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Promise Enforcers - Men Only! We make Promise Keepers look like homers! No homosexuals or women allowed!

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  #181  
Old 10-23-2011, 01:42 PM
Ezekiel Bathfire's Avatar
Ezekiel Bathfire Ezekiel Bathfire is offline
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Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Manly Jokes

A husband says to his wife, "What would you do if I won the lottery?"

She says, "I'd take half then leave you."

"Excellent," he replies, "I won $10, here's $5 now clear off!"
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Amen Bathfire E
We are the pure and chosen few,
And all the rest are damned.
There’s room enough in hell for you—
We don’t want heaven crammed.
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  #182  
Old 10-23-2011, 02:05 PM
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Default Re: Manly Jokes

Q: What did the man say to his wife?
A: I'm hungry. Go make me some dinner!
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  #183  
Old 10-24-2011, 12:54 AM
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Default Re: Manly Jokes

Quote:
Originally Posted by proteastantguy View Post
Q: What did the man say to his wife?
A: I'm hungry. Go make me some dinner!
Um, that's not funny it's just life.
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  #184  
Old 10-24-2011, 05:17 PM
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Default Re: Manly Jokes

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Enoch View Post
Um, that's not funny it's just life.
That's why I posted it. But I wish that was life everywhere
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  #185  
Old 10-24-2011, 05:29 PM
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Default Re: Manly Jokes

Quote:
Originally Posted by proteastantguy View Post
That's why I posted it. But I wish that was life everywhere
I could care less how life is everywhere, as long as that's how life is in my home, I'm happy.
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  #186  
Old 10-24-2011, 06:19 PM
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proteastantguy proteastantguy is offline
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Default Re: Manly Jokes

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Enoch View Post
I could care less how life is everywhere, as long as that's how life is in my home, I'm happy.
That's fair enough
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  #187  
Old 10-25-2011, 01:01 AM
BenLovesGod BenLovesGod is offline
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Default Re: Manly Jokes

LOL @ Tell her once award!
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  #188  
Old 06-13-2012, 04:43 AM
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Default Re: Manly Jokes

Whats 9 inches, lives in a man's pants, and girls like to blow it?



$20!







What did you think it was?
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Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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  #189  
Old 06-13-2012, 05:06 AM
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Zechariah Smyth Zechariah Smyth is offline
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Default Re: Manly Jokes

Q: Why can't Gabrielle Giffords drive?

A: Because she's a woman!

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  #190  
Old 06-13-2012, 05:23 AM
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Default Re: Manly Jokes

Q: What does Hillary Clinton have in common with a tampon?

A: They are both stuck up cunts.
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II Thessalonians 1:7-9
And to you who are troubled rest with us, when the Lord Jesus shall be revealed from heaven with his mighty angels,
In flaming fire taking vengeance on them that know not God, and that obey not the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ:
Who shall be punished with everlasting destruction from the presence of the Lord, and from the glory of his power


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The man who is being progressively sanctified will inescapably sanctify his home, school, politics, economics, science, and all things else by understanding and interpreting all things in terms of the Word of God and by bringing all things under the Dominion of Christ the King. -R.J. Rushdoony

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  #191  
Old 06-13-2012, 02:37 PM
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Liam the ex-drunk Liam the ex-drunk is offline
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Default Re: Manly Jokes

Painting the Church

There was a Scottish painter named Smokey Macgregor who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often thinned down his paint to make it go a wee bit further.

As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but the Local Landover Baptist Church mission centre decided to do a big restoration job on the outside of one of their biggest buildings.

Smokey put in a bid, and, because his price was so competitive, he got the job. So he set about erecting the scaffolding and setting up the planks, and buying the paint and, yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with white spirit.

Well, Smokey was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly completed, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, the sky opened, and the rain poured down washing the thinned paint from all over the building and knocking Smokey clear off the scaffold to land on the lawn, surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned and useless paint.



Smokey was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he got down on his knees and cried:

"Oh, God, Oh God, forgive me; what should I do?"



And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke......








"Repaint! Repaint!

And thin nomore!"
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  #192  
Old 07-16-2012, 09:02 PM
AdamE135 (Quarantined) AdamE135 is offline
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Default Re: Manly Jokes

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Since we are alone here, I thought I'd share a few of my favorite jokes with you guys. Feel free to post your own.

Q: What do 10,000 "abused" women have in common?

A: They just wouldn't listen!




Q: What do you say to a woman with two black-eyes?

