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Default How to make an atheist cry - 01-29-2016, 11:36 PM

The following story has been known to make atheists cry!

An atheist in godless England went to London Zoo with his 5 year old son. In his hand he held a Bible. When they reached the chimp exhibit, the atheist said to his son "Look at the chimpanzees. See how similar they are to us? That's because we have a common ancestor, son. Evolution is true and God is not."

The atheist tore a page out of the Bible and threw it into the chimp exhibit. A chimp quickly swung over to the Bible page and ate it. "See how the chimp ate that Bible page? If God really existed, he wouldn't have allowed the chimp to eat it."

The atheist and his son continued to visit every animal exhibit, and the atheist father did the same thing at each and every one, one page for each animal. Finally, only one page of the Bible remained and only one animal remained to be visited.

They came up to the aquarium where a big octopus was laying on a rock. The atheist ripped out the last Bible page and dropped it into the aquarium. Suddenly, the octopus grabbed the Bible page and began to come up, out of the water!

The atheist and his son were so surprised their mouths fell agape! The octopus looked the father in the eye, and with an inhuman voice began to read from the page! " Psalm 14:1! The fool hath said in his heart," There is no God!" The atheist stood there, speechless! The octopus began to speak again "Do you think that because we animals ate pages of the Bible, it means that God is not real? Look how much of a fool you are! Do you not know that the Word of God is nourishment to all who partake of it! You fool!".

The atheist dropped to his knees and began to cry. The octopus spoke again "Accept Christ, and your sins will be absolved, sinner". With a tear-stained face, the atheist said in a shaking voice: "I do! I accept Christ and God and the Holy Spirit! I was such a fool for not believing!".

The former-atheist did the sign of the cross and stood up. His knees were still shaking but a bright glow surrounded him as he converted to Christianity.


"Abnormal, a horrible cancerous tumor in the body of society, homosexuals are perverts, whose sexual drive the Devil has used as his strongest weapon against God. A person cannot be a Christian and a homosexual at the same time, homosexuality is chosen, not inborn, and everybody can be set free and delivered."

- Pastor Ake Green
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Default Re: How to make an atheist cry - 01-30-2016, 12:21 AM

WOW! That is a Really Moving testimony, Brother!

Thank you for sharing it!


Praise Jesus!


Hallelujah!


\o/


Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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Default Re: How to make an atheist cry - 01-30-2016, 12:39 AM

That's a powerful story. It needs to be put on the websites of American Atheists, American Humanists and Freedom From Religion.

If every atheist read it, we would see the end of their folly.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: How to make an atheist cry - 01-30-2016, 02:45 AM

Atheist speaking here, can confirm that I cri evrytim.
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Default Re: How to make an atheist cry - 01-30-2016, 04:23 AM

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Originally Posted by animosityX032 View Post
Atheist speaking here, can confirm that I cri evrytim.
Oh great, another Reddidiot.



Hey, how about some ORIGINAL content, huh? Or have you been a Reddidiot for so long that you don't recognize originality?



Yours in Christ,

Z. Smyth


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Default Re: How to make an atheist cry - 01-30-2016, 04:40 AM

The staleness of the joke is the joke itself, my friend. Can I have my ban now?
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Default Re: How to make an atheist cry - 01-30-2016, 04:52 AM

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Originally Posted by animosityX032 View Post
The staleness of the joke is the joke itself, my friend. Can I have my ban now?
Why, so you can run back there and say "ermagerd I totally owned those guise and they banned me because awesomesauce me!!!"


Just leave if you want to leave, dummy.





YiC,


Zech


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Default Re: How to make an atheist cry - 01-30-2016, 05:56 PM

We are going to make a movie out of that story. Short call by me and Kevin Sorbo is in the boat as our main actor. He already portrayed an atheist in "god's not dead" which was worthy an oscar.
Portraying the boy I could think of Macaulay Culkin. Sure he has grown a lot in the last 20 years but he is incredible cheap to have and with the righ CGI we can shrink him down to his old self in "home alone".

