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  #21  
Old 03-02-2012, 09:05 PM
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Bobby-Joe Bobby-Joe is offline
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Default Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Lord's Sword View Post
I need to join this club immediately. While viewing Faith Machine's post: Bachelors, I've found some suitable brides for you! I took my pants off, the shorts I wear under my pants off, and had the key to my underwear out, before I realized God was watching me. I've been praying for the last 20 minutes. Please say a prayer for me also.
How is getting married going to help men to beat off the masturbation habit Brother Sword?

Keeping in mind Jesus is watching us men at ALL times may help.
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  #22  
Old 03-02-2012, 09:14 PM
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Default Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

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Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe View Post
How is getting married going to help men to beat off the masturbation habit Brother Sword?

Keeping in mind Jesus is watching us men at ALL times may help.
It was the pictures of those beautiful women in mini-skirts. Pray for me please.

Matthew 5:28


28But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
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Exodus 21:20-21

20And if a man smite his servant, or his maid, with a rod, and he die under his hand; he shall be surely punished. 21Notwithstanding, if he continue a day or two, he shall not be punished: for he is his money.
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  #23  
Old 03-02-2012, 10:12 PM
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Default Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

Brother Sword, get a hold of yourself! Er, I mean, get yourself under control!

Sorry I waved temptation under your nose like that, but let's look at the bright side: You proved to yourself that you were able to do the right thing!
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  #24  
Old 03-03-2012, 12:18 AM
Paul the Foreigner Paul the Foreigner is offline
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Default Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

What is these "Handzoff" cream and gum ?
How it works, how can it help against M-ing?

I tried to search info about it on google, but nothing found.
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Romans 13:1 Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God.
13:2 Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation.
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  #25  
Old 03-03-2012, 01:31 AM
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Faith_Machine Faith_Machine is offline
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Default Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Paul the Foreigner View Post
What is these "Handzoff" cream and gum ?
How it works, how can it help against M-ing?

I tried to search info about it on google, but nothing found.
I suspect that's because Google is run by Northern California limousine liberals who routinely block search results that might be helpful to our Godly cause.

HandzOff is really a wonderful product: When applied to one's genitals, it has an immediate anesthetic effect, causing the area to become as numb as if you'd injected it with Novocaine. However, if you then rub that area with any amount of vigor, the HandzOff cream rapidly breaks down, releasing a powerful capsaicin-based compound that will make your p**** feel like it got to Hell ahead of you, and is already burning.
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  #26  
Old 03-03-2012, 01:46 AM
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Default Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith_Machine View Post
I suspect that's because Google is run by Northern California limousine liberals who routinely block search results that might be helpful to our Godly cause.

HandzOff is really a wonderful product: When applied to one's genitals, it has an immediate anesthetic effect, causing the area to become as numb as if you'd injected it with Novocaine. However, if you then rub that area with any amount of vigor, the HandzOff cream rapidly breaks down, releasing a powerful capsaicin-based compound that will make your p**** feel like it got to Hell ahead of you, and is already burning.
After my morning shower, during which I wash my nether regions with a modified back scratcher to avoid any lustful desires from entering my thoughts, I apply HandzOff brand genital anesthetic liberally to my genitals. The instructions say:
Quote:
Squeeze a quarter size amount of Handzoff brand genital anesthetic into your palm and apply to genitals. CAUTION: Wear gloves to avoid hands from numbing.
I didn't wear gloves on my first application and the result was pillow biters trying to sway me from the Lord all day.

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Exodus 21:20-21

20And if a man smite his servant, or his maid, with a rod, and he die under his hand; he shall be surely punished. 21Notwithstanding, if he continue a day or two, he shall not be punished: for he is his money.
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  #27  
Old 03-03-2012, 01:53 AM
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Faith_Machine Faith_Machine is offline
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Default Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

Whoa, thank you for that testimonial, Sword! Sounds like you really dodged a bullet there. Or several bullets.
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  #28  
Old 03-03-2012, 03:07 AM
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Daisy Mae Johnson Daisy Mae Johnson is offline
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Default Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Paul the Foreigner View Post
What is these "Handzoff" cream and gum ?
How it works, how can it help against M-ing?

I tried to search info about it on google, but nothing found.
Brother,

for immediate relief I suggest using products you may already have in your home, such as Icy Hot or rubbing some Cayenne pepper on your hand before touching your tallywhacker.

I am also aware that some of the Brothers use Dong Tongs so as not to have actual contact with their nether regions.



