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Landover to the Rescue - Christian Help Forum A Christian Help Forum led by Sister Daisy Mae Johnson. Warning! Sometimes the Lord's advice is a hard pill to swallow.

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  #61  
Old 08-03-2011, 07:23 PM
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Default Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Paul the gypsy scum View Post
Dear Pastor Ezekiel

Are you sure, the Eunuch life is my way ?
Do you think I am able to live without wife and children ?
Marriage is really forbidden to me ?
It's your choice Paul
Marriage and an afterlife of ass rape in Hell by an demonic version of Ernest Borgnine.
or
Chop your daddy bit off and party with Jesus.
Take some personal responsibility Paul and make you mind up.
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  #62  
Old 08-03-2011, 09:27 PM
Paul the Foreigner Paul the Foreigner is offline
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Default Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe View Post
It's your choice Paul
Marriage and an afterlife of ass rape in Hell by an demonic version of Ernest Borgnine.
or
Chop your daddy bit off and party with Jesus.
Take some personal responsibility Paul and make you mind up.
If I choose the Eunuch life, you and this church accept me as True Christian ?
__________________
Romans 13:1 Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God.
13:2 Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation.
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  #63  
Old 08-03-2011, 10:33 PM
Brother Harold Porter Brother Harold Porter is offline
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Default Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Paul the gypsy scum View Post
If I choose the Eunuch life, you and this church accept me as True Christian ?

Absolutely not. Jesus Christ might have sympathy for you, and maybe offer you redemption, but you are never permitted to even associate with True Christians™.

Deuteronomy 23:1 "He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD."

In Christ
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  #64  
Old 08-03-2011, 10:50 PM
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Dan U. Holier Dan U. Holier is offline
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Default Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL?

Besides incontestable scriptural arguments against masturbation; accordingly to a noted Swiss doctor Samuel-Auguste Tissot masturbation causes "a perceptible reduction of strength, of memory and even of reason; blurred vision, all the nervous disorders, all types of gout and rheumatism, weakening of the organs of generation, blood in the urine, disturbance of the appetite, headaches and a great number of other disorders."

But there is a solution for all obsessive masturbators:

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... your choice entirely (Matthew 12:30)
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  #65  
Old 08-04-2011, 02:31 AM
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Default Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Paul the gypsy scum View Post
Pls, sorry for repeating myself, but I'm not sure that Pastor Ezekiel read my post above.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
No True Christian™ father would sell their daughter to you, gypsy! Better take a different path.

Dear Pastor Ezekiel

Are you sure, the Eunuch life is my way ?
Do you think I am able to live without wife and children ?
Marriage is really forbidden to me ?
I asked Jesus about your case and He was 100% clear: Go get a razor and start slicing, pal.
__________________
Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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  #66  
Old 08-04-2011, 10:36 AM
Paul the Foreigner Paul the Foreigner is offline
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Default Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
I asked Jesus about your case and He was 100% clear: Go get a razor and start slicing, pal.
I don't understand.
I want to become True Christian. Gice me chance! I can change.

Brother Harold Porter quoted this verse:
Deuteronomy 23:1 "He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD."

But I want to enter to the Congregation.

I think, I should remain unmarried, but I don't think the God wants the physically castration.
__________________
Romans 13:1 Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God.
13:2 Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation.
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  #67  
Old 08-04-2011, 10:53 AM
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Cranky Old Man Cranky Old Man is offline
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Default Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Paul the gypsy scum View Post
I don't understand. I want to become True Christian. Gice me chance! I can change.
You don't get it. It's not us you need to beg to, it's Jesus. Get down and start praying until your knees start bleeding. Then keep praying.
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To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
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  #68  
Old 08-05-2011, 12:05 AM
Paul the Foreigner Paul the Foreigner is offline
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Default Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man View Post
You don't get it. It's not us you need to beg to, it's Jesus. Get down and start praying until your knees start bleeding. Then keep praying.
I don't know how to do it... I mean, what should I say to Jesus ?
Can you write me a sample prayer or something ?
What should I to confess ?
__________________
Romans 13:1 Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God.
13:2 Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation.
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  #69  
Old 08-05-2011, 08:46 AM
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Cranky Old Man Cranky Old Man is offline
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Default Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Paul the gypsy scum View Post
I mean, what should I say to Jesus ?
A suggestion:

"Lord Jesus, I know that I have sinned against you. I know that I am not perfect and that I cannot please you through my own efforts. I know that I deserve to be judged according to my sins. And, I know that I have nothing to offer you.

Lord Jesus, I ask you to forgive me of my sins. Please cleanse me and make me right before you. I trust in what you have done on the cross. I do not rely on myself but only on you and I receive you as Lord of my life and as savior of my soul. Lord Jesus, save me. I look to you alone."

You clearly need to do some serious Bible study.
__________________
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Follow me on Twitter or burn in Hell for all eternity!

To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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  #70  
Old 08-05-2011, 10:27 AM
Paul the Foreigner Paul the Foreigner is offline
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Default Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man View Post
A suggestion:

"Lord Jesus, I know that I have sinned against you. I know that I am not perfect and that I cannot please you through my own efforts. I know that I deserve to be judged according to my sins. And, I know that I have nothing to offer you.