The attention in the press will be immense and our friend Mr.Trump might be spending a few dollars for the production costs if we place some advertising for his campaign in the movie.
Even if the movie only makes a few million dollars it's enough for Pastor Ezekiels private plane and certain other investments that might be lucrative for God's favorite Church.


Life's a waterslide where you die at the end...


Accept Jesus Christ as Your Lord and Savior!
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Default Re: How to make an atheist cry - 02-01-2016, 02:50 AM

Landover Productions has just announced a draft of potentional actors:

The Atheist - Kevin Sorbo
The son - McClucky Culkin (shrinked down with CGI)
The chimp - Spike Lee
The gorilla - Eddie Murphy
The baboon - Jada Pinkett Smith
The orangutan - Jackie Chan
Zookeeper - Ray Comfort
Random zoo visitor - Roper Crossburn (uncredited)
Random zoo visitor - Betty Bowers (uncredited)
Gay visitor and his boyfriend - Brother Harold Porter and Kirk Cameron
Zoo worker - Pastor Steven Anderson
Zoo worker - John Creeser
Security guard - Billy Bob Jenkins
The octopus - Wild Bill For America (voice, uncredited)


"Abnormal, a horrible cancerous tumor in the body of society, homosexuals are perverts, whose sexual drive the Devil has used as his strongest weapon against God. A person cannot be a Christian and a homosexual at the same time, homosexuality is chosen, not inborn, and everybody can be set free and delivered."

- Pastor Ake Green
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Default Re: How to make an atheist cry - 02-05-2016, 11:39 PM

A very inspiring story! I am going to tell this story to my rebellious atheist niece the next time I see him. If it doesn't change his ways then I suppose I'll have to beat the love of christ into him (Proverbs 23:13-14)
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Default Re: How to make an atheist cry - 02-05-2016, 11:56 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Vessel of Christ View Post
[...] If it doesn't change his ways then I suppose I'll have to beat the love of christ into him (Proverbs 23:13-14)
Why wouldn´t you just fill him with the HUGE Love of Christ™? That seems so much more fulfilling, in a Christian kind of way.


Jeremiah 6:21 Therefore thus saith the LORD, Behold, I will lay stumblingblocks before this people, and the fathers and the sons together shall fall upon them; the neighbour and his friend shall perish.
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Default Re: How to make an atheist cry - 02-06-2016, 12:51 AM

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Originally Posted by Vessel of Christ View Post
A very inspiring story! I am going to tell this story to my rebellious atheist niece the next time I see him.
What a depraved and perverted family you must have! I will pray for you.


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in 2016

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Default Re: How to make an atheist cry - 02-06-2016, 01:11 AM

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Originally Posted by VictoryOS View Post
What a depraved and perverted family you must have! I will pray for you.
It is true. My brother and his children are all atheists. I pray for them everyday, and try to convert them whenever I see them, but it might be too late for them. For some reason they are all determined to burn in hell. Thank you for your prayers VictoryOs. YiC
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Default Re: How to make an atheist cry - 02-06-2016, 01:17 AM

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Originally Posted by Roland View Post
Why wouldn´t you just fill him with the HUGE Love of Christ™? That seems so much more fulfilling, in a Christian kind of way.
Because I am not a homersexual you swedish meatball! I am straight as an arrow, and proud of it, and would never engage in relations with a man! Especially not my niece you sick swede!


I have some scripture for you to read!


Revelation 21:8 "But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death."


1 Thessalonians 4:3 "For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication:"


Leviticus 18:22 "Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination."


