The Landover Baptist Church
Like us or burn

Go Back   The Landover Baptist Church Forum > Church Forums > Promise Enforcers - Men Only!

Promise Enforcers - Men Only! We make Promise Keepers look like homers! No homosexuals or women allowed!

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 08-22-2013, 11:49 PM
Nobar King's Avatar
Nobar King Nobar King is offline
Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58
Christ's Guardian
True Christian™

One Year/1000 posts Saved 1 Year True Christian™ True Christian Provider™ award Ribfest '07 Christian Love Tin Tither Real American™ Cleanest Kitchen Mission to Australia Heaven Bound Tagging for Jesus Protected by JESUS Ex-Masturbator Super Soaker Baptism Award True Christian Hotrodder Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian True Christian Nerd TC Bravery Ex-liberal Ex-Christ-Killer Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Saved 5 Years Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life 20,000 posts Eats the Most Pork True Republican Divorcee Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Early riser Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Kirk Cameron Fan Club Prayer Warrior Touched by Jesus 

Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Mostly on the front porch. Revelation 6:8
Posts: 22,235
Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Exclamation Don't shake your weiner too much!

We all know that you need to drain your trouser snake after taking a wee but if you spend too much time doing IT then you might be gay.

You Must Resist Satan's Urge To Pleasure Yourself.

Don't play with IT.
__________________
May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 08-23-2013, 09:12 AM
Pim Pendergast's Avatar
Pim Pendergast Pim Pendergast is offline
PHD - Theophysicist
Saving The Lost With The Truth Of Applied Theoscience
 

Protected by JESUS Friend of Jesus True Christian™ Heaven Bound Ex-Masturbator Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Flat Earth Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life Eats the Most Pork Prayer Warrior Christian Love TC Bravery The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College The Lord’s Witness Wound Early riser True Scientist™ One Year/1000 posts Saved 1 Year Touched by Jesus 

Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: In the Lamb's book of life (Rev 21:27)
Posts: 2,011
Pim Pendergast will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pim Pendergast will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pim Pendergast will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pim Pendergast will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pim Pendergast will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pim Pendergast will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pim Pendergast will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pim Pendergast will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pim Pendergast will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pim Pendergast will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pim Pendergast will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Don't shake your weiner too much!

What's the point of shaking it at all? However much you jump and dance, the last two drops go in your pants. That's a Theoscientific Fact™! But I think any more than two shakes puts you at a 4 on the Kinsey Scale.
__________________
Gen 6:6-7 And it repented the Lord that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him at his heart. And the Lord said, I will destroy man whom I have created from the face of the earth; both man, and beast, and the creeping thing, and the fowls of the air; for it repenteth me that I have made them.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 09-10-2013, 03:31 PM
Matafakin' Ateist (On Moderation) Matafakin' Ateist is offline
Unsaved Trash
Foul Sinner on Moderation
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 4
Matafakin' Ateist is under investigation -- suspected to be Unsaved Trash.
Exclamation Re: Don't shake your weiner too much!

How the piffle that makes you gay? I believe that you are just retarded mormon.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 09-15-2013, 10:46 PM
the unknown prophet (On Moderation) the unknown prophet is offline
Unsaved trash, False Prophet
Foul Sinner on Moderation
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: trying to get the trout taste out of my mouth for Jesus
Posts: 96
the unknown prophet is under investigation -- suspected to be Unsaved Trash.
Default Re: Don't shake your weiner too much!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Matafakin' Ateist View Post
How the piffle that makes you gay? I believe that you are just retarded mormon.
Uh, no we are not mormons. Kindly refrain from offensive terms like "mormon", "negro-worshipper", "femi-nazi" or better yet, read what's actually in the Bible rather than what you think is in there.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 09-15-2013, 11:35 PM
Godfly's Avatar
Godfly Godfly is online now
Descended from Rapes
True Christian™

True Christian Caucasian Ready for the Rapture Ex-Masturbator Protected by JESUS Real American™ Heaven Bound True Christian™ Christian Love TC Bravery Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Saved 1 Year One Year/1000 posts Tell her once Porn Resistant Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Teabag Patriot Persecuted Punched the most queers Sons of Liberty Super Soaker Baptism Award Persecuted Pro-Life True Republican Ready for the Rapture Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Hatchet Child Rearing Award Truck Stop Ministry Member Prayer Warrior Touched by Jesus Jailed for JESUS Ex-rape victim 

Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Freehold Bible Campground and RV Park.
Posts: 1,378
Godfly will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Godfly will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Godfly will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Godfly will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Godfly will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Godfly will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Godfly will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Godfly will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Godfly will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Godfly will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Godfly will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Don't shake your weiner too much!

Every time a man touches his wiener he risks turning gay. The chances multiply every time you shake it. This is why I never handle my own equipment. This is why God created Mexicans.
__________________
Leviticus 13:40 And the man whose hair is fallen off his head, he is bald; yet is he clean.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 09-16-2013, 10:02 PM
Cranky Old Man's Avatar
Cranky Old Man Cranky Old Man is offline
Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah
You kids get off his lawn!
 

True Christian™ Real American™ Christian Love Christian Love Platinum Tither Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Gunfest '09 Ex-Masturbator Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian The Lord’s Witness Wound 1st Year Bible College Punched the most queers Public Awareness Medal Public Awareness Medal One Year/1000 posts Friend of Jesus 2010 Witch Hunt Award True Christian Nerd Flat Earth The Hatchet Child Rearing Award Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life Eats the Most Pork 2011 Witch Hunt Award True Republican Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Hatchet Child Rearing Award Prayer Warrior 2012 Witch Hunt Award Touched by Jesus 

Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Close to God
Posts: 17,033
Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Don't shake your weiner too much!

I just go whenever I need to go and let my wife clean up the mess.
__________________
The Christian guide to TORTURING your children
Follow me on Twitter or burn in Hell for all eternity!

To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Tags
homosexual risk threat matrix

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Find Additional Forums Here

The information presented here is Biblically accurate. Opinions concerning the technical difficulties, fitness requirements, safety, and ratings of self-crucifixion, flagellation, stoning, destroying enemies of GOD utterly, without mercy, and other activities inherent in Christianity are subjective and may differ from yours or others' opinions; therefore be warned that you must exercise your own judgment as to the difficulty and your ability to safely protect yourself from the inherent risks and dangers. Do not use the information provided on this site unless you are a True Christian ™ who understands and accepts the risks of participating in these activities. Landover Baptist Church makes reasonable efforts to include accurate and up to date information on this website, errors or omissions sometimes occur, therefore the information contained on here is provided "as is" and without warranties of any kind either expressed or implied. Viewing, reading, or any other use of the information contained within this web site is purely the voluntary will of the viewer or user. You, 'the viewer' or 'user' shall not hold the publisher, owner, authors or other contributors of The Jesus Experience responsible for any incidents related directly or indirectly to the Experience. Landover Baptist Church, et. al., assumes no liability or responsibility for your actions.


All times are GMT. The time now is 01:18 AM.


Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1999, 2009 all rights reserved