I was hard to keep my joy over God smashing that ungodly Clinton under control. Evils like women's rights, abortion and foreigners can now become faint memories of our dark past. White Christian Republicans can take their rightful place once again, at the top. Against all liberal media predictions, Americans have voted for the underdog. The white Republican Christian middle-aged heterosexual billionair underdog has won against all odds. Clearly God was on his side.
People living in Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania got a bit worried though. They falsely understood The Donald's statement that under his administration the United States would not automatically defend the Baltic states from Russia if they were invaded. They seem to think this means America will no longer protect them, but that is not what Donald Trump said. He said the U.S.A. will no longer do it automatically. If the Baltic states do what they should have been doing already since 1991, pay America protection money, Donald Trump will gladly skip golfing or opening new hotels for a moment to command our army to send some nukes.
Being one of Trump's trusted advisors myself, I started working on a USA World Defence Pricelist to take away these misunderstandings:
BASIC.: $250 per inhabitant per month (includes threatening tweets by Donald Trump himself if Russia decides to invade)
DELUXE: $350 per inhabitant per month (includes a meeting between Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin in case of a successful invasion where Donald will use his art of the deal skills)
GOLD..: $900 per inhabitant per month (includes threatening flights by American airplanes, bombs can be purchased for $900.000 each and have to be paid in advance)
Of course Donald Trump will always do what is in the best interest of America as he has promised during his campaign and repeated during his acceptance speech. So if Russia is prepared to pay more than Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania then America will gladly help Russia to get those Russia hating terrorists under control to make Russia great again.
Yours in Christ,
Pastor J.C. Manning, M.D., Ph.D.