1 Corinthians 6:9 "Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind"


1 Timothy 1:10 "For whoremongers, for them that defile themselves with mankind, for menstealers, for liars, for perjured persons, and if there be any other thing that is contrary to sound doctrine;"


Romans 1:27 "And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet."
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Bible Re: How to make an atheist cry - 02-07-2016, 01:03 AM

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Originally Posted by Vessel of Christ View Post
I am going to tell this story to my rebellious atheist niece the next time I see him. (Proverbs 23:13-14)
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Originally Posted by VictoryOS View Post
What a depraved and perverted family you must have! I will pray for you.
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Originally Posted by Vessel of Christ View Post
It is true. My brother and his children are all atheists. I pray for them everyday, and try to convert them whenever I see them, but it might be too late for them. For some reason they are all determined to burn in hell.
I'd say that the reason is that you have a niece who decided to be a man. (Or a nephew who decided to be a woman, your wording is a bit ambiguous). God must really hate your family, dear!
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Default Re: How to make an atheist cry - 02-07-2016, 01:41 AM

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Originally Posted by Basilissa View Post
I'd say that the reason is that you have a niece who decided to be a man. (Or a nephew who decided to be a woman, your wording is a bit ambiguous). God must really hate your family, dear!
I'm sorry I used the wrong word. I meant to say Nephew! Just a grammar mistake. My brother has a son just to clarify.
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Default Re: How to make an atheist cry - 02-07-2016, 08:44 AM

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Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold View Post
If every atheist read it, we would see the end of their folly.
You'd really think it'd be that easy?


Matthew 22:13
Then said the king to the servants, Bind him hand and foot, and take him away, and cast him into outer darkness, there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth.

Last edited by Mary Etheldreda; 02-07-2016 at 05:18 PM. Reason: I fixed your quoting for you. You're welcome.
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Default Re: How to make an atheist cry - 02-08-2016, 09:08 PM

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Originally Posted by Bjorn Jensen View Post
The following story has been known to make atheists cry!

An atheist in godless England went to London Zoo with his 5 year old son. In his hand he held a Bible. When they reached the chimp exhibit, the atheist said to his son "Look at the chimpanzees. See how similar they are to us? That's because we have a common ancestor, son. Evolution is true and God is not."

The atheist tore a page out of the Bible and threw it into the chimp exhibit. A chimp quickly swung over to the Bible page and ate it. "See how the chimp ate that Bible page? If God really existed, he wouldn't have allowed the chimp to eat it."

The atheist and his son continued to visit every animal exhibit, and the atheist father did the same thing at each and every one, one page for each animal. Finally, only one page of the Bible remained and only one animal remained to be visited.

They came up to the aquarium where a big octopus was laying on a rock. The atheist ripped out the last Bible page and dropped it into the aquarium. Suddenly, the octopus grabbed the Bible page and began to come up, out of the water!

The atheist and his son were so surprised their mouths fell agape! The octopus looked the father in the eye, and with an inhuman voice began to read from the page! " Psalm 14:1! The fool hath said in his heart," There is no God!" The atheist stood there, speechless! The octopus began to speak again "Do you think that because we animals ate pages of the Bible, it means that God is not real? Look how much of a fool you are! Do you not know that the Word of God is nourishment to all who partake of it! You fool!".

The atheist dropped to his knees and began to cry. The octopus spoke again "Accept Christ, and your sins will be absolved, sinner". With a tear-stained face, the atheist said in a shaking voice: "I do! I accept Christ and God and the Holy Spirit! I was such a fool for not believing!".

The former-atheist did the sign of the cross and stood up. His knees were still shaking but a bright glow surrounded him as he converted to Christianity.
Dear Friend.
I Found your whole story totally moving until the atheist made the sign of the cross. Was he a Catlick? This worries me greatly.


Isaiah 66:15

For behold, the Lord wil come with fire, and with his charets like a whirlewinde, to render his anger with furie, and his rebuke with flames of fire.
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Default Re: How to make an atheist cry - 02-10-2016, 08:48 PM

I'm not crying, I'm laughing at the absurdity of this story
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Default Re: How to make an atheist cry - 02-10-2016, 08:50 PM

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Originally Posted by Goldenshark123 View Post
I'm not crying, I'm laughing at the absurdity of this story
Care to explain?


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