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  #1  
Old 08-31-2013, 09:10 PM
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Default Thank you all for praying for my wife... She finally died.

As you all know it has been a tough last couple of years for my family. My dear wife after being unable to prove she was a virgin at the time we married (I didn't think to ask back then but she should have kept some proof) and after I caught her numerous times talking to the cat in an attempt to divine the future (do you think it will rain today snowball?) She nevertheless had the audacity to continue to live for several years even though biblical law said she should die. After years of taking her on walks in rocky places and praying for an avalanche to kill her The Lord finally answered my prayers. She died of pneumonia last night.

My son J.R. Has been working on the grave all day and we plan to put her to rest sometime after church tomorrow. We ask the community not to send flowers but we will accept cash gifts that we will donate to charity sometime soon.

I will be free next weekend and plan to start dating as soon as possible but please do not send me anyone younger than 17.
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Old 08-31-2013, 11:51 PM
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Default Re: Thank you all for praying for my wife... She finally died.

Praise GOD for answered prayer. I was about to ask if you had started dating yet, but it looks like you've already done some thinking about that topic.

I mentioned your plight and how you must be simply prostrate with grief to a friend. He suggested waiting a while to get involved since "people will talk." I'm not sure what he meant. Surely GOD would want you to have someone in your life. My friend in Utah suggested polygamy but I don't know why you'd find solace in making paper sculptures.

If there's anything I can do to relieve your stress, let me know.
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Old 09-01-2013, 12:44 AM
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Default Re: Thank you all for praying for my wife... She finally died.

Brother Godfly, you must remember your experience puts you in the company of some very famous people. Newt Gingrich has had two bad wives, Donald Trump one or two.

Both of them eventually took on wives worthy of them and have had considerable professional success. Those who had the misfortune of a bad wife and did not "move on" (dare I say Mitt?) have lost major elections.

So, we all wish for you a wonderful life ahead with the wife you deserve.
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Old 09-01-2013, 12:58 AM
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Default Re: Thank you all for praying for my wife... She finally died.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Godfly View Post
The Lord finally answered my prayers.
Praise Jesus! He NEVER leaves the prayer of the faithful unanswered!




God is good all the time! All the time, God is good!







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  #5  
Old 09-01-2013, 01:00 AM
Scott Scenter Scott Scenter is offline
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Scott Scenter is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Scott Scenter is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Scott Scenter is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Scott Scenter is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.
Default Re: Thank you all for praying for my wife... She finally died.

It is good that she died, for the Lord made it happen. He is wise and knows how to guide us all.

If you will look in your book of the Lord it will be shown to you that He knows that you are sad.

Matthew 13:1 The same day went Jesus out of the house, and sat by the sea side.

In this case ( I am an attorney ) it is all right for we to use Jesus as a two syllable word because he is the Lord's child.

God's peace will be with you now. Use words of one syllable and all will be shown as you can see it in time.

It is the way known as the come.
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  #6  
Old 09-01-2013, 01:11 AM
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Default Re: Thank you all for praying for my wife... She finally died.

This story puts me of a mind of a story I once heard at a Pastor's Conference. It seems a man went into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for his recently deceased wife can be published. After the editor informs him that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word, he pauses, reflects and then says, "Well, then,let it read 'Cordelia Brown died'."

Confounded at the man's thrift, the editor stammers that there
is a 7-word minimum for all obituaries. The man pauses again,
counts on his fingers and replied, "In that case, have it say 'Cordelia Brown
died: 1983 Pick-up for sale'."

I think the man was scottish.
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  #7  
Old 09-01-2013, 02:28 AM
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Default Re: Thank you all for praying for my wife... She finally died.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
This story puts me of a mind of a story I once heard at a Pastor's Conference. It seems a man went into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for his recently deceased wife can be published. After the editor informs him that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word, he pauses, reflects and then says, "Well, then,let it read 'Cordelia Brown died'."

Confounded at the man's thrift, the editor stammers that there
is a 7-word minimum for all obituaries. The man pauses again,
counts on his fingers and replied, "In that case, have it say 'Cordelia Brown
died: 1983 Pick-up for sale'."

I think the man was scottish.
Oh pastor your' jokes always are a laugh. And who says Christians don't have a sense of humor.


I think we should remember with Godfly's wife the wages of sin are DEATH. We can thank our Loving Savior for that!
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  #8  
Old 09-01-2013, 02:39 AM
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Default Re: Thank you all for praying for my wife... She finally died.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe View Post
Oh pastor your' jokes always are a laugh. And who says Christians don't have a sense of humor.