A: Nothing - you already told her twice!...



Q: Whats the first thing a beaten wife should do after coming back from hospital after the last "incident"?

A: The dishes if she know's whats good for her.

I find this thread disgusting. To joke about the sin of abusing a woman is not righteous. Somehow I don't think God will find these jokes funny. I pray that God works in all of your hearts.
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  #193  
Old 07-16-2012, 09:06 PM
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Zechariah Smyth Zechariah Smyth is offline
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Default Re: Manly Jokes

Quote:
Originally Posted by AdamE135 View Post
I find this thread disgusting. To joke about the sin of abusing a woman is not righteous. Somehow I don't think God will find these jokes funny. I pray that God works in all of your hearts.
Don't be such a wet blanket. God told us we are to have some laughter in our lives:

(Ecclesiastes 3:4) "A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance."
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  #194  
Old 07-16-2012, 09:16 PM
AdamE135 (Quarantined) AdamE135 is offline
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Default Re: Manly Jokes

Quote:
Originally Posted by Zechariah Smyth View Post
Don't be such a wet blanket. God told us we are to have some laughter in our lives:

(Ecclesiastes 3:4) "A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance."
Yes, have laughter of course. But not at the exspense of others or of sin.
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  #195  
Old 07-16-2012, 09:28 PM
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Zechariah Smyth Zechariah Smyth is offline
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Default Re: Manly Jokes

Quote:
Originally Posted by AdamE135 View Post
Yes, have laughter of course. But not at the exspense of others or of sin.
Instead of coming in here and trying to boss people around, how about telling a joke of your own? One that you feel God would approve of, naturally.
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  #196  
Old 07-16-2012, 09:30 PM
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Default Re: Manly Jokes

Quote:
Originally Posted by AdamE135 View Post
I find this thread disgusting. To joke about the sin of abusing a woman is not righteous. Somehow I don't think God will find these jokes funny. I pray that God works in all of your hearts.
What sin? The man is the woman's boss and if she disobeys him she is sinning. The 'abuse' as you call it, is simply correction.

Colossians 3:18 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord

1st Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

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Old 07-16-2012, 09:31 PM
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Default Re: Manly Jokes

Quote:
Originally Posted by Zechariah Smyth View Post
Instead of coming in here and trying to boss people around, how about telling a joke of your own? One that you feel God would approve of, naturally.
I cannot simply read this and not comment how I feel it is sinful. I promise that I am not trying to boss anyone about and I am sorry you feel that way.
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  #198  
Old 07-16-2012, 09:33 PM
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Default Re: Manly Jokes

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Originally Posted by AdamE135 View Post
I cannot simply read this and not comment how I feel it is sinful. I promise that I am not trying to boss anyone about and I am sorry you feel that way.
That wasn't very funny.

Try again.
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Old 07-16-2012, 09:36 PM
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Default Re: Manly Jokes

A few minutes before the services started, the church people were sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from the evil one. Soon everyone had exited the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, unconcerned to the fact that mankind’s enemy was in his presence. So Satan walked up to the old man and said, “Don’t you know who I am?” The man replied, “Yep, your Satan.” “Aren’t you afraid of me?” Satan asked. “No, sure ain’t” said the man. “Don’t you realize what I can do to you?” asked Satan. “I know what you can do to me,” replied the old man. “And you’re still not afraid?” asked Satan. “Nope.” A little perturbed, Satan asked, “Well, why aren’t you afraid of me?” The man calmly replied, “Well, I’ve been married to your sister for over 48 years.”
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  #200  
Old 07-16-2012, 09:37 PM
AdamE135 (Quarantined) AdamE135 is offline
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Default Re: Manly Jokes

Quote:
Originally Posted by Destiny's Blunder View Post
What sin? The man is the woman's boss and if she disobeys him she is sinning. The 'abuse' as you call it, is simply correction.

Colossians 3:18 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord

1st Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

.
Correction?? It is not for husbands to correct (abuse!) their wives, they are there to guide and protect their wives. I agree that the head of a woman is man. But just as Christ loved God we should love our wives. Please see 1 Corinthians 13:4 as an explanation of what love is.

Did Jesus ever beat a woman?? No, he prayed with Women. I love my wife, I would NEVER lay a hand on her like that. She sins of course, as do I, because we are ALL sinners. It is God that will punish us, it is God that will 'correct' us. Therefore it IS GOD who we should turn to when we sin.
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