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  #1  
Old 12-23-2011, 09:57 PM
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Cool Hiding Bruises

Well ladies, it's time to share our secrets. The liebral media seems to think there's something wrong with a husband disciplining his wife when she sins, so it has become necessary for us to find ways to hide our marks of punishment.

Yesterday, I am ashamed to say I burned the pie I was making for my husband. He disciplined me accordingly, and I don't want my hippy neighbors asking questions about the bruises. Any advice on concealment? They're mostly around my eyes, so I can't cover them with clothing. I have no make up in my house (Only whores do!) so that's out as well. I could try sun glasses, but my husband says they make me look mannish, so I'd prefer to save those as a last resort. Any other ideas, ladies?
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Old 12-23-2011, 11:03 PM
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Default Re: Hiding Bruises

Well there's just nothing I hate worse than nosy neighbors, unless they are True Christians sniffing out sin in the neighborhood.

I don't see why you should want to hide the bruises your husband gave you.

Most wives aren't so fortunate as to marry a manly man True Christian who will beat the fear of GOD into their wives, and you should wear the bruises he gives you as a trophy.
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Old 12-23-2011, 11:10 PM
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Default Re: Hiding Bruises

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Originally Posted by Bob4God View Post
Well there's just nothing I hate worse than nosy neighbors, unless they are True Christians sniffing out sin in the neighborhood.

I don't see why you should want to hide the bruises your husband gave you.

Most wives aren't so fortunate as to marry a manly man True Christian who will beat the fear of GOD into their wives, and you should wear the bruises he gives you as a trophy.
I am very fortunate to have a manly Christian husband. I'm very grateful.

I wouldn't want to hide them, but I'm afraid my liberal neighbors will have my husband arrested if they find out where they came from. It's apparently a "crime" to punish your own wife!
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Old 12-23-2011, 11:48 PM
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Default Re: Hiding Bruises

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Originally Posted by Good Christian Woman View Post
Well ladies, it's time to share our secrets. The liebral media seems to think there's something wrong with a husband disciplining his wife when she sins, so it has become necessary for us to find ways to hide our marks of punishment.

Yesterday, I am ashamed to say I burned the pie I was making for my husband. He disciplined me accordingly, and I don't want my hippy neighbors asking questions about the bruises. Any advice on concealment? They're mostly around my eyes, so I can't cover them with clothing. I have no make up in my house (Only whores do!) so that's out as well. I could try sun glasses, but my husband says they make me look mannish, so I'd prefer to save those as a last resort. Any other ideas, ladies?
The simplest solution would be to just stay indoors. My wife Cindy Lou is never allowed outside. That means I have to take care of the yard work, but at least the liberal media won't be sniffing around her looking for bruises and open sores.

If there is an emergency, and you must go outside for some reason, perhaps during a blizzard as a punishment, then have the Reverend Jim Osborne perform a Christian laying on of hands. This is sure to cover up any unsightly topical damage.
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Old 12-23-2011, 11:51 PM
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Default Re: Hiding Bruises

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Originally Posted by Billy Bob Jenkins View Post
The simplest solution would be to just stay indoors. My wife Cindy Lou is never allowed outside. That means I have to take care of the yard work, but at least the liberal media won't be sniffing around her looking for bruises and open sores.

If there is an emergency, and you must go outside for some reason, perhaps during a blizzard as a punishment, then have the Reverend Jim Osborne perform a Christian laying on of hands. This is sure to cover up any unsightly topical damage.
Excellent solution. The only time I really go outside is to hang the laundry and do yard work, and I can have my four daughters do that until the bruises heal.
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Old 12-24-2011, 04:11 AM
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Default Re: Hiding Bruises

That's exactly what I was going to mention, stay inside. I'm sure you have plenty of houswork to do anyway, & if you get it all done, then you can always find other things indoors to spend your time constructive. Polish your hubands shoes, mend his clothes, & spend time scrutinizing your own work & places you need to improve. Then explain to your husband where, why , how you can & should be doing better. This is a good time for this because since you are already bruised, its a very convienient time for more deserved punishment, depending on how much room for improvement you have, you may be able to work yourself into a good enough beating that its not just black eyes, go for more of a full body beating, then you should be able to leave home sooner, you will have learned your lesson, and if you drive like most women, your car is probably already banged up pretty badly anyway, so people will just assume you were in a car wreck. Then you don't have to lie, & disgrace our saviour by telling lies & breaking one of the most important commandments. Use some of your time to practice up on your baking, so you won't burn any more pies. Then you can avoid thus incidence ever happening again.
There's plenty to do & I'm sure if your like most women including my wife, a constant effort for perfection is emphatic & the beatings are just a small part of your learning to be a more godly servant to your man. God Bless You Sister, & good luck on your journey.
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Old 12-24-2011, 05:30 AM
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Default Re: Hiding Bruises

Your fellow Christian ladies will envy you those shiners.
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Old 12-24-2011, 06:01 AM
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Default Re: Hiding Bruises

I have found that it is often easier for me to hit my wife with a tennis racket.