I think we should remember with Godfly's wife the wages of sin are DEATH. We can thank our Loving Savior for that!
That Pastor Zeke is such a card with his jokes.

The interesting thing is, when I called Brother Godfly to express my condolences, and he told me he has a pickup truck for sale. It's the one his wife drove.
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Old 09-01-2013, 07:03 PM
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Default Re: Thank you all for praying for my wife... She finally died.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold View Post
That Pastor Zeke is such a card with his jokes.

The interesting thing is, when I called Brother Godfly to express my condolences, and he told me he has a pickup truck for sale. It's the one his wife drove.
The truck is actually what my wife used to sleep in durring her time of the month. I never allowed her to drive. I won't need it for my daughters as I plan to have them married just as soon as they flower. I may have to buy something nicer for my new wife, women find such trifles important.
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Old 09-02-2013, 09:36 AM
ChristMySavior ChristMySavior is offline
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Default Re: Thank you all for praying for my wife... She finally died.

Praise the LORD. This should be enough 'proof' of His existence for those sinful atheists. Are you looking forward to watching your ex-wife burning in HELL on Judgement Day?
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Old 09-02-2013, 06:42 PM
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Default Re: Thank you all for praying for my wife... She finally died.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Godfly View Post
The truck is actually what my wife used to sleep in durring her time of the month. I never allowed her to drive.
I was going to make you an offer for the pickup truck, Brother Godfly, but now that you explained what it was used for, I'll have to pass.

Maybe you could put a FOR SALE sign in the window and park it down on Martin Luther King Boulevard. They will buy unclean trucks down there.
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Old 09-03-2013, 09:38 AM
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Default Re: Thank you all for praying for my wife... She finally died.

You mentioned daughters somewhere. Are they up to keeping your home to the standard God expects and do you have anyone to supervise them.

Can they cook or sew? Modern education is particularly remiss in these areas I find, all they're taught is (fabric) lycra and junk (food). I only cook roast joints or grilled steak served with a selection of (colour themed) vegetables and the clothes I make are exclusively single fibre.
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Old 09-03-2013, 12:03 PM
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Default Re: Thank you all for praying for my wife... She finally died.

Our God is an awesome God. His will be done against those who would play the harlot in their father's house (despite wishy washy secular laws).

Amen.
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Isaiah 34:6 The sword of the LORD is filled with blood, it is made fat with fatness, and with the blood of lambs and goats, with the fat of the kidneys of rams: for the LORD hath a sacrifice in Bozrah, and a great slaughter in the land of Idumea.

John 5:46,47 For had ye believed Moses, ye would have believed me: for he wrote of me. But if ye believe not his writings, how shall ye believe my words?

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  #14  
Old 09-03-2013, 09:38 PM
franckielopez franckielopez is offline
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Default Re: Thank you all for praying for my wife... She finally died.

You're sick. Simply because she would ask the cat if it thought it would rain today, you pray for God to kill her? And because she didn't have proof of her virginity. The way I see it, all you people on this site are a bunch of rude and offensive hypocrites. If she was studying or practicing witchcraft and divination, you should have tried to make her see that God and Satan are real and that there's a Heaven and a Hell, not pray for God to kill her. I've seen many ridiculous posts on this site, but yours was by far the most disgusting and offensive. Don't twist the word of God so it can benefit you.
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  #15  
Old 09-03-2013, 10:15 PM
ChristMySavior ChristMySavior is offline
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Default Re: Thank you all for praying for my wife... She finally died.

Quote:
Originally Posted by realchristian04 View Post
You're sick. Simply because she would ask the cat if it thought it would rain today, you pray for God to kill her? And because she didn't have proof of her virginity. The way I see it, all you people on this site are a bunch of rude and offensive hypocrites. If she was studying or practicing witchcraft and divination, you should have tried to make her see that God and Satan are real and that there's a Heaven and a Hell, not pray for God to kill her. I've seen many ridiculous posts on this site, but yours was by far the most disgusting and offensive. Don't twist the word of God so it can benefit you.
I see that this is your first post, so I will direct you to the introduction forum. Make a post about yourself, how many sons you have, what church you go to, and how you came to find Jesus.

However, let's set a few things clear:

Quote:
all you people on this site are a bunch of rude and offensive hypocrites.
Generalizations are inherently bad arguments, don't use them. Also, the Word of God (outlined in the King James Bible) is neither rude nor offensive, and its true followers are not hypocrites - we follow it to the letter.

