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Promise Enforcers - Men Only! We make Promise Keepers look like homers! No homosexuals or women allowed!

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  #11  
Old 02-28-2009, 10:52 PM
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Default Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Quote:
Originally Posted by Thenowhereman42 View Post
Holy shit I hope your not talking about your kid.

I do isometric exercises that involve flexing muscles in order to work some muscle groups against other ones and ultimately gain strength since your body is a temple which you should keep it strong and clean. Sin?
Have you considered prayer? Pastor Zeke can press 500lbs easily.
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  #12  
Old 03-01-2009, 02:59 AM
Wonderboy (Quarantined) Wonderboy is offline
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Default Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

QUIT playing with your dingy
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  #13  
Old 03-01-2009, 03:28 AM
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Pastor Al E Pistle Pastor Al E Pistle is offline
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Pastor Al E Pistle will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Al E Pistle will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Al E Pistle will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Al E Pistle will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Al E Pistle will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Al E Pistle will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Al E Pistle will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Al E Pistle will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Al E Pistle will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Al E Pistle will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Al E Pistle will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wonderboy View Post
QUIT playing with your dingy
Now the thread is about boats?
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  #14  
Old 03-01-2009, 05:16 AM
JennyD JennyD is offline
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Default Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wonderboy View Post
QUIT playing with your dingy
His dingy what? Did he forget to wash his toys again?
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  #15  
Old 03-09-2009, 12:05 PM
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Thaddaeus Thaddaeus is offline
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Default Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

I fully advocate self-dicipline, self-flagellation and the simple steps outlined above as being very effective.
However when controlling onanistic habits in one's children hardware can be an effective complement to a good Christian upbringing.



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  #16  
Old 03-26-2009, 02:22 AM
SDStoopid858 (On Moderation) SDStoopid858 is offline
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Default Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

I say doing it is just being human.
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  #17  
Old 03-27-2009, 12:09 PM
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Pastor Ezekiel Pastor Ezekiel is online now
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Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Quote:
Originally Posted by SDStoopid858 View Post
I say doing it is just being human.
No, doing it is being a perverted, unrepentant sinner who is going to spend all eternity in hell being sodomized by a never ending conga line of demons.
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Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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  #18  
Old 03-28-2009, 02:11 AM
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Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

__________________
Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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  #19  
Old 03-28-2009, 02:21 AM
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Nobar King Nobar King is online now
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Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

The Bible-in-a-year charts are great to help you keep you motivated.
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You're obviously the most intelligent person on this entire forum.




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  #20  
Old 04-23-2009, 05:23 AM
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Pastor Ezekiel Pastor Ezekiel is online now
Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
 

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Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

In case any of you doubt the problems that masturbation can cause, take a look at THIS secular news story.

Quote:
Lancaster County student accused of exposing himself in class

A 17-year-old Narvon, Pa. boy is accused of exposing his genitals in the front of his English classroom and masturbating while calling out students' names, state police said.

The Lancaster County teen, whose name was not disclosed because he's a juvenile, was charged with indecent exposure and disorderly conduct for the April 14 incident at Pequea Valley High School in Leacock Township.
There's just no excuse for that. Satan has you by the shorthairs if you diddle yourself, and sooner or later he'll make you do it in public.
__________________
Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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