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MEET CHRISTIAN SINGLES! Who knows? The love of your life might be here! All the single men are GODLY and all the single ladies are virgins...........for the most part.

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  #1  
Old 12-24-2013, 02:13 AM
IreneS IreneS is offline
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Default Whips and paddles

My late husband was a dirty filthy homer who died of the AIDS. As he never visited my bed, I am without issue, not even daughters! As my father is deceased, I am looking for a good True Christian ™ to take me for his wife before I get to Men In Pause.


Without a man to choose my husband for me, I figure I might have some say in which man I marry. So I've come to thinking that I need a husband who knows how to handle me and how to discipline me properly. The best means of that would be to examine his weaponry. I need firm and hard weaponry.


What sort of paddles and whips work best? Pastor Zeke has a fabulous collection he showed me once. I would prefer those which merely bruised but don't break the skin, otherwise my lady friends may get alarmed. What do you ladies recommend, and what do the men find works best?
Maybe you can show me pictures?
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  #2  
Old 12-24-2013, 11:52 PM
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Default Re: Whips and paddles

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Originally Posted by IreneS View Post
Without a man to choose my husband for me, I figure I might have some say in which man I marry.
Can't your church deacons arrange a suitable match for you?

Quote:
So I've come to thinking that I need a husband who knows how to handle me and how to discipline me properly. The best means of that would be to examine his weaponry. I need firm and hard weaponry.
Amen, sister. You don't want a husband who will spare you his rod.

Quote:
What sort of paddles and whips work best?
Might I suggest a Christian hockey stick? This is what my parents used on me to beat the gay away, and it totally worked. The flat part is great for minor infractions, while the thin edge is just the thing for correcting major sins such as masturbation and taking the Lord's name in vain.

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Old 12-25-2013, 05:35 AM
IreneS IreneS is offline
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Default Re: Whips and paddles

Trust the deacons? After last time when they got me a homer for a husband? I don't think so! I'm sure I can do better myself.


Hockey sticks? I'm not sure if you can even get ice hockey sticks in Australia - the game just isn't played here. They play field hockey instead:
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Old 12-25-2013, 06:04 AM
IreneS IreneS is offline
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Default Re: Whips and paddles

I was thinking more like Pastor Zeke showed me:


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Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post








I was wondering what the merits of each sort was.
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Old 12-25-2013, 09:05 AM
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Default Re: Whips and paddles

Quote:
Originally Posted by IreneS View Post
My late husband was a dirty filthy homer who died of the AIDS. As he never visited my bed, I am without issue, not even daughters! As my father is deceased, I am looking for a good True Christian ™ to take me for his wife before I get to Men In Pause.


Without a man to choose my husband for me, I figure I might have some say in which man I marry. So I've come to thinking that I need a husband who knows how to handle me and how to discipline me properly. The best means of that would be to examine his weaponry. I need firm and hard weaponry.


What sort of paddles and whips work best? Pastor Zeke has a fabulous collection he showed me once. I would prefer those which merely bruised but don't break the skin, otherwise my lady friends may get alarmed. What do you ladies recommend, and what do the men find works best?
Maybe you can show me pictures?
A simple hair brush...the kind with a flat side on the back is best. When your man is pleased with you he can stroke your long Christian hair (what can be more sensual than having your hair brushed!) and when necessary can inflict a searing pain apropriate to your transgression. Your lady friends will not be alarmed and the implement can be kept in plain site.
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Old 12-25-2013, 12:06 PM
Chester Longshire (Quarantined) Chester Longshire is offline
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Default Re: Whips and paddles

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Originally Posted by ATHEIST_SCUM View Post
A simple hair brush...the kind with a flat side on the back is best. When your man is pleased with you he can stroke your