Quote:
If she was studying or practicing witchcraft and divination, you should have tried to make her see that God and Satan are real and that there's a Heaven and a Hell, not pray for God to kill her.
Have you even read The Bible? Exodus 22:18 CLEARLY states what God intends for us to do with witches. The only reason that she was not killed by man is because of the law, which we are told to obey in 1 Peter 2:13-15.

I hope this clears a few things up for you.

YiC
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Exodus 20:3 - Thou shalt have no other gods before me
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  #16  
Old 09-03-2013, 11:36 PM
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Cranky Old Man Cranky Old Man is offline
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Default Re: Thank you all for praying for my wife... She finally died.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Godfly View Post
As you all know it has been a tough last couple of years for my family.
Indeed, the constant whining of your wife was legendary. And don't get me started on her cooking. We could have wiped out all unbelievers in the Middle East with her cooking. She was also the living proof women should never be allowed to drive cars. Or leave the house for that matter. I still haven't figured out what was worse, her smell or her looks. I think Satan will put her close to the Obama voters in Hell to make their suffering extra horrible. You are a true hero for obeying 1 Corinthians 7:10-11 by staying married to that horrible horrible woman.

BBQ next weekend? I probably have some unmarried granddaughters left.
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  #17  
Old 09-03-2013, 11:49 PM
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Default Re: Thank you all for praying for my wife... She finally died.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man View Post
BBQ next weekend? I probably have some unmarried granddaughters left.
I thought he was looking for some more experienced, in matters of housekeeping and cooking? Today I'm having one of these.



I've just returned from a bbq, the last one of the winter (it ran over a bit). We were trying out some new clothes I've made. My friend's husband seem particularly pleased with the new designs. Sorry, am I babbling..?
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  #18  
Old 09-04-2013, 01:28 AM
Scott Scenter Scott Scenter is offline
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Scott Scenter is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Scott Scenter is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Scott Scenter is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Scott Scenter is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.
Default Re: Thank you all for praying for my wife... She finally died.

If we praise the Christ enough she will become undead and that is good enough, so believe, or as I should command to a true friend: Believe!
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  #19  
Old 09-04-2013, 02:02 AM
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Default Re: Thank you all for praying for my wife... She finally died.

Quote:
Originally Posted by realchristian04 View Post
You're sick. Simply because she would ask the cat if it thought it would rain today, you pray for God to kill her? And because she didn't have proof of her virginity. The way I see it, all you people on this site are a bunch of rude and offensive hypocrites. If she was studying or practicing witchcraft and divination, you should have tried to make her see that God and Satan are real and that there's a Heaven and a Hell, not pray for God to kill her. I've seen many ridiculous posts on this site, but yours was by far the most disgusting and offensive. Don't twist the word of God so it can benefit you.
She knows that God and Satan are real now!

Sir I am a True Christian, it would therefore be impossible for me to "twist the word of God." Often the word of God does benefit True Christian men. Why wouldn't it? But not because we "twist" it, but because we understand and obey it. If the word of God did not benefit us we would still obey it which is probably why God loves True Christian men over all others.
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  #20  
Old 09-04-2013, 08:56 AM
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Redeemed Papist Redeemed Papist is offline
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Default Re: Thank you all for praying for my wife... She finally died.

Quote:
Originally Posted by franckielopez View Post
You're sick. Simply because she would ask the cat if it thought it would rain today, you pray for God to kill her? And because she didn't have proof of her virginity.
Can there be any thing more important before God for a woman to achieve than the chastity of a bride? God spells it out really well.

You people are warped. Totally sick in the head with your fake morals you just dream up out of nowhere that you think make sense. Well God knows better! And you dare to call us sick, you vile heathen piece of trash.
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Isaiah 34:6 The sword of the LORD is filled with blood, it is made fat with fatness, and with the blood of lambs and goats, with the fat of the kidneys of rams: for the LORD hath a sacrifice in Bozrah, and a great slaughter in the land of Idumea.

John 5:46,47 For had ye believed Moses, ye would have believed me: for he wrote of me. But if ye believe not his writings, how shall ye believe my words?

Join me in scoffing at backwards Muslims clinging to their beliefs in the face of the evidence!
The truth about volcanos
Sex and debauchery in public schools
Faith wins over science (explained for even the very stupid)
God Cures AIDS - GLORY!
Desert whale bones prove Great Flood once and for all.
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