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flag Guess Which Boy is Going to Heaven - 11-19-2015, 03:15 PM

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Bible Re: Guess Which Boy is Going to Heaven - 11-19-2015, 04:10 PM

What a wonderful and rousing poster, Sister. Is the boy wearing the starred-and-striped scarf behind our own Brother Niles possibly his nephew? I think that boy also has an outside chance of Salvation, eventually, maybe, perhaps, if he follows the example of his uncle.

Ecclesiastes 11:9
Rejoice, O young man, in thy youth; and let thy heart cheer thee in the days of thy youth, and walk in the ways of thine heart, and in the sight of thine eyes: but know thou, that for all these things God will bring thee into judgment.


I am sure more and more boys will now abandon the conventional scouting that swarms with sodomites and join the troops of Landover!


Yours in Christ,

Elmer


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Default Re: Guess Which Boy is Going to Heaven - 11-19-2015, 04:10 PM

Obviously it's the straight, white, Christian, American boy.


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Default Re: Guess Which Boy is Going to Heaven - 11-20-2015, 09:38 AM

One thing is certain: the unfortunate one in the front, with the prominent teeth and blood around his mouth (or is it smeared lipstick?) will not find his way on the narrow road to Glory, but seems certainly headed for the wide road that leads to hell's eternal flames. He is either a vampire or has bitten the heads off of bats recently - perhaps on one of the scouting trips he has recently taken. I would also wager that he opened his nether regions to the prodding of homosexual scout leaders that made their way into the scouts before Christian folk insisted upon their removal. (Unfortunately, the scouts have recently allowed the rank of Eagle scout to a homosexual after a long fight).

I feel confident that our youth pastors could easily discern the answer to this question and I look forward to reading their enlightened comments.


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Default Re: Guess Which Boy is Going to Heaven - 11-20-2015, 10:10 AM

I think a few sores around the mouth of a young scout could mean many things. One, that he may be a very obedient scout. God loves obedience.


Ecclesiastes 1:18 - For in much wisedome is much griefe: and hee that increaseth knowledge, increaseth sorrow.


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Default Re: Guess Which Boy is Going to Heaven - 11-21-2015, 01:37 AM

Blue eyes are a sign of Nordic roots, God's people.

There is but one boy with blue eyes. He is heaven bound.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Jesus' eternal love Re: Guess Which Boy is Going to Heaven - 11-21-2015, 02:32 AM

MY oh MY! Oh, my WORD! HALLELUJAH! Brother Niles (or should I say Scout Master Niles) told me his troop posed for a portrait, but I had no IDEA it would be this glorious!

Poor Niles. He went with a True Christian™ artist who can only paint the Truth™, and the artist included his unfortunate mouth rash. Niles told me the boys were recreating the Garden of Eden scene, but the boy playing the part of Adam (the BLONDE of course) accidentally used poison ivy instead of a fig leaf. I guess that stuff IS contagious!

If you guessed the blonde is the boy who will be getting into heaven, you sure guessed right. Niles has guided that boy into the very entry of Heaven himself time and time again! As for the other gaggle of weirdos, I'm told those were part of the scout exchange program. Clearly the organization has fallen victim to the homo-liberal agenda, allowing terrorists, feather-bandits, monkey-shines and goombahs into the club.

Lord have Mercy!


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Default Re: Guess Which Boy is Going to Heaven - 11-21-2015, 04:13 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BrotherLarry View Post
One thing is certain: the unfortunate one in the front, with the prominent teeth and blood around his mouth (or is it smeared lipstick?) will not find his way on the narrow road to Glory, but seems certainly headed for the wide road that leads to hell's eternal flames. <<<meaningless rant removed>>>
Brother Larry!

I am shocked by what you're saying about One and Only Doctor Laurence Niles!

As Youth Minister Harry explained, that rash around Niles' mouth is just a little bit of poison ivy.
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Default Re: Guess Which Boy is Going to Heaven - 11-21-2015, 04:19 AM

I'll tell you who's NOT going to Heaven this snot-nosed little chink.



Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: Guess Which Boy is Going to Heaven - 11-21-2015, 04:26 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
I'll tell you who's NOT going to Heaven this snot-nosed little chink.
That is how homo-indoctrination looks. It is apparent even in chinese! Just sad.


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Default Re: Guess Which Boy is Going to Heaven - 11-29-2015, 10:33 AM

I knew you would nail this one, Harry. No contest.
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Default Re: Guess Which Boy is Going to Heaven - 07-13-2017, 01:11 AM

Well I'm not going to Heaven because of my sexuality, guess what I'll discuss my 'Sin' but guess what it's not, it's a natural thing even in the animal kingdom sexuality will vary. I know you people are science deniers but I can show you the facts and you can ignore them if you happen to be ignorant, by the way I've looked at your forums and guess what y'all are bonified racists
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Default Re: Guess Which Boy is Going to Heaven - 07-13-2017, 01:46 AM

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Originally Posted by ThatKid View Post
Well I'm not going to Heaven because of my sexuality, guess what I'll discuss my 'Sin' but guess what it's not, it's a natural thing even in the animal kingdom sexuality will vary. I know you people are science deniers but I can show you the facts and you can ignore them if you happen to be ignorant, by the way I've looked at your forums and guess what y'all are bonified racists
So... you have sexual intercoursing with animals?


