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Old 01-15-2014, 04:57 AM
Mark L. Snyde, PhD's Avatar
Mark L. Snyde, PhD Mark L. Snyde, PhD is offline
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Mark L. Snyde, PhD is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mark L. Snyde, PhD is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mark L. Snyde, PhD is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mark L. Snyde, PhD is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mark L. Snyde, PhD is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mark L. Snyde, PhD is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mark L. Snyde, PhD is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mark L. Snyde, PhD is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mark L. Snyde, PhD is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mark L. Snyde, PhD is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mark L. Snyde, PhD is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.
Lightbulb Cash in those retirement funds and donate them to LBC NOW!!

Hello Brothers and Sisters!

God spoke to me today regarding the vast amount of money I have accumulated in my various retirement funds. He said, "Boy, my Son is coming soon and all that money you have tucked away will go to waste. Before it is too late, cash it in and sign it over to Pastor Ezekiel, and further, implore your siblings in Christ to do the same!"

He went on to shame me with the following verses:

Quote:
Matthew 6:25 - 6:34

Now viewing scripture range from the book of Matthew chapter 6:25 through chapter 6:34...
Matthew Chapter 6

25 Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?
26 Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?
27 Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature?
28 And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin:
29 And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
30 Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, [shall he] not much more [clothe] you, O ye of little faith?
31 Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?
32 (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.
33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
34 Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day [is] the evil thereof.
You see, I have been woefully disobedient to God by hiding money away for the future, when God clearly says He will provide. I am thinking this disobedience is the reason I have not been able to bring forth the fourth son from my loins.

So, first thing tomorrow morning, I am directing my CPA to make it so. I also ask all of my Brothers and Sisters here to do the same. If you have money tucked away for the future, you are angering God for not following His Word. So, I implore you as God has directed me to do so, to deplete those sinful accounts and send them to our good Pastor immediately. Pastor Ezekiel can do more for God with one dollar than we can do with one hundred on our own.

Now, my wife was in tears over this, but she knows my mind is made up, and my word is final. She will soon come to see the wisdom of obeying God, or she will suffer the consequences. ;)
__________________


I Kings 7:23

And he made a moulten Sea, ten cubites from the one brim to the other: it was round all about, & his height was fiue cubits: and a line of thirtie cubites did compasse it round about.

New here? Desiring to be pleasing in the eyes of The Lord and His Followers?

Then do as directed by our esteemed Pastors and head on over to the Introductions subforum and make your first post there, friend. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus. Anything else you want to share with us about how Jesus has blessed you is welcomed too.

Are you a hater of God that believes He is a morally bankrupt monster? Read Why, you ask, is God so angry? to see that it is in fact you that is the monster that mercilessly and infinitely torments God.

Stop this relentless torturing of God and accept Jesus today!
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  #2  
Old 01-15-2014, 05:10 AM
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Pastor Ezekiel Pastor Ezekiel is offline
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Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Cash in those retirement funds and donate them to LBC NOW!!

Shout Glory! Jesus is speaking this truth to hundreds of True Christians™ right now, and urging them to give all of their material wealth to His favorite church. For, like a thief in the night, Jesus will be coming soon! ANY DAY! And what good will all your wealth do you when Christ is sitting in your living room asking what you have done to fight satan? Christ Jesus will want answers! He suffered and temporarily died for my sins!

For the next 400 True Christians™ who sign their life savings over to Landover Baptist Church, I will have my Church secretary Miss Cookie issue each and every one of you a genuine "True Christian™ Tither" certificate that you can show to Jesus when He returns. Imagine! Christ Jesus will be so proud of you!

Better hurry! This is a limited time offer. So you don't forget, call before midnight tonight!
__________________
Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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  #3  
Old 01-15-2014, 05:27 AM
Mark L. Snyde, PhD's Avatar
Mark L. Snyde, PhD Mark L. Snyde, PhD is offline
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Mark L. Snyde, PhD is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mark L. Snyde, PhD is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mark L. Snyde, PhD is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mark L. Snyde, PhD is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mark L. Snyde, PhD is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mark L. Snyde, PhD is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mark L. Snyde, PhD is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mark L. Snyde, PhD is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mark L. Snyde, PhD is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mark L. Snyde, PhD is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mark L. Snyde, PhD is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.
Default Re: Cash in those retirement funds and donate them to LBC NOW!!

Hallelujah, Pastor Zeke! You are so generous to issue these certificates, even though we have disobeyed God by harboring monies for the future. You are truly a Godly man of grace.

I have just made the call, and assured Sister Cookie to expect the money to be wired to your account in less than 8 hours. I feel like a great burden has just been lifted! GLORY!!!
__________________


I Kings 7:23

And he made a moulten Sea, ten cubites from the one brim to the other: it was round all about, & his height was fiue cubits: and a line of thirtie cubites did compasse it round about.

New here? Desiring to be pleasing in the eyes of The Lord and His Followers?

