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THE WAR ON CHRISTMAS! Open for the CHRISTmas Season only.

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  #1  
Old 11-12-2013, 03:39 AM
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Default I hope Jesus Posts Again

,

I hope You will post again this year. I wasn't part of this forum when You chose to bless us with Your Presence. I'm just an unworthy servant, with no one that cares much about me - but I know You care.

If You will even say hello, it would be enough to last a lifetime.

"I can't believe how I wasted all of those years. I can't believe that I cried so many tears. If my love could be measured by the tears that I've cried, there'd be an ocean from where I stand that would reach to the other side. Jesus, I'm an open book. Won't you read every page of my heart? Jesus won't you take a look and help me make a brand new start."

Humbly,
Brother Larry
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  #2  
Old 11-12-2013, 03:44 AM
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Default Re: I hope Jesus Posts Again

He says if you Tithe and Pray enough He will consider an appearance. But you have to give till it hurts.
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Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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  #3  
Old 11-12-2013, 04:54 PM
ResurrectedGhost ResurrectedGhost is offline
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Default Re: I hope Jesus Posts Again

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
He says if you Tithe and Pray enough He will consider an appearance. But you have to give till it hurts.
I'm not currently earning, and so cant tithe (a tenth of nothing is...well..nothing). Can i still be saved Pastor?
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  #4  
Old 11-12-2013, 05:00 PM
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Default Re: I hope Jesus Posts Again

Quote:
Originally Posted by ResurrectedGhost View Post
I'm not currently earning, and so cant tithe (a tenth of nothing is...well..nothing). Can i still be saved Pastor?
Please introduce yourself in the introduction forum.

YIC
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1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

Revelation 22:15 For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.

Leviticus 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
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  #5  
Old 11-12-2013, 05:02 PM
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Default Re: I hope Jesus Posts Again

Quote:
Originally Posted by ResurrectedGhost View Post
I'm not currently earning, and so cant tithe (a tenth of nothing is...well..nothing). Can i still be saved Pastor?
Not with that kind of attitude, dear.

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  #6  
Old 11-12-2013, 06:23 PM
winstonthewhiner (Quarantined) winstonthewhiner is offline
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Default Re: I hope Jesus Posts Again

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
He says if you Tithe and Pray enough He will consider an appearance. But you have to give till it hurts.
And there we have it. One reason why I am so sceptical of the catholic church. You also fud the popes palace.

Ah, it seems to me any divine and sacred church is in fact a very profane, profit oriented enterprise. A shame it is subsidized by the state through tax relieves.
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Old 11-12-2013, 06:34 PM
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Default Re: I hope Jesus Posts Again

Quote:
Originally Posted by winstonsomething View Post
And there we have it. One reason why I am so sceptical of the catholic church. You also fud the popes palace...
Earth to Winston, Earth to Winston, come in Winston...

IS THIS THING ON??!?

Uh, ok, now, repeat after me: "Landover BAPTIST Church is not Catholic, has nothing to do with Catholics, does not fund the Catholic Church, and believes that all Catholics are going to Hell just as fast as that Didymus Much asshole that keeps pestering them for actually following every word of the King James Bible".
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  #8  
Old 11-12-2013, 06:57 PM
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Default Re: I hope Jesus Posts Again

Quote:
Originally Posted by Didymus Much View Post
Earth to Winston, Earth to Winston, come in Winston...

IS THIS THING ON??!?

Uh, ok, now, repeat after me: "Landover BAPTIST Church is not Catholic, has nothing to do with Catholics, does not fund the Catholic Church, and believes that all Catholics are going to Hell just as fast as that Didymus Much asshole that keeps pestering them for actually following every word of the King James Bible".
I can't believe I am going to say this, but Thank You for clarifying that.

Winston! What the heathen said ^^^.
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  #9  
Old 11-12-2013, 07:03 PM
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Default Re: I hope Jesus Posts Again

Do I want to know what it means to "fud the palace"?

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Old 11-12-2013, 08:45 PM
winstonthewhiner (Quarantined) winstonthewhiner is offline
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Default Re: I hope Jesus Posts Again

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
Do I want to know what it means to "fud the palace"?

Fund the palace. And I know, you are not catholic. That's not the point. The point is Landover Baptist church is a church. Churches receive tax benefits. I find that inappropriate given your strong profit orientation.

The mentioning of the catholic church was just a simile. I apologize if there were any misunderstandings. I should have made myself clearer.
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Old 11-12-2013, 09:06 PM
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Default Re: I hope Jesus Posts Again

Quote:
Originally Posted by winstonsomething View Post
Churches receive tax benefits. I find that inappropriate given your strong profit orientation.
That's only because you don't understand the nature of our work, or the necessity of it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeb Stuart Thurmond View Post
Biblical Law calls for True Christian™ churches to be funded with a 10% income tax (Genesis 28:22). Also, we get to draft your firstborn child: (Exodus 13:12-13) This is not an optional donation, God states clearly that failure to pay this tax is a crime:

Malachi 3:8 Will a man rob God? Yet ye have robbed me. But ye say, Wherein have we robbed thee? In tithes and offerings.

