steve Jobs! - 12-06-2012, 11:04 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by christlike View Post
Or maybe it's just his appointed time to go?
Because....?

Because he enabled homofags on the internet.

The LORD will not be mocked.



Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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