Because the surface area is primarily mesh, it flies through the air easily, and it doesn't leave a bruise, but rather, an amusing mesh-patterned welt.

I often explain to my wife that Satan's web of sin and deceit has a similar mesh shape, only the welts I leave will save her from HELL'S FIRE.
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Old 12-24-2011, 06:20 AM
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Default Re: Hiding Bruises

I like the tennis racket idea, you could use a soldering iron or a cigarette to play tick tack toe.
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Old 12-24-2011, 06:34 PM
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Default Re: Hiding Bruises

Quote:
Originally Posted by Good Christian Woman View Post
Well ladies, it's time to share our secrets. The liebral media seems to think there's something wrong with a husband disciplining his wife when she sins, so it has become necessary for us to find ways to hide our marks of punishment.

Yesterday, I am ashamed to say I burned the pie I was making for my husband. He disciplined me accordingly, and I don't want my hippy neighbors asking questions about the bruises. Any advice on concealment? They're mostly around my eyes, so I can't cover them with clothing. I have no make up in my house (Only whores do!) so that's out as well. I could try sun glasses, but my husband says they make me look mannish, so I'd prefer to save those as a last resort. Any other ideas, ladies?
Why is your husband using his fist instead of a rod, as directed in the Bible?

A rod to the buttocks will not leave marks where they can be seen by anyone but your husband. And you'll be reminded of your improper behavior every time you choose to sit down for days, instead of just when you look at yourself in a mirror!
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Old 12-24-2011, 07:01 PM
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Default Re: Hiding Bruises

I pray constantly for a Godly husband who would love me enough to discipline me, but alas, my poor dear deluded atheist husband refuses. It makes me so sad, but I do have eternal hope in Christ Jesus that he will see the folly of his ways and come to the LORD as I have come to the LORD. In the meantime, I leave around little "hints" printed in his lunch box, underwear drawer, my bra. I hope the Holy Spirit leads him quickly but in the meantime, I'm happy to share what I can with you in case your husband chooses to alter his disciplinary habits.

From my favorite website (Christian Domestic Discipline),

Quote:
When administering physical discipline, take caution not to deliver the lashes anywhere but the buttocks. The first attempt at this punishment should only be delivered by hand so you can get an idea of how many lashings are needed. The best position will be for you to sit at the end of a bed or on a chair (with no arms) and have her lay across your lap. She can also bend over a bed with arms tucked under her chest and your left hand on the small of her back. If a strap (belt) is to be implemented watch that each stoke falls directly on the buttocks and not higher. EDITOR'S NOTE: When using the hand, or a small, short implement, such as a switch or small "hairbrush"-type paddle, over-the-knee positioning can work quite well.

A fearful wife may begin crying or pleading and find it difficult to remain still. Reassure her. of your intent and love (yes this will hurt, that is why it is a punishment) then instruct her to be still. Remind her that she is not in control of this discipline. You should continue the lashing through her tears and pleas for you to stop, until you are certain the message was received. This will insure her remorse and therefore stop the undesirable behavior.

A sound lashing is five to ten strokes with your hand, or three to five strokes with a strap; some wives need more. To avoid brusing do not strike the same area in repetition. Gauge your decision to proceed based on your wife's readiness to repent.

You may find it difficult to cause your wife pain, but as a woman she needs the release of guilt that this form of punishment brings. Afterwards, help her up gently and hold her while allowing her to cry for as long as you both feel necessary. If you have children instruct her to wash her face before emerging from the room.

Remember to stay in control at all times so her faith in you is not rattled. Her reaction after the lashing will let you know if this punishment works for her. She should be genuinely remorseful, tearful, and sore, but have an overwhelming desire to please you.
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Old 12-24-2011, 10:31 PM
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Default Re: Hiding Bruises

Quote:
You may find it difficult to cause your wife pain, but as a woman she needs the release of guilt that this form of punishment brings.
We can't stress this enough for the God-mockers who think that a few Godly lashes are "domestic abuse". It's actually the best for the woman; it's what she needs!
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Old 12-24-2011, 11:19 PM
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Default Re: Hiding Bruises

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
I pray constantly for a Godly husband who would love me enough to discipline me, but alas, my poor dear deluded atheist husband refuses. It makes me so sad, but I do have eternal hope in Christ Jesus that he will see the folly of his ways and come to the LORD as I have come to the LORD. In the meantime, I leave around little "hints" printed in his lunch box, underwear drawer, my bra. I hope the Holy Spirit leads him quickly but in the meantime, I'm happy to share what I can with you in case your husband chooses to alter his disciplinary habits.
Oh, you poor thing! I don't know what I'd do if my husband refused to discipline me. How could your husband so selfishly ignore your needs to be punished? It makes me sad to even think of your plight.

