[Levi Jones]

Since my father died, my mother lives in a government funded care center. I probably should take her in her old age, but I figure why bother? She paid into the government all those years. She is entitled to that money.

She doesn't even need oxygen, but we get it anyway and sell it. Mom drives to her tea party rallies in the scooter she got from the feds.

And then there's my family. We get $500 a month in food stamps. And because our income is so low (we live in a 5 bedroom McMansion we rent from some people in the church for cheap).

My wife has partial disability for her persistent lower back problems. Now we have to put curtains up all over the house when she plays with the kids, so the investigators can't see her. But it's totally worth it. That extra $1000 a month comes in handy.

The way I look at it is I am helping to starve the beast. And all the illegals are doing it, so why shouldn't we? We definitely deserve it.

What do you do to show them how much you hate them?

[Bob4God]

I run a gun shop.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

I preach the Holy Word of God.

[Free Market Fred]

Hello fellow True Christians! Well, this is a topic that is near and dear to my heart. I am totally outraged that last year I was forced to pay a whopping $11,000 in taxes on my meager income of $2 billion. It's even more outrageous when you think that Obama is going to take all my hard-earned tax dollars and give it to welfare cheats and Negro drug gangs.

Obama constituents gone wild

So yes, I too got to thinking that if I'm going to be extorted into paying taxes, at least I should be getting something back. At first I decided that I should apply for food stamps, but then I found out that I would be subject to mandatory drug testing!

That too is outrageous! Now don't get me wrong - I support mandatory drug testing for the proletariat, since it should help to secure more convictions and keep my company's privatized prisons full. Plus it will protect the children, who will be taken out of a dangerous home situation and put into the recently privatized Child Protective Services (run by my company) where they can be institutionalized and kept calm with Ritalin and Prozac.

But it's insane that the Job Creators™ should be subjected to routine drug testing. Not that we would take drugs without a prescription, mind you. I personally am drug-free, and I don't think my occasional use of Oxycontin to control pain from an injury I sustained during cosmetic surgery is the Big Government's business. Plus I occasionally need to snort a few crushed Valium when I have trouble sleeping due to my high-pressure job. And rarely, I need to take a mouthful of amphetamines to keep awake during those boring corporate board meetings where we discuss increasing executive compensation. But I absolutely never purchase street drugs, we must remain highly illegal, and indeed I think we should consider mandatory life imprisonment for those who engage in such nefarious activities like using so-called "medical marijuana."

I just got off the phone with my company's lobbyists, and we're going to push a bill through congress authorizing CEOs to hire a proxy to take the mandatory drug tests. And should any drugs be found, the proxy would be subject to arrest and prosecution. This will help create jobs, for proxies, prosecutors and SWAT teams. Plus I'll finally be able to get those food stamps, which I so richly deserve considering my major contributions to the US economy.

Not that I really want to "stick it" to the federal government - after all, it's important that we have just enough government to pay the bailouts to Wall Street banks, keep up military spending, and keep the prison-industrial complex well-funded. But we certainly want to make government small and lean, which we can accomplish by eliminating Socialist Security, Medicare and public schools.

It's what Jesus would do.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

That $11,000 that the government stole from you like a thief in the night could have paid for the custom white tigerskin seats I wanted for my 2015 Cadillac Escalade.

Thanks, Obama.

[Nobar King]

I re-used a stamp, once.

[Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson]

I go as a "guest" to public schools with my father and we go to all those eligible to vote and convince them to vote Tea Party, while preaching the Bible. I also am going to get a gun. Take that Obama!