Then do as directed by our esteemed Pastors and head on over to the Introductions subforum and make your first post there, friend. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus. Anything else you want to share with us about how Jesus has blessed you is welcomed too.

Are you a hater of God that believes He is a morally bankrupt monster? Read Why, you ask, is God so angry? to see that it is in fact you that is the monster that mercilessly and infinitely torments God.

Stop this relentless torturing of God and accept Jesus today!
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  #4  
Old 01-15-2014, 06:59 AM
Mother Of Seven's Avatar
Mother Of Seven Mother Of Seven is online now
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Mother Of Seven will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mother Of Seven will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mother Of Seven will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mother Of Seven will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mother Of Seven will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mother Of Seven will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mother Of Seven will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mother Of Seven will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mother Of Seven will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mother Of Seven will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mother Of Seven will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Cash in those retirement funds and donate them to LBC NOW!!

Pastor Zeke, Where can I find your bank account details to hand over my husband's life time savings? I mean, why do we need them? Our kids have to learn to make their own way in the world and not be handed their future on a silver platter, if they're not taken in the rapture. Hallelujah! I'm so excited about this whole prospect. Just please don't try to save my neighbours, or my brother, or my mother. I want to see them burn in Hell.
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  #5  
Old 01-15-2014, 07:49 AM
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Mistress Cookie Mistress Cookie is offline
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Mistress Cookie will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mistress Cookie will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mistress Cookie will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mistress Cookie will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mistress Cookie will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mistress Cookie will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mistress Cookie will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mistress Cookie will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mistress Cookie will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mistress Cookie will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mistress Cookie will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Cash in those retirement funds and donate them to LBC NOW!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mother Of Seven View Post
Pastor Zeke, Where can I find your bank account details to hand over my husband's life time savings? I mean, why do we need them?
Mrs. Seven, if you PM me your bank account information, the Church will arrange to have your funds wired into its offshore accounts. Do not worry that any fees whatsoever will be deducted for handling charges etc: Your certificate will be embossed with the full amount of your offering, to show Jesus™when the (End) Time comes. Mr. Marsten at the Freehold Bank has arranged to waive all wiring fees.

If you want your certificate to be gilt-edged, there will be a small fee involved, but we can discuss that at a later date.

What many are choosing to do is to accept the standard certificate up front, and then start a lay-away plan to pay for upgraded certificates (and their yearly recertification) later.

Thank you, and I'm so glad you're 1000% for Jesus™!
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  #6  
Old 01-15-2014, 08:17 AM
Mother Of Seven's Avatar
Mother Of Seven Mother Of Seven is online now
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Mother Of Seven will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mother Of Seven will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mother Of Seven will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mother Of Seven will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mother Of Seven will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mother Of Seven will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mother Of Seven will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mother Of Seven will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mother Of Seven will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mother Of Seven will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mother Of Seven will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Cash in those retirement funds and donate them to LBC NOW!!

No disrespect intended, but does Pastor Zeke trust a woman to whom he is not married with the Church's finances? My husband only made me a signatory to his bank account after 15 years of marriage, when he went into hospital after being bitten by a snake.


Actually, I do like the sound of the lay-away plan. Husband may not notice it as much.
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  #7  
Old 01-15-2014, 08:26 AM
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Mark L. Snyde, PhD Mark L. Snyde, PhD is offline
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Mark L. Snyde, PhD is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mark L. Snyde, PhD is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mark L. Snyde, PhD is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mark L. Snyde, PhD is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mark L. Snyde, PhD is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mark L. Snyde, PhD is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mark L. Snyde, PhD is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mark L. Snyde, PhD is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mark L. Snyde, PhD is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mark L. Snyde, PhD is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mark L. Snyde, PhD is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.
Default Re: Cash in those retirement funds and donate them to LBC NOW!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mother Of Seven View Post
No disrespect intended, but does Pastor Zeke trust a woman to whom he is not married with the Church's finances? My husband only made me a signatory to his bank account after 15 years of marriage, when he went into hospital after being bitten by a snake.


Actually, I do like the sound of the lay-way plan. Husband may not notice it as much.
Sister Cookie is a True Christian™ and as such is completely trustworthy. I would trust any True Christian™ here with my very life.

Also, don't you think Pastor Ezekiel, a child prodigy who had the entire Bible committed to memory by the age of 4, and who walks more closely with Jesus than anyone knows what he is doing?

But, I do have to rebuke you soundly for plotting to go behind your husband's back here. While it is Godly to give to the church, it is not Godly to usurp your husband's authority as the head of the household.

Quote:
Proverbs 14:1 (1611 King James Bible)

Euery wise woman buildeth her house; but the foolish plucketh it downe with her hands.
Quote:
Ephesians 5:22 (1611 King James Bible)

Wiues, submit your selues vnto your own husbands, as vnto the Lord.
__________________


I Kings 7:23

And he made a moulten Sea, ten cubites from the one brim to the other: it was round all about, & his height was fiue cubits: and a line of thirtie cubites did compasse it round about.

