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The Poetaster's Korner Tasteful poetry for JESUS but don't let the flowers fool you. NO HOMERS ALLOWED!

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Old 12-29-2010, 01:07 PM
Lycia The Repentant's Avatar
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Red face An Ode to Pies

There are lots of things Jesus needs women to do
Like cooking, cleaning and making soldiers for God
And in between the time I spend learning to eschew
Sinful behavior, and time spent getting the rod
My favorite thing to do is to take some time
To warm up the oven and bake a nice, juicy pie
And to it serve to my Christian brothers
It could be cherry, blueberry, apple or key lime
So long as its moist and makes a man sigh
With delight that he could not get from any others

The crust should be flaky and crisp, not soggy and damp
The filling warm and fresh, not lukewarm or old
The mark of a True Christian™ lady and not of a tramp
Is taking the time to make sure your pie is a sight to behold
I can't think of anyone Jesus would rather me be
Than a woman who puts so much care in her sweets
That when a man starts eating
It makes me shout with glee
"Praise Jesus! Thank God you've taken me off of the streets!"
And THAT is why I enjoy nothing more than treating

A man with my pie
I think you can see why
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"Whether of them twain did the will of his father? They say unto him, The first. Jesus saith unto them, Verily I say unto you, That the publicans and the harlots go into the kingdom of God before you. For John came unto you in the way of righteousness, and ye believed him not: but the publicans and the harlots believed him: and ye, when ye had seen it, repented not afterward, that ye might believe him." Matthew 21:31-32

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An Open Question to All false christians.

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  #2  
Old 12-29-2010, 01:14 PM
Gabriel Reproba's Avatar
Gabriel Reproba Gabriel Reproba is offline
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Default Re: An Ode to Pies

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lycia The Repentant View Post
There are lots of things Jesus needs women to do
Like cooking, cleaning and making soldiers for God
And in between the time I spend learning to eschew
Sinful behavior, and time spent getting the rod
My favorite thing to do is to take some time
To warm up the oven and bake a nice, juicy pie
And to it serve to my Christian brothers
It could be cherry, blueberry, apple or key lime
So long as its moist and makes a man sigh
With delight that he could not get from any others

The crust should be flaky and crisp, not soggy and damp
The filling warm and fresh, not lukewarm or old
The mark of a True Christian™ lady and not of a tramp
Is taking the time to make sure your pie is a sight to behold
I can't think of anyone Jesus would rather me be
Than a woman who puts so much care in her sweets
That when a man starts eating
It makes me shout with glee
"Praise Jesus! Thank God you've taken me off of the streets!"
And THAT is why I enjoy nothing more than treating

A man with my pie
I think you can see why
Shout Glory!! One of God's greatest gifts to man is pie. I like my pie first thing in the morning. Leaves me feeling fulfilled all day long!
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Yours In Christ,

Gabriel Reproba, Esq. (Lawyer for the Lord)

Further reading to help you become a True Christian™

Stoning Sinners: A How-To Guide
Scientific Study: Bible is NOT "All About Love"
The One Sin Jesus Says He Won't EVER Forgive!
Should we only follow SOME of the Bible?
How will YOU sacrifice your kids?
20 Questions To See If Your Son Is A Fag
God: Dress Like A Whore...Get Raped!
Bible: If You Love Your Wife, Beat Her!
Logic and Bible Agree: Gay is a choice!
Nursery Rhymes Teach kids that Christ is Lord!
There is no such thing as an "agnostic!"
Science: People are Only Islamic Because They are Depressed!

Reading only the parts of the Bible your pastor tells you to (those that make you feel warm and fuzzy) is nothing but mental and spiritual masturbation. Read the WHOLE Bible to find out what Christianity is REALLY all about! Only then can you talk to us about why we try so hard to save people from Hell.
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  #3  
Old 01-16-2011, 04:22 PM
SarahWeiben SarahWeiben is offline
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Default Re: An Ode to Pies

Baking pies is one of my favorite activities, aside from cleaning, normal cooking, and reading my KJV1611! That ode is such a good reminder on how all pies should be. Thank you Sister Lycia you did a great job writing it!
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Old 01-16-2011, 08:57 PM
Brother Barnabus Brother Barnabus is offline
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Default Re: An Ode to Pies

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lycia The Repentant View Post
There are lots of things Jesus needs women to do
Like cooking, cleaning and making soldiers for God
And in between the time I spend learning to eschew
Sinful behavior, and time spent getting the rod
My favorite thing to do is to take some time
To warm up the oven and bake a nice, juicy pie
And to it serve to my Christian brothers
It could be cherry, blueberry, apple or key lime
So long as its moist and makes a man sigh
With delight that he could not get from any others

The crust should be flaky and crisp, not soggy and damp
The filling warm and fresh, not lukewarm or old
The mark of a True Christian™ lady and not of a tramp
Is taking the time to make sure your pie is a sight to behold
I can't think of anyone Jesus would rather me be
Than a woman who puts so much care in her sweets
That when a man starts eating
It makes me shout with glee
"Praise Jesus! Thank God you've taken me off of the streets!"
And THAT is why I enjoy nothing more than treating

A man with my pie
I think you can see why
Nothing warms this old heart more than seeing a woman filled with pride of her pie. You might be interested in reading my pie eating etiquette post at the Tasty Pie Club forum.
__________________
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If God is Love ... Who created Hell??!!
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  #5  
Old 01-17-2012, 05:35 PM
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ditzygurl83 ditzygurl83 is offline
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Default Re: An Ode to Pies

Brother Barnabus, I have read your post in the Tasty Pie Club and I must say so many here seem to have excellent pie eating ettiquete. I have served my pie to many in my church and while most are excellent at enjoying my juicy pies, some have inevitiably dove right into the pie and just made a mess all over the place. But when someone knows how to eat a pie properly, and they leave with pie juice covering them, well it warms my Godly womanly heart to know that a man has took so much pleasure in my pie!
As soon as I can I endevour to join the Tasty Pie Group.
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