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Satan's Entertainment Discussion for Movies/TV/Music/Video Games/Pop Culture. How HELLY-wood is destroying our society and parents can learn to protect their children from sinful influences like Disney, Pacman, and Tic-Tac-Toe.

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  #1  
Old 01-28-2013, 06:15 AM
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Thumbs up Review: 'Hansel and Gretel great cinema with a positive message of witch killing.

Why has Hollywood waited so long to release this gem to the public? Some say it was to cash in on Jeremy Renner's rising fame. Personally, I think it was to tweak the establishment's nose at this glaring snub for best picture Oscar.




The world Hansel and Gretel occupy is that of a medieval time, but at the same time they incorporate modern weapons, like pump action shotguns and machine guns. A sort of renaissance fair steam punk.

The animators of this movie were clearly guided by God's own hand when they made this green screen masterpiece. My only complaint with the special effects is that the actors' clothing was clearly not computer generated.

The action sequences involving high wire kung fu are fast paced, yet fresh and original. They do involve some mild violence, but after watching the Passion of the Christ 145 times, it seems a bit tame.

Hansel and Gretal's quest? Killing witches. The pair are celebrity witch hunters, much like our own beloved Pastor. They travel the world hunting witches and they are thanked for it! Unlike a certain movie reviewer who gets sued over baiting bear traps with Oreos outside of known Wiccan meeting places.

Interspersed with the great action sequences is the heart of this movie, its message

Exodus 22:18 Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live.

Hansel is also the world's first diabetic. His punishment from God for being a glutton and eating too much candy as a child. He has since repented and lives thanks to God's grace and insulin injections.

The witches are easy to spot in the movie as they are in real life. They are powder white skinned and wear a lot of black like goths, punks, emos and other assorted strange outcasts of society.



Writer/director Tommy Wirkola delivers poignant and frightening dialog by slowing down Famke Janssen's voice so you know how evil she is with such lines as, "I'm not... going to... kill you..., yet. That...would...be...too...easy."

Brothers and sisters, this is the greatest True Christian™ cinema experience since Battleship.

So take the family and go see this movie today!
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Christians are superior because we possess an understanding that unbelievers lack. It is through the Power of Jesus only the converted mind is able to understand what is going on in the world; what the Communists are really up to; what Satan's intentions are. Most unbelievers do not even believe in Satan and cannot understand his tactics.

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Old 01-28-2013, 01:55 PM
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Default Re: Review: 'Hansel and Gretel great cinema with a positive message of witch killing.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Levi Jones View Post
The animators of this movie were clearly guided by God's own hand when they made this green screen masterpiece. My only complaint with the special effects is that the actors' clothing was clearly not computer generated.
With your recommendation I will certainly watch this movie. The names sound German and Germans have demonstrated on many occasions that they are capable of effectively and efficiently killing unbelievers. Something even America could learn to do better.
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Old 01-28-2013, 05:32 PM
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Default Re: Review: 'Hansel and Gretel great cinema with a positive message of witch killing.

GLORY! Hansel and Gretal is terrific family entertainment. The scene were the teenage goth she-witch is tearfully begging for her life and Hanse just smashes her skull in with a hammer is just perfect and will bring a shout of "PRAISE!" from any good Christian watching it. Hansle and Gretal is two and half hours of two Godly prayer warriors hunting down and stalking witches and other freaks and delivering God's judgment to them.
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Old 01-28-2013, 08:28 PM
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Default Re: Review: 'Hansel and Gretel great cinema with a positive message of witch killing.

I was done with Hansel und Gretel around age five. I'm sure it's a super movie for children but I will not be attending this one.
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Old 03-03-2013, 12:50 PM
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Default Re: Review: 'Hansel and Gretel great cinema with a positive message of witch killing.

I just took my kids to watch this movie, they loved it, a great piece of Christian cinema for the whole family. My kids are so much looking forward to the upcoming Freehold witch hunt now!
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Old 03-03-2013, 01:41 PM
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Default Re: Review: 'Hansel and Gretel great cinema with a positive message of witch killing.

My wife reads this very old story to my children sometimes.
We changed the end so that the children die in the fire and get eaten because they were not Christian.
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