Lord Jesus, I ask you to forgive me of my sins. Please cleanse me and make me right before you. I trust in what you have done on the cross. I do not rely on myself but only on you and I receive you as Lord of my life and as savior of my soul. Lord Jesus, save me. I look to you alone."

You clearly need to do some serious Bible study.
Thank you for your help.
I don't know how to proove, but I told this to Jesus with humility.
I will do serious Biblie study as you said, but I read some scripture that I don't understand exactly.
Am I allowed to open new topic in the Bible Study forum ?
__________________
Romans 13:1 Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God.
13:2 Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation.
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  #71  
Old 08-06-2011, 12:15 AM
Pastor Ezekiel's Avatar
Pastor Ezekiel Pastor Ezekiel is online now
Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
 

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Default Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Paul the gypsy scum View Post
Thank you for your help.
I don't know how to proove, but I told this to Jesus with humility.
I will do serious Biblie study as you said, but I read some scripture that I don't understand exactly.
Am I allowed to open new topic in the Bible Study forum ?
Have you sliced your testicles off for Jesus yet? We need to see the evidence. Send me your discarded gonads and I'll add them to my collection.
__________________
Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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  #72  
Old 08-06-2011, 08:18 AM
Paul the Foreigner Paul the Foreigner is offline
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Default Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Have you sliced your testicles off for Jesus yet? We need to see the evidence. Send me your discarded gonads and I'll add them to my collection.
I don't think that this is God's will, because of this scripture:
Deuteronomy 23:1 "He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD."

But I would gladly wear a chastity belt device like that Dan U Holier showed above.
__________________
Romans 13:1 Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God.
13:2 Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation.
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  #73  
Old 08-06-2011, 09:03 PM
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Default Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Paul the gypsy scum View Post
I don't think that this is God's will, because of this scripture:
Deuteronomy 23:1 "He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD."

But I would gladly wear a chastity belt device like that Dan U Holier showed above.
I'm not talking about a wound. I'm talking about intentional, purposeful castration, as the Holy Bible recommends!

Quote:
Matthew 19:12 For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.
If you need help, Landover Baptist sells do-it-yourself kits. But they cost money.
__________________
Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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  #74  
Old 08-06-2011, 10:12 PM
Paul the Foreigner Paul the Foreigner is offline
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Default Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
I'm not talking about a wound. I'm talking about intentional, purposeful castration, as the Holy Bible recommends!



If you need help, Landover Baptist sells do-it-yourself kits. But they cost money.
This is very painful decision, but it would be great to living with Jesus ALONE.

What is this "do-it-yourself" kit ? How is it cost ?
Can you show me a picture of it ?
__________________
Romans 13:1 Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God.
13:2 Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation.
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  #75  
Old 08-06-2011, 11:27 PM
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Dan U. Holier Dan U. Holier is offline
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Default Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Paul the gypsy scum View Post
This is very painful decision, but it would be great to living with Jesus ALONE.

1) What is this "do-it-yourself" kit ?
2) How is it cost ?
3) Can you show me a picture of it ?
1) Porkert Meat Grinder Deluxe
2) ONLY $34.99 – for the top notch product; a great deal, don’t you think?
3) Yes:

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... your choice entirely (Matthew 12:30)
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  #76  
Old 08-06-2011, 11:45 PM
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Default Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Paul the gypsy scum View Post
This is very painful decision, but it would be great to living with Jesus ALONE.

What is this "do-it-yourself" kit ? How is it cost ?
Can you show me a picture of it ?
The instructions are HERE.

Get busy, gypsy.
__________________
Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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  #77  
Old 08-07-2011, 05:39 AM
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Default Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Paul the gypsy scum View Post
Is this really true miss Johnson ?
If someone does 30 seconds of pleasure, he will go to hell ?
Only 30 seconds? Wow, you must be visualizing Michele Bachman. I think God will forgive you over and over for understandingly succumbing to the monkey-spank temptation over the most beautiful creature He ever created. Which red-blooded American male could not secretly wish that Larry Flynt would make her an offer she couldn't refuse? We're only human....
__________________
Leviticus 13:44 He is a leprous man, he is UNCLEAN: the priest shall pronounce him utterly UNCLEAN; his plague is in his head.

2 Kings 6:25 And there was a great famine in Samaria: and, behold, they besieged it, until an ass's head was sold for fourscore pieces of silver, and the fourth part of a cab of dove's dung for five pieces of silver.



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Good Enough For JESUS....Good Enough For Me !!

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  #78  
Old 08-07-2011, 06:38 PM
Paul the Foreigner Paul the Foreigner is offline
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Default Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
The instructions are HERE.

Get busy, gypsy.
Please noble pastor, don't call me gypsy. I am not gypsy.
And I cannot castrate myself.
Perhaps you should travel here to my country, and do it for me.
You pay the travel, of course.
__________________
Romans 13:1 Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God.
13:2 Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation.
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  #79  
Old 08-07-2011, 09:39 PM
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Cranky Old Man Cranky Old Man is offline
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Default Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Paul the gypsy scum View Post
And I cannot castrate myself.
Why not?
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To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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  #80  
Old 08-08-2011, 11:49 AM
Paul the Foreigner Paul the Foreigner is offline
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Default Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL?

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Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man View Post
Why not?
I rather want to wear a chastity belt device, not castration.
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Romans 13:1 Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God.
13:2 Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation.
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