Helpful,

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  #29  
Old 01-16-2013, 06:09 AM
GoldHelper GoldHelper is offline
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GoldHelper is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.GoldHelper is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.GoldHelper is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.
Default Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

I checked out the verses against masturbation and I know of one more. It's 1 John 3:9 Whoever has been born of God does not sin, for His seed remains in him and he cannot sin because he has been born of God.
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  #30  
Old 01-16-2013, 06:16 AM
GoldHelper GoldHelper is offline
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GoldHelper is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.GoldHelper is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.GoldHelper is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.
Default Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

I'm actually not sure what to make of it exactly, I just know it's against masturbation and my current pastor doesn't seem to want to confirm that for me. It's troubling really. I'm sure God gave me that verse, but all the commentaries I've looked up don't seem to say the obvious. That it's talking about masturbation. The greek word for seed there is sperma, so yeah, I'm sure it's talking about that.
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  #31  
Old 01-16-2013, 06:25 AM
GoldHelper GoldHelper is offline
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GoldHelper is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.GoldHelper is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.GoldHelper is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.
Default Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

How does one remove the label unsaved trash.. as I am royaly in the Kingdom of heaven. I assume it's by way of how I talk in the forum.. but still to assume that is bad. It's better to say under investigation and leave it at that.
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  #32  
Old 01-16-2013, 06:33 AM
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Zechariah Smyth Zechariah Smyth is offline
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Default Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

Quote:
Originally Posted by GoldHelper View Post
How does one remove the label unsaved trash.. as I am royaly in the Kingdom of heaven. I assume it's by way of how I talk in the forum.. but still to assume that is bad. It's better to say under investigation and leave it at that.
You can start by following the rules, one of which is to start a thread of your own in the Introduction Forum.

Do you barge into someone's living room and start criticizing their furniture?

Yours in Christ,

Z. Smyth

P.S. You aren't in Heaven.
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  #33  
Old 01-16-2013, 06:33 AM
GoldHelper GoldHelper is offline
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GoldHelper is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.GoldHelper is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.GoldHelper is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.
Default Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

I'm sorry I keep posting like this, I just keep thinking of things to say. Anyway I do want to join this super awesome kool, terrific, power filled, faith filled group!!! I know I can have more prayers answered if I beat m once in for all. I don't want to be double minded any more on this issue. It's nice to know there are people who think and feel the same way!
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  #34  
Old 01-16-2013, 06:34 AM
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Mary Etheldreda Mary Etheldreda is offline
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Default Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

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Originally Posted by GoldHelper View Post
How does one remove the label unsaved trash.. as I am royaly in the Kingdom of heaven. I assume it's by way of how I talk in the forum.. but still to assume that is bad. It's better to say under investigation and leave it at that.
Hello, and welcome to our friendly forums!

You can find information about this and more HERE (including, Why am I labeled "Unsaved Trash" and "Under Investigation"? That's hurtful).

It seems you've forgotten to introduce yourself! Please go ahead and do so HERE, so that we can greet you properly.

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  #35  
Old 01-16-2013, 06:39 AM
GoldHelper GoldHelper is offline
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GoldHelper is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.GoldHelper is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.GoldHelper is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.
Default Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

When I activated my account and when I regestered it didn't say anything about there being extra rules. And my spirit is seated in heaven next to Christ. Ephesians 2:6 "And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus" And while metaphors can be helpful, just because you use one doesn't mean it makes the point you draw right. It seems rude to me to do that to people.
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  #36  
Old 01-16-2013, 06:59 AM
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Mary Etheldreda Mary Etheldreda is offline
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Default Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

Quote:
Originally Posted by GoldHelper View Post
When I activated my account and when I regestered it didn't say anything about there being extra rules. And my spirit is seated in heaven next to Christ. Ephesians 2:6 "And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus" And while metaphors can be helpful, just because you use one doesn't mean it makes the point you draw right. It seems rude to me to do that to people.
What you may not understand, dear, is that many (most) people who identify themselves as "seated in heaven next to Christ" are in fact quite mistaken. People think they are close to the Almighty One when in fact they are merely fantasizing about some super-man-like deity that just so happens to agree with them 100%.

Only Landover Baptist Church can guarantee Salvation©, so until a legitimate pastor and personal friend of Jesus Christ says you're Saved©, you're still considered, spiritually and generally speaking, unsaved trash.

I hope that helps.

__________________
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(Psalm 127:3-5)


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  #37  
Old 01-16-2013, 04:37 PM
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Godfly will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Godfly will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Godfly will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Godfly will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Godfly will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Godfly will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Godfly will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Godfly will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Godfly will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Godfly will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Godfly will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

I think an Anti-Masturbation club is a great idea. Not masturbating is a lot more fun if you do it in a group.
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Leviticus 13:40 And the man whose hair is fallen off his head, he is bald; yet is he clean.
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  #38  
Old 01-16-2013, 05:11 PM
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Missionary in Sweden Missionary in Sweden is offline
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Missionary in Sweden has bribed people to get these reputation points.Missionary in Sweden has bribed people to get these reputation points.Missionary in Sweden has bribed people to get these reputation points.Missionary in Sweden has bribed people to get these reputation points.Missionary in Sweden has bribed people to get these reputation points.Missionary in Sweden has bribed people to get these reputation points.Missionary in Sweden has bribed people to get these reputation points.Missionary in Sweden has bribed people to get these reputation points.Missionary in Sweden has bribed people to get these reputation points.Missionary in Sweden has bribed people to get these reputation points.
Default Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

I'd also like to join.

