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Default Re: URGENT!!! PRAY FOR PASTOR ZEKE TO GET OUT OF JAIL!!! - 02-03-2010, 12:05 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ThrustingBoy View Post
Haha, I am glad you noticed, but my sig is from something Bobby Joe said in the "Are you and Atheist" thread. I found it funny and liked it. But no, I do not actually think I evolved from a sponge.
Why don't you take some personal responsibility for your self instead of blaming other.



Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

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Time to come clean on Benghazi Mr Obama!
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Default Re: URGENT!!! PRAY FOR PASTOR ZEKE TO GET OUT OF JAIL!!! - 02-03-2010, 12:36 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man View Post
I thought you where a Spongebob fan.
Dear Lord, it appears he is into excrement as well
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Default Re: URGENT!!! PRAY FOR PASTOR ZEKE TO GET OUT OF JAIL!!! - 02-03-2010, 04:42 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gabriel Reproba View Post
Thank goodness! I have been working all night on the motion you requested that I file. (The one that asks a judge to order you out of solitary and into the cell with other inmates so you could preach the word of God to them, especially the queers.) I am glad we do not need to file it anymore...unless you want to sue for the right to go into the jail every once in a while and preach to the queers?
Your motion worked, Brother. Not only am I a free man again, but I managed to convert 7 nubile young men to accept Jesus as their Savior right there in Prison!! Once I got down on my knees and started humming a Godly tune, they were like putty in my hands. In the 4 short hours I spent with them, we experienced dozens of what I like to call "Hallelujah Moments" in every position and combination imaginable. I get excited all over again every time I think about it!



Quote:
Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe View Post
Welcome back to the world Pastor Zeke. I got to say you looked rather chipper and happy when we picked you up at the county jail. Very impressive for someone who has been in the lions den, so to say. The smile on your face was very moving Pastor. All an example of the Protection of the Lord® you move under.
AMEN!! And I'd appreciate it if you would have one of your boys in security run down to the Des Moines Jail and pick up my cellmates. I just got off the phone and the judge has released all 7 of them into my custody. I'd like to relive our hours in lockup and work on some fine-tuning of their Salvation. Shout GLORY!!



Quote:
Originally Posted by ThrustingBoy View Post
So are you stating now that it is ok for somebody of a different religion to start beating you with their Holy book just because they think it is right? Because I assume it will be a cold day in Hell before you admit something like that. I assume you are giving yourself the right but nobody else because you believe that you are right and everybody else is wrong. JUST LIKE EVERYBODY THAT HAS BELIEVES RELIGION DOES.
Dear Hatemonger;

We follow the Holy Bible word for word, as has been pointed out to you on innumerable occasions. God wants those who follow other religions to be killed! All I did was scrambled the brains of bop a queer witch on the head with my steel-plated KJV Bible. He's lucky Jesus didn't get ahold of him before I did!

Once he comes out of his coma (if ever), I'll expect a heartfelt apology and his renunciation of satan. Anything less and I'll press charges against him!


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: URGENT!!! PRAY FOR PASTOR ZEKE TO GET OUT OF JAIL!!! - 02-03-2010, 06:16 AM

I'm so sorry it's taken me this long to voice my jubilation over this newest win for Jesus. Pastor Zeke, you still lead by example, as you always have. News of your freedom reached Rockford while I was at work this morning and my supervisor wrote me up for letting out a loud "WHOOP!" within earshot of a client and for dancing down the aisle of the store while on the clock. My behavior was entirely the work of Jesus so I'll happily take the write-up. Please let me know if there is anything I might do or anything you need for the care or education of the seven cellmates you're taking under your wing. I'm less than five hours away from Freehold and remain at your beck and call.


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Default Re: URGENT!!! PRAY FOR PASTOR ZEKE TO GET OUT OF JAIL!!! - 02-03-2010, 06:57 AM

Glory!


Genesis 19: 31,32
31-And the firstborn said unto the younger, Our father is old, and there is not a man in the earth to come in unto us after the manner of all the earth:
32-Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father.
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Default Re: URGENT!!! PRAY FOR PASTOR ZEKE TO GET OUT OF JAIL!!! - 02-03-2010, 08:16 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by SUV View Post
Dear Lord, it appears he is into excrement as well
Yeah, because I put that there and not you guys.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe View Post
Why don't you take some personal responsibility for your self instead of blaming other.
I wasn't blaming anybody for anything, I stated where I got the idea of my sig from.

And what is all this talk about Spongebob? You guys watch some strange shows.


My parents are highly specialized sponges.
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Default Re: URGENT!!! PRAY FOR PASTOR ZEKE TO GET OUT OF JAIL!!! - 02-03-2010, 09:16 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ThrustingBoy View Post
And what is all this talk about Spongebob? You guys watch some strange shows.
Because you claim to be the child of 2 sponges of course. Did you even read your own signature? You are unable to read the Bible. You are unable to read the posting on this forum. And now you are even unable to read your own postings? How did you ever figure out how to cross a street without getting killed?


Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Default Re: URGENT!!! PRAY FOR PASTOR ZEKE TO GET OUT OF JAIL!!! - 02-03-2010, 11:55 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man View Post
Because you claim to be the child of 2 sponges of course. Did you even read your own signature? You are unable to read the Bible. You are unable to read the posting on this forum. And now you are even unable to read your own postings? How did you ever figure out how to cross a street without getting killed?
Right you are, Brother! To which school did this boy go, seeing that he can write a little, but is unable to read anything at all?


Sweet Lord Jesus,
I want to pray for those who persecute me, my Lord.
Please, treat their children as you treated those of Egypt, when they upset you! (Psalm 135:8-9)
Dash their little children against the stones for their fathers iniquity! (Psalm 137:8-9)
Hit them on the cheek, and smash out their teeth! (Psalm 3:7)
Make their death and descent into Hell swift and terrible! (Psalm 55:15)
Scatter their broken bodies over the streets of their evil cities, like Benghazi, Amsterdam, Tokyo and Mecca! (Psalm 110:6)
Praised be Your Glorious Name™.

Amen.

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Default Re: URGENT!!! PRAY FOR PASTOR ZEKE TO GET OUT OF JAIL!!! - 02-03-2010, 03:18 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Once I got down on my knees and started humming a Godly tune, they were like putty in my hands. In the 4 short hours I spent with them, we experienced dozens of what I like to call "Hallelujah Moments" in every position and combination imaginable. I get excited all over again every time I think about it!
Great Grumpy GOD, Pastor! This must have been every bit as exciting as Jesus recently receiving Oral! Praise!
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