[Mother Of Seven]

I can now reveal what my husband has been up to the last few weeks. He works as a mining consultant and needs to attend various conferences in different parts of the world. At a recent conference in Germany, he was approached by some slants from Brunei. Since then, he has spent hours on the phone and the internet to Brunei. He can now reveal what he was up to.

Last Thursday, Brunei made an announcement that will give you a background to the issue. Remember, Brunei is in south-east Asia and therefore has no neighbours to learn from.

Bandar Seri Begawan, Brunei: A controversial new penal code for oil-rich Brunei that will eventually include tough Islamic sharia penalties such as severing of limbs and death by stoning came into effect on Thursday.
Brunei's all-powerful Sultan Hassanal Bolkiah had said on Wednesday that he would push ahead with the introduction of the new criminal code that has sparked rare domestic criticism of the fabulously wealthy ruler and international condemnation.
The initial phase beginning introduces fines or jail terms for offences including indecent behaviour, failure to attend Friday prayers, and out-of-wedlock pregnancies.
There were no known events to mark Thursday's implementation.
A second phase covering crimes such as theft and robbery is to start later this year, involving more stringent penalties such as severing of limbs and flogging.
Late next year, punishments such as death by stoning for offences including sodomy and adultery will be introduced.

These slants want to visit Freehold to study stoning techniques. Now, these slants are Mooslims and this is the problem. Mike had already explained to them that at best they could hope for, their accommodation would be outside city limits, and they would only get visitor permits for the day. If (and a big if) they can even get permits. So, he asked me to put it on here to see what LBC members think. Should we or should we not allow these Mooslim slants in to Freehold?

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Here is what the DoF says about this guy

Hassanal Bolkiah [...] is the 29th and current Sultan and Yang Di-Pertuan of Brunei. He is also the first and incumbent Prime Minister of Brunei. [...]

The sultan is worth an estimated $20 billion and lives in an 1,800-room palace. Bolkiah is implementing a Sharia law penal code that includes death by stoning, the severing of limbs, and flogging for crimes in Brunei such as abortions, adultery and homosexual acts. The sultan has had three wives and has numerous children. He has received many awards from the leaders of other nations.

It would be churlish not to invite such an eminent person by having him re-arrange a schedule to one that did not include a Prestigious visit to Landover. The Sultan is known to be a generous man, steeped in traditional manners which require a honored guest to make an appropriate gift to the host.

As I look through his policies, I see a few points for ecumenical, inter-faith discussion e.g. Why flogging and not stoning for adultery? And his understanding of severing limbs of those who offend rather than severing your own limb if it offends you. Pastor Zeke could allow him and his wives into the church itself and perhaps find accommodation for them at his own more modest 122 roomed abode.

I'm sure we should welcome him and ignore the fact that he is not American.

[Cranky Old Man]

I am certain once they see stoning for what it really is, Jesus' method of cleansing the human race from unwanted subjects, they will all stop being Muslims and become Christians instead!

I will be at the training session throwing the first stone (John 8:7).

[Basilissa]

Sister Mother of Seven, can the visit of our distinguished guests be arranged to happen during the Annual Freehold Stoning Festival? This event has been such a success every year.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Originally Posted by Basilissa

Sister Mother of Seven, can the visit of our distinguished guests be arranged to happen during the Annual Freehold Stoning Festival? This event has been such a success every year.

Depending on how big you want the welcome to be, Mother/7, we could invite my friend, Iowa Governor Terry Branstad. He likes to come by and throw a few stones at the mock ups of harlots and children.

[BaptistBethany]

I would be more than happy to donate plastic stoning buckets for the event. I am attaching a picture, which is a crude/quickly done mock up. Of course, I would put more time in the logo/design later.

[Mother Of Seven]

Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold

Depending on how big you want the welcome to be, Mother/7, we could invite my friend, Iowa Governor Terry Branstad. He likes to come by and throw a few stones at the mock ups of harlots and children.