And "bonified" is a term I have not heard since I hated God and chose to be a homo-rectalistic predator. This means I wanted to be gay and raped other men.


Are you here for help to save your filthy and perverted soul? Or are you just looking to mock those of us that have been saved from the fagging and gayness some of us once knew when we were queer?


I can work with you either way to bring peace inside you, but you need to make sense?


In Christ


Matthew 19:14 "But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven."

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Default Re: Guess Which Boy is Going to Heaven - 07-13-2017, 02:01 AM

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Originally Posted by Brother Harold Porter View Post
So... you have sexual intercoursing with animals?
Hell no Im pan wtf I was just talking about the natural order of things, but I do not plan to be saved, I actually love fire so I'm fine chilling with my bro Satan
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Default Re: Guess Which Boy is Going to Heaven - 07-13-2017, 02:29 AM

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Originally Posted by ThatKid View Post
Hell no Im pan wtf I was just talking about the natural order of things, but I do not plan to be saved, I actually love fire so I'm fine chilling with my bro Satan
I don't understand? You intercourse with pans? It doesn't sound like much fun. I was also once a sick and twisted pervert that had sex with any man that would put his ankles next to his ears, willing or not. But it was a choice, of course. The same choice you made to lust after cookware in the cupboards.

Son, you WILL be in hell and you won't have any skillets to lust after. Satan will be bending you over and making you scream in agony as his man-steel violently savages you, far past your sigmoid colon. The filthy ejaculate will flood your insides. It will be hard to even breathe with such fullness.

But it will never stop. There will be no relief, no sleep and no peace as he has his way with you for all of eternity. This is the choice you are making.

Will you admit that you are hopeless scum and let Jesus take the wheel?

John 3:16 "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life."

You are in my prayers!


In Him








Matthew 19:14 "But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven."

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Default Re: Guess Which Boy is Going to Heaven - 07-13-2017, 02:36 AM

Sounds fun and I don't lust after Tupperware I have sexual interests in people regardless of gender
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Bible Re: Guess Which Boy is Going to Heaven - 07-13-2017, 02:49 AM

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Originally Posted by ThatKid View Post
Well I'm not going to Heaven because of my sexuality, guess what I'll discuss my 'Sin' but guess what it's not, it's a natural thing even in the animal kingdom sexuality will vary. I know you people are science deniers but I can show you the facts and you can ignore them if you happen to be ignorant, by the way I've looked at your forums and guess what y'all are bonified racists
Dear Sinner,

For your convenience, I marked in bold typeface the issues in your inadequately punctuated post. We're very well aware that all Creation is under the influence of the Fall from Grace (Genesis 3:6). In addition to mankind, also other lifeforms struggle with unnatural forms of fornication. The Bible tells us as much, and based on Creation Science (no denial of science, we're the most unbiased congregation on Earth), the following verse proves this beyond all reasonable doubt.

Romans 8:22
For we know that the whole creation groaneth and travaileth in pain together until now.

This has caused the tragic phenomena of animal homosexuality, parthenogenetic aphids, Thalassoma lucanasum changing sex at school, self-pollinating plants, conjugating micro-orgasms, etc. Thus, based on the Bible, to see something happening in nature is no defense. In fact, it is also a logical fallacy called ad naturam. The moral quality of an event is not determined by its occurrence in the animal kingdom but by God.

This will soon change. Only a few animal species will ever make it into the next Earth (Revelation 21:1).

Isaiah 11:6
The wolf also shall dwell with the lamb, and the leopard shall lie down with the kid; and the calf and the young lion and the fatling together; and a little child shall lead them.

Most won't (see also Revelation 16:3).

Revelation 22:15
For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.

As you can see, Jesus will punish human sinners with Eternal Torture (Revelation 20:15; you may try to joke about hanging out with Satan but there won't be anything to hang on in the Lake of Fire) and animals by excluding most of them from the New Earth (Revelation 21:1). There won't be any nature on the New Earth but a geometrically perfect New Jerusalem, a cube of 1380 miles in its dimensions (Revelation 21:16)!



Now, Repent and accept Jesus and you might one day dwell in that glorious city!






Yours in Christ,

Elmer


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Default Re: Guess Which Boy is Going to Heaven - 07-13-2017, 08:29 PM

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Originally Posted by Brother Harold Porter View Post
I don't understand? You intercourse with pans? It doesn't sound like much fun.
Brother, I've heard of a new trend in which the gays now stand in a line. The one in front self-abuses himself while the gay behind him hits him over the head with a pan. Apparently the auto-erotic asphyxiation practice wasn't offensive enough to the Christ Child, so another man was incorporated into the mix to watch and mock the self-abuse, then clonk the abuser over the head, thus depriving him of oxygen in hopes of making that moment of ecstasy that much more intense. This is called "auto-erotic knock-out," or "jerkin'-ko" for short. I understand it came out of Spain, but in places like Los Angeles they stand in a circle. This is what is called a "circle-jerk."


Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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