This will be a flat tax, except for the poor, who are to give everything: Mark 12:41-44.
Needed: new 10% tax to fund Christianity. Also, conscription

Latest research suggests churches and religious organizations in the United States receive more than 82.5 billion US dollars per year in tax subsidies. Clearly that is not enough. We don't spend it on foolishness like the catholics. You won't see Pastor Zeke in some goofy fishhead hat, silk dresses and fancy women's shoes.


He travels in style because the LORD blesses him and his hard work through the generous gifts of his flock, not because he's obsessed with bullet proof glass. He knows the LORD will protect him. And some of the places he travels are very remote. You think he finds his Indonesian house boys through the local Merry Maids?

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Old 11-12-2013, 10:43 PM
winstonthewhiner (Quarantined) winstonthewhiner is offline
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Default Re: I hope Jesus Posts Again

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
That's only because you don't understand the nature of our work, or the necessity of it.
Nope, I do understand. Land of the free, the american dream, make a fortune of your own hard work or smart work. Buying something that's bad for you and then sueing the people who made it. Inegnious, how McDonalds was forced to pay a huge some because their coffee was hot. Anyway, it's good that you show entrepreneurial spirit, even though I find yourmeans morally condemnable (guilting people into donating even though they cannot afford it). Still, that means you are a businessman first, even though you try to disguise as someone holy. And in that case you should be properly taxed.


Quote:
Latest research suggests churches and religious organizations in the United States receive more than 82.5 billion US dollars per year in tax subsidies.
Hmm, the budget deficit is huge enough elaready. We don't need to expand it for something like this:
http://anonymouse.org/cgi-bin/anon-w...ad.php?t=93943

Quote:
Pastor responds to critics of his $1.7M home
Quote:
Clearly that is not enough. We don't spend it on foolishness like the catholics.
You heard the part about the popes palace?

From that very same thread:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
My estate is 32,000 square feet!
Admittedly it's not Vatican city, still it sure sounds as if you were not above such foolishness.

Quote:
You think he finds his Indonesian house boys through the local Merry Maids?
What does he need Indonesian house boys for? Can't he keep the house in proper fashion himself?
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  #13  
Old 11-13-2013, 12:56 AM
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Mark L. Snyde, PhD Mark L. Snyde, PhD is offline
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Default Re: I hope Jesus Posts Again

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Originally Posted by winstonsomething View Post
...
What does he need Indonesian house boys for? Can't he keep the house in proper fashion himself?
Just how many hours do you think our Dear Lord gave us in a day? Our Pastors are far too busy doing the heavy lifting for The Lord to be bothered with mundane tasks like house work. Their time is far too precious to be squandered like that.
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I Kings 7:23

And he made a moulten Sea, ten cubites from the one brim to the other: it was round all about, & his height was fiue cubits: and a line of thirtie cubites did compasse it round about.

New here? Desiring to be pleasing in the eyes of The Lord and His Followers?

Then do as directed by our esteemed Pastors and head on over to the Introductions subforum and make your first post there, friend. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus. Anything else you want to share with us about how Jesus has blessed you is welcomed too.

Are you a hater of God that believes He is a morally bankrupt monster? Read Why, you ask, is God so angry? to see that it is in fact you that is the monster that mercilessly and infinitely torments God.

Stop this relentless torturing of God and accept Jesus today!
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  #14  
Old 11-13-2013, 04:16 PM
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Default Re: I hope Jesus Posts Again

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Originally Posted by winstonsomething View Post
Nope, I do understand. Land of the free, the american dream, make a fortune of your own hard work or smart work. Buying something that's bad for you and then sueing the people who made it. Inegnious, how McDonalds was forced to pay a huge some because their coffee was hot. Anyway, it's good that you show entrepreneurial spirit, even though I find yourmeans morally condemnable (guilting people into donating even though they cannot afford it). Still, that means you are a businessman first, even though you try to disguise as someone holy. And in that case you should be properly taxed.



We follow the divine path of Capitalism and Low Corporate Taxes because Jesus was the first Business Man®. "And he said unto them, How is it that ye sought me? wist ye not that I must be about my Father's business?" Luke 2:49. America's Dreaming about Jesus

The Church is a Divine Corporation, not built by human hands. We answer to a Higher Power , above the laws that govern normal business, therefore not susceptible to secular taxes. We tax them. Hope that helps.