As the mayor, it's really up to you and the pastors to decide. I don't see why we shouldn't make it bigger than that slave of the Romans, Ben Hur. It could turn out to be a magnificent tourist opportunity to convert all those false Christians.
The only issue I see is that the Mooslims would not be invited to the church service prior to the stoning. That would desecrate our beautiful church. But as they'll want to do their prayer thing as well, maybe one of our older ladies may be happy to donate her old disused menstra hut to be re-erected outside the Freehold gate. That should make a good prayer hut for them. (And don't any of you naughty boys put in powerful magnets to make them face the wrong way We're hoping for a large donation from the Sultan)
We'll also have to insist that the children don't start stoning the Sultan when they see a man in woman's dress.


P.S. Brother Bathfire, I just re-read your post.

Pastor Zeke could allow him and his wives into the church itself and perhaps find accommodation for them at his own more modest 122 roomed abode.

Aaahh yes, I'm sure that could be arranged (given Pastor Zeke agrees) if a substantial donation were involved


I for one will be forbidding my 5 year old daughter from attending in case the Sultan decides that she would make a good bride for him

[Freddy Osborne]

Would it be possible to stream the event for those of us outside of Freehold?

Or maybe even a PPV event for the general public?

[Morton Weinstein]

From a financial aspect, oh, the profits! However, as I am sure you are aware, the Muslims claim our Abraham - YOUR Abraham - as father of their cult. They are known to be murderers and terrorists. They do make some great stuffed grape leaves - which is about all I can say in favor of them.

Make it Ben-Hur while remembering most of them have Ben-Gay. Get your money - and speedily escort them to the outskirts of town. Ensure that women and children are kept far away. Many of them are hairy, smelly creatures in search of child brides. (I have three on my dorm)

Perhaps you can use this time to convert them from their current cult to a way of life that is pleasing to the Lord of Hosts.

[MitzaLizalor]

Originally Posted by Morton Weinstein

(I have three on my dorm)

I have some visitors here at present, they seem to spend a lot of time awake and have been discussing something called "the Sultan of Brunei scam" which requires a selection of swarthy types with smarmy accents, apparently. Obviously my visitors do not come into that category, but those 3 on your dorm might be worth keeping an eye on. I don't know if this is helpful or not.

[Johny Joe Hold]

I thought it might be helpful to remind citizens that I issued a Proclamation for our first Summer Stoning Festival.

The event was part on an ongoing effort to return stoning to its rightful place in the criminal justice system. Stoning criminals and juveniles is so cheap--incarceration is $100,000 a year. And, citizens of all ages can participate in the stoning. Citizen government is the foundation of democracy.

http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showt...+stones&page=2

[Mother Of Seven]

Mr Mayor, Are you able to name a date for 2014 so that we can start making final preparations?
YIC
Heather

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Have bucket - will travel.

[Attila's Wife]

Originally Posted by Mother Of Seven

Mr Mayor, Are you able to name a date for 2014 so that we can start making final preparations?

And so that those of us who need to book airline tickets can do so. The grandchildren are so excited, as they've never participated in a stoning before.

[Cranky Old Man]

Originally Posted by Mother Of Seven

I for one will be forbidding my 5 year old daughter from attending in case the Sultan decides that she would make a good bride for him

As long as the Sultan chooses Christ before marrying your daughter, I don't see a problem. Are her hips fit for bearing many babies for Jesus?

[Mother Of Seven]

Only mooslims marry 6 year olds (and she'll be 6 by then).
And no. She doesn't have child-bearing hips. She's just a skinny little 5 year old, even if she is a very pretty little girl.

[Johny Joe Hold]

NOTICE TO CITIZENS OF FREEHOLD:

As part of the effort to welcome our visiting Muslim dignitary, your City is holding it's annual FREEHOLD SUMMER STONING FESTIVAL on

Saturday, April 17.

Committees are already working on events. Scheduled for far are these:

1. A Pentagon demonstration of modern stone warfare using the catapult.

2. A benefit concert for the Freehold Sanctity of Marriage Committee starring anti homer recording artist, Anita Bryant.

3. Following a sermon from Pastor Zeke, an short warning about sin message from Franklin Graham (Billy's favorite son).

Suggestions are welcome for other events.

[Mother Of Seven]

Currently I'm looking at a number of options to keep the children amused. My husband Mike, is organising a workshop for pre-school boys on making their own slingshots. They will be able to test them out on some of the feral cats hanging around Freehold, that we plan to capture before the event. More children's events to be announced.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Apologies, the date of the Freehold Summer Stoning Festival is May 17.

Johny Joe Hold, Mayor