Thank you for the website. I'll pray that your husband sees the light of Christ.
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  #14  
Old 12-24-2011, 11:40 PM
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Default Re: Hiding Bruises

I'd like to point out once again that I am always available to lay of a good paddling for any Christian lady who has a limp-wristed liberal for a husband. I've got quite a collection of paddles, rods and switches, and I know how to Really put my back into my work.
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Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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  #15  
Old 12-25-2011, 01:00 AM
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Default Re: Hiding Bruises

My wife uses the 'Tammy Baker' line of eye shadow and mascara. No one has ever said anything about my wifes eyes, at least not to my face.
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Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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  #16  
Old 12-25-2011, 05:09 AM
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Cindy Lou Jenkins Cindy Lou Jenkins is offline
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Default Re: Hiding Bruises

Having little in the way of sense, seeing as i am a woman and all, i frequently act out in passive aggressive ways for the attention of my husband Billy Bob. This tendency has been somewhat curbed by a campaign of oars, paddles, rackets, switches, billy clubs, batons, ratan canes, practice swords, mattock handles, and a variety of other common and uncommon implements that my husband finds wieldy. This being said, some disobedience from a woman toward her husband, in the privacy of the home and not in front of the children, can be part of God's divine plan on occasion, in the same way that a Negro acting in accordance with his own nature can only be expected to commit rape and pie pilfery on occasion. Some Negroes, like some women, are simply predestined for Hell.

i realize this may seem like a controversial, even perhaps a "progressive" idea to some, but moderate disobedience of a Christian woman towards her husband gives a man the opportunity to exercise the full scope of his disciplinary authority, and gives him cause to prove his manly dominance over her in ways that would otherwise remain dormant in the man/wife relationship.

(Billy Bob: I approve this post)
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  #17  
Old 12-26-2011, 12:17 AM
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Default Re: Hiding Bruises

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cindy Lou Jenkins View Post
..some women, are simply predestined for Hell(Billy Bob: I approve this post)
surely we are all predestined for HELL Mrs Jenkins, subject to the caveat in I Timothy 2:15a?

I TIMOTHY 2:15a Notwithstanding she shall be saued in child-bearing..
but conditional upon the 4 provisos of I Timothy 2:15b, I Timothy 2:15c, I Timothy 2:15d & I Timothy 2:15e
I TIMOTHY 2:15b IF they continue in faith
I TIMOTHY 2:15c and charitie,
I TIMOTHY 2:15d and holinesse,
I TIMOTHY 2:15e with sobrietie.
I am getting very confused now is that 5 caveats or 4 conditions and 1 caveat or 0 caveats and 5 conditions or are they all provisions or what would happen if something unholy occurred on the death-bed

This example alone of God's miraculous intervention in our affairs should slay the atheist dragon where once it stood erect and menacing that He should stoop so low.

Isaiah 51:9
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Old 12-27-2011, 11:47 PM
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Default Re: Hiding Bruises

My Father punishes me in many different ways, but the most common is spanking my bare bottom, this is easily covered up just by wearing clothes!
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Old 12-29-2011, 07:08 PM
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Default Re: Hiding Bruises

well, i live alone out here in the trailer ever since daddy and mama went to Jesus (RIP). But I do receive quite a few catfish and snappin turtle bites when I go swimmin in the bog? these critters have right powerful jaws, so theys always leaving the odd mark, and i think its important for a lady to look her best, especially in the eyes of Christ! so I like to keep them bites n bruises covered up, but I aint got no fancy Hollywood makeup like Zha ZHa Gabor? Sos I got to improvise, Praise God! most of the time them bites is bleedin something morbid, sos my cover-ups double as a poultice of sorts? I usually make a mixture of cat urine and rotten pumpkin mush, then I dip some shamwows in the salve, an apply them too the many welts and nips on my flesh folds. Hooweee, it burns something holocaustic! but it makes them welts heal quicker.

He is risen,
Lori H.
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  #20  
Old 12-29-2011, 07:52 PM
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Default Re: Hiding Bruises

I wear my "shiners" like a badge of pride. They show that Pastor Zeke's loves me enough to "correct" me and help me get to HEAVEN.

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