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Promise Enforcers - Men Only! We make Promise Keepers look like homers! No homosexuals or women allowed!

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  #21  
Old 04-23-2009, 09:27 AM
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Default Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Masturbation (which should never be done) is a private thing that people do by themselves like cannibalism and watching Fox News. At what point does masturbating in front of a group of people turn into a handjob?
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  #22  
Old 04-23-2009, 01:34 PM
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Default Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

That sounds like a bad dream. He's lucky he didn't go to school naked.
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  #23  
Old 04-24-2009, 11:13 PM
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Default Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Take it from me-- if you masturbate too much you'll go impotent. After 18 years in the porn industry the only way I can get a hard anymore is to watch a midget getting strangled while listening to Barry Manilow.
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  #24  
Old 04-25-2009, 07:10 AM
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Default Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rick 'Magma' Bocchino View Post
Take it from me-- if you masturbate too much you'll go impotent. After 18 years in the porn industry the only way I can get a hard anymore is to watch a midget getting strangled while listening to Barry Manilow.
That's horrible, Rick. Barry Manilow's not a Christian singer. I thought you were saved.
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  #25  
Old 07-06-2009, 11:19 PM
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Default Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

I think a good hot bath with lots of Lye soap will cleanse the evil from most masturbators (even if it doesn't their Devilish parts will be too sore to touch).
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  #26  
Old 07-07-2009, 12:04 AM
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Default Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Take a bath "on the rocks", cold water is very effective for me.

Do not forget to pray later and be grateful for it to God.
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  #27  
Old 07-07-2009, 03:28 AM
Oakland "Reb" Griner Oakland "Reb" Griner is offline
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Default Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

In difficult situations where the individual is particularly resistant to discontinue self pleasuring, when is it correct to consider harsher measures ??

For instance, infibulation for a girl, or cauterization for a boy ??
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  #28  
Old 07-08-2009, 06:59 PM
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Default Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

I am a woman.

Masturbation is a natural want and feeling. Animals masturbate and they can't sin at all. So if God doesn't strike them down, then God won't strike you down.

Also, masturbation helps keep your male organs healthy. Want to avoid prostate cancer? Better masturbate!

I masturbate and I'm not ashamed! (Remember: shame and pride are two different things.)
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  #29  
Old 07-08-2009, 08:13 PM
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Default Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

I don't see what the problem is here, I actively encourage it within my flock, it hasn't effected anyones ability to be a firm believer.
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  #30  
Old 07-08-2009, 08:41 PM
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Unhappy Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

You two are disgusting! God is going to strike you down and send you to Eternal Damnation in Hell!
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Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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  #31  
Old 07-11-2009, 09:54 PM
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Default Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Quote:
Originally Posted by Anesthesia View Post
I am a woman.

Masturbation is a natural want and feeling. Animals masturbate and they can't sin at all. So if God doesn't strike them down, then God won't strike you down.
Animals do sin! Haven't you seen all those gay penguins in zoos! Thankfully God does smite them:



Quote:
Also, masturbation helps keep your male organs healthy. Want to avoid prostate cancer? Better masturbate!
That's a lie told by the lieberal "scientists" to get more people to masturbate for Satan, don't be decieved!

Quote:
I masturbate and I'm not ashamed! (Remember: shame and pride are two different things.)
Of course, pride is a sin, shame is a virtue
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Job 40:15-18 Behold now behemoth, which I made with thee; he eateth grass as an ox. Lo now, his strength is in his loins, and his force is in the navel of his belly. He moveth his tail like a cedar: the sinews of his stones are wrapped together. His bones are as strong pieces of brass; his bones are like bars of iron.
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  #32  
Old 07-12-2009, 12:55 AM
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Default Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

I've heard that it's good luck to find a freshly eaten penguin inside of your seal after you BBQ it.
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  #33  
Old 07-17-2009, 06:00 AM
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Default Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nobar King View Post
I've heard that it's good luck to find a freshly eaten penguin inside of your seal after you BBQ it.
It always brings me good luck, at least, but I'm not superstitious, I just think is God blessing me. Mmmm, now I have a craving for baby seal brains
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Job 40:15-18 Behold now behemoth, which I made with thee; he eateth grass as an ox. Lo now, his strength is in his loins, and his force is in the navel of his belly. He moveth his tail like a cedar: the sinews of his stones are wrapped together. His bones are as strong pieces of brass; his bones are like bars of iron.
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  #34  
Old 07-30-2009, 08:39 AM
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Default Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

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Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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  #35  
Old 08-06-2009, 04:01 AM
John Frink John Frink is offline
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Default Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
3. If you are associated with other persons having this same problem, YOU MUST NOT BREAK OFF THEIR FRIENDSHIP. By associating with other people having the same weakness, the two of you can become stronger as a team. Don't suppose that two of you will quit separately, you never will. You must stick together with people who share your depravity. Just to be in their presence will keep your problem foremost in your mind. The problem must be taken seriously for it to be wiped out. Your mind must be focused on other and more wholesome things. Read the Bible!
Praise Pastor Ezekiel!

I have a question, however. How does one know when one is in the presence of another sinner of this variety?

If I am to avoid these people, how will I know how to spot them?
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  #36  
Old 08-06-2009, 04:02 AM
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Default Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

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Originally Posted by John Frink View Post
Praise Pastor Ezekiel!

I have a question, however. How does one know when one is in the presence of another sinner of this variety?

If I am to avoid these people, how will I know how to spot them?
Well, you could just ask them.
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Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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  #37  
Old 08-06-2009, 04:11 AM
Oakland "Reb" Griner Oakland "Reb" Griner is offline
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Default Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Or even worse, just take note of proffered sticky fingers . . .
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Jud 1:15 To execute judgment upon all, and to convince all that are unGodly among them of all their unGodly deeds which they have unGodly committed, and of all their hard [speeches] which unGodly sinners have spoken against him.
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  #38  
Old 08-06-2009, 04:25 AM
John Frink John Frink is offline
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Default Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

How do I bring that up in a conversation?

Hey Bob, great lawn, are you an Onanist?
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  #39  
Old 08-06-2009, 04:30 AM
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Default Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Maybe you should stop thinking about penises so much and get your head into your BIBLE!
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  #40  
Old 09-06-2009, 08:34 AM
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Default Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

While I applaud his intentions, THIS filthy hippie rock and roller's technique cannot be reccommended. Tattoos are as grave a sin as spanking your monkey.

Quote:
Masturbation cure: tattoo "Jesus" on your hand


I laughed when someone first told me this so I wanted ot share it. First off, for those who aren't aware, Brian "Head" Welch is the former KoRn guitarist that left the band once he formed a relationship with "God". Since then he has been baptized in the Jordan River, released an album and wrote a book.
In a 2005 interview Brian said (in regard to how much he obeys "God"), "For example, the Jesus tattoo on my hand keeps me from masturbating and I haven't been with a woman since my ex-wife left me almost five years ago. I go to those extremes to be like Christ and it works for me."
__________________
Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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