I created a separate thread for male chastity devices.

http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=86786
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Are you a filthy sinner unable to keep your hands off your John Thomas? http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=86786

Is your wife disobedient? http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=86604
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  #39  
Old 01-16-2013, 05:46 PM
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Rev. Edward Clement Rev. Edward Clement is offline
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Rev. Edward Clement is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Rev. Edward Clement is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Rev. Edward Clement is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Rev. Edward Clement is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Rev. Edward Clement is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Rev. Edward Clement is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Rev. Edward Clement is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Rev. Edward Clement is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Rev. Edward Clement is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Rev. Edward Clement is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Rev. Edward Clement is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.
Default Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

Quote:
Originally Posted by GoldHelper View Post
When I activated my account and when I regestered it didn't say anything about there being extra rules. And my spirit is seated in heaven next to Christ. Ephesians 2:6 "And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus" And while metaphors can be helpful, just because you use one doesn't mean it makes the point you draw right.
Friend, it remains to be seen whether or not you know Jesus. We follow the Bible to the letter which absolutely instructs us to try the spirits, and that is exactly what we do.

1 John
4:1 Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God: because many false prophets are gone out into the world.

We are True-Christians™ and we are never wrong.

1 John
4:4 Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world. 4:5 They are of the world: therefore speak they of the world, and the world heareth them. 4:6 We are of God: he that knoweth God heareth us; he that is not of God heareth not us. Hereby know we the spirit of truth, and the spirit of error.

We abide in Him and He in us therefore, we are never guilty of the word that you used incorrectly. It is rude to come into a Church Forum, such as this Godly Church Forum®, and to accuse the Brethren of being rude; now that is rude(used correctly), friend.

1 John
2:27 But the anointing which ye have received of him abideth in you, and ye need not that any man teach you: but as the same anointing teacheth you of all things, and is truth, and is no lie, and even as it hath taught you, ye shall abide in him.
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C:Bible Truth.jpg

Psalm 50:22 Now consider this, ye that forget God, lest I tear you in pieces, and there be none to deliver.
Deuteronomy32:35 To me belongeth vengeance and recompence; their foot shall slide in due time: for the day of their calamity is at hand, and the things that shall come upon them make haste.
Jerimiah 13:14 And I will dash them one against another, even the fathers and the sons together, saith the LORD: I will not pity, nor spare, nor have mercy, but destroy them.
Numbers 32:23 But if ye will not do so, behold, ye have sinned against the LORD: and be sure your sin will find you out.
Leviticus24:14 Bring forth him that hath cursed without the camp; and let all that heard him lay their hands upon his head, and let all the congregation stone him.
Ephesians5:5 For this ye know, that no whoremonger, nor unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, hath any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.5:6 Let no man deceive you with vain words: for because of these things cometh the wrath of God upon the children of disobedience. 5:7 Be not ye therefore partakers with them.
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  #40  
Old 01-16-2013, 05:58 PM
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Rev. Edward Clement Rev. Edward Clement is offline
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Rev. Edward Clement is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Rev. Edward Clement is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Rev. Edward Clement is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Rev. Edward Clement is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Rev. Edward Clement is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Rev. Edward Clement is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Rev. Edward Clement is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Rev. Edward Clement is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Rev. Edward Clement is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Rev. Edward Clement is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Rev. Edward Clement is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.
Default Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Godfly View Post
I think an Anti-Masturbation club is a great idea. Not masturbating is a lot more fun if you do it in a group.
Amen Brother, it is always more fun and Spirit Lead© when we can all lend a hand.

Psalm 118

118:15 The voice of rejoicing and salvation is in the tabernacles of the righteous: the right hand of the LORD doeth valiantly.
118:16 The right hand of the LORD is exalted: the right hand of the LORD doeth valiantly.

And where two or three of us are gathered together, there the Lord is in the midst of us.

Matthew

18:19 Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven. 18:20 For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.

Little become much when Jesus is in it!

Isaiah
60:22 A little one shall become a thousand, and a small one a strong nation: I the LORD will hasten it in his time.

Amen!

Ephesians
3:20 Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us,
__________________
C:Bible Truth.jpg

Psalm 50:22 Now consider this, ye that forget God, lest I tear you in pieces, and there be none to deliver.
Deuteronomy32:35 To me belongeth vengeance and recompence; their foot shall slide in due time: for the day of their calamity is at hand, and the things that shall come upon them make haste.
Jerimiah 13:14 And I will dash them one against another, even the fathers and the sons together, saith the LORD: I will not pity, nor spare, nor have mercy, but destroy them.
Numbers 32:23 But if ye will not do so, behold, ye have sinned against the LORD: and be sure your sin will find you out.
Leviticus24:14 Bring forth him that hath cursed without the camp; and let all that heard him lay their hands upon his head, and let all the congregation stone him.
Ephesians5:5 For this ye know, that no whoremonger, nor unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, hath any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.5:6 Let no man deceive you with vain words: for because of these things cometh the wrath of God upon the children of disobedience. 5:7 Be not ye therefore partakers with them.
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