New here? Desiring to be pleasing in the eyes of The Lord and His Followers?

Then do as directed by our esteemed Pastors and head on over to the Introductions subforum and make your first post there, friend. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus. Anything else you want to share with us about how Jesus has blessed you is welcomed too.

Are you a hater of God that believes He is a morally bankrupt monster? Read Why, you ask, is God so angry? to see that it is in fact you that is the monster that mercilessly and infinitely torments God.

Stop this relentless torturing of God and accept Jesus today!
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  #8  
Old 01-15-2014, 08:31 AM
Mother Of Seven's Avatar
Mother Of Seven Mother Of Seven is online now
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Join Date: Jan 2014
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Mother Of Seven will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mother Of Seven will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mother Of Seven will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mother Of Seven will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mother Of Seven will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mother Of Seven will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mother Of Seven will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mother Of Seven will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mother Of Seven will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mother Of Seven will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mother Of Seven will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Cash in those retirement funds and donate them to LBC NOW!!

It's not that I don't think Mistress Cookie can't be trusted - quite the opposite - but I'm wondering if her female brain is up to the task.


My husband has told me he trusts me with his money, so I wouldn't be going behind his back. I'd never do that.
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Old 01-15-2014, 08:35 AM
Mark L. Snyde, PhD's Avatar
Mark L. Snyde, PhD Mark L. Snyde, PhD is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2013
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Posts: 1,280
Mark L. Snyde, PhD is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mark L. Snyde, PhD is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mark L. Snyde, PhD is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mark L. Snyde, PhD is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mark L. Snyde, PhD is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mark L. Snyde, PhD is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mark L. Snyde, PhD is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mark L. Snyde, PhD is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mark L. Snyde, PhD is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mark L. Snyde, PhD is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mark L. Snyde, PhD is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.
Default Re: Cash in those retirement funds and donate them to LBC NOW!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mother Of Seven View Post
It's not that I don't think Mistress Cookie can't be trusted - quite the opposite - but I'm wondering if her female brain is up to the task.


My husband has told me he trusts me with his money, so I wouldn't be going behind his back. I'd never do that.
If Pastor Ezekiel says she is up to the task, then I trust that she is.

If you are not going behind the back of your husband, then why to do worry whether he will notice?
__________________


I Kings 7:23

And he made a moulten Sea, ten cubites from the one brim to the other: it was round all about, & his height was fiue cubits: and a line of thirtie cubites did compasse it round about.

New here? Desiring to be pleasing in the eyes of The Lord and His Followers?

Then do as directed by our esteemed Pastors and head on over to the Introductions subforum and make your first post there, friend. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus. Anything else you want to share with us about how Jesus has blessed you is welcomed too.

Are you a hater of God that believes He is a morally bankrupt monster? Read Why, you ask, is God so angry? to see that it is in fact you that is the monster that mercilessly and infinitely torments God.

Stop this relentless torturing of God and accept Jesus today!
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 01-15-2014, 08:56 AM
Mother Of Seven's Avatar
Mother Of Seven Mother Of Seven is online now
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Quiverful True Christian™ Heaven Bound Friend of Jesus Hatchet Child Rearing Award Touched by Jesus Cleanest Kitchen Best stoning bucket True Christian Beauty One Year/1000 posts In Love With Zeke True Heterosexual™ TC Bravery 

Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: In the kitchen
Posts: 2,244
Mother Of Seven will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mother Of Seven will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mother Of Seven will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mother Of Seven will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mother Of Seven will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mother Of Seven will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mother Of Seven will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mother Of Seven will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mother Of Seven will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mother Of Seven will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mother Of Seven will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Cash in those retirement funds and donate them to LBC NOW!!

Sorry, I missed the fact that he mentioned her in his post.


I will mention it to my husband, but next to God, his favourite thing is his money. Then come his sons. Then me. Then his daughters.
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The information presented here is Biblically accurate. Opinions concerning the technical difficulties, fitness requirements, safety, and ratings of self-crucifixion, flagellation, stoning, destroying enemies of GOD utterly, without mercy, and other activities inherent in Christianity are subjective and may differ from yours or others' opinions; therefore be warned that you must exercise your own judgment as to the difficulty and your ability to safely protect yourself from the inherent risks and dangers. Do not use the information provided on this site unless you are a True Christian ™ who understands and accepts the risks of participating in these activities. Landover Baptist Church makes reasonable efforts to include accurate and up to date information on this website, errors or omissions sometimes occur, therefore the information contained on here is provided "as is" and without warranties of any kind either expressed or implied. Viewing, reading, or any other use of the information contained within this web site is purely the voluntary will of the viewer or user. You, 'the viewer' or 'user' shall not hold the publisher, owner, authors or other contributors of The Jesus Experience responsible for any incidents related directly or indirectly to the Experience. Landover Baptist Church, et. al., assumes no liability or responsibility for your actions.


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