In His Grip,

Jon Bradley, Financial Peace University Teacher Assistant
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Ezekiel 23:19-20 "Yet she multiplied her whoredoms, in calling to remembrance the days of her youth, wherein she had played the harlot in the land of Egypt.
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  #15  
Old 11-15-2013, 11:07 PM
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Default Re: I hope Jesus Posts Again

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Originally Posted by winstonsomething View Post
The point is Landover Baptist church is a church. Churches receive tax benefits. I find that inappropriate given your strong profit orientation.
The Landover Baptist Church isn't about making a profit, it is about saving souls and making America a decent place to live again. All of the proceeds of tithing and various fundraisers go straight into our religious programs. Yes, I know that, to an outsider, it appears strange that our senior pastors have private jets, personal chefs, Rolls Royces and Ferraris, memberships at exclusive golf clubs, summer homes in various destination spots worldwide, etc., but that is just God's way of rewarding them for their strong faith in Him and for a job well done. God knows that He has to pay competitive wages to attract high caliber talent to run His favorite church.

If you worked as hard as our pastors do for the Lord, He would bless you with rewards like this, too. But instead of getting up off your lazy liberal behind and doing your part, all you do is attack those who work harder than you do for being successful.
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  #16  
Old 11-15-2013, 11:28 PM
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Default Re: I hope Jesus Posts Again

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Originally Posted by winstonsomething View Post
sueing the people who made it. Inegnious, how McDonalds was forced to pay a huge some because their coffee was hot
There are a lot more reasons why McDonalds should be sued into oblivion. Their pathetic excuse for bread is a direct insult to Jesus Christ.

John 6:58
King James Version (KJV)

58 This is that bread which came down from heaven: not as your fathers did eat manna, and are dead: he that eateth of this bread shall live for ever.

Quote:
What does he need Indonesian house boys for? Can't he keep the house in proper fashion himself?
Of course not! He is too busy doing important work for the Lord. He has to pound the ecstasy of the Holy Spirit into those house boys over and over and over and over again.
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  #17  
Old 12-18-2013, 11:45 PM
Walter Van Slyke Walter Van Slyke is offline
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Default Re: I hope Jesus Posts Again

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Originally Posted by winstonthewhiner View Post
The point is Landover Baptist church is a church. Churches receive tax benefits. I find that inappropriate given your strong profit orientation.
You poor, confused slob.

In Mark 8:36 we read:

Quote:
For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?
...but if a man can gain the whole world AND save his soul, isn't that even better? Of course it is. I suggest you send a big check right away. Your soul will be saved, and you might even get a ride on Brother Ezekiel's yacht.
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  #18  
Old 12-22-2013, 11:19 PM
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Default Re: I hope Jesus Posts Again

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Larry View Post
,

I hope You will post again this year. I wasn't part of this forum when You chose to bless us with Your Presence. I'm just an unworthy servant, with no one that cares much about me - but I know You care.

If You will even say hello, it would be enough to last a lifetime.

"I can't believe how I wasted all of those years. I can't believe that I cried so many tears. If my love could be measured by the tears that I've cried, there'd be an ocean from where I stand that would reach to the other side. Jesus, I'm an open book. Won't you read every page of my heart? Jesus won't you take a look and help me make a brand new start."

Humbly,
Brother Larry
What a shame that this thread has strayed from its original intent. Is it possible that the LORD might, indeed, offer His time to the lowly servants below? I too would be honored beyond belief to even have Him in the same thread with me. Take Heart, Brother Larry, for Christmas has not yet past! Lord God, won't You send Your Son, JesOS in hand, to greet us here?
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  #19  
Old 12-22-2013, 11:54 PM
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Default Re: I hope Jesus Posts Again

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Originally Posted by Naomi Ruth Lamb View Post
What a shame that this thread has strayed from its original intent. Is it possible that the LORD might, indeed, offer His time to the lowly servants below? I too would be honored beyond belief to even have Him in the same thread with me. Take Heart, Brother Larry, for Christmas has not yet past! Lord God, won't You send Your Son, JesOS in hand, to greet us here?
Amen, sister, amen.

I have no doubt that Jesus will return to this thread on His Holy Birthday, if enough of you Pray for it.

And tithing robustly, don't forget that.
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Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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  #20  
Old 12-23-2013, 12:15 AM
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Dr Laurence Niles Dr Laurence Niles is offline
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Default Re: I hope Jesus Posts Again

Hopefully Jesus will be here soon to sort out all of the decadence in this world.

All the murder, paedophilia and rape (anal) will be brought to an end as He takes us True Christians™ up to Heaven to sing His praises at His bosom for all eternity.

I sure hope He drops in to give us a workable timeframe for the Rapture.

YIC
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1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

Revelation 22:15 For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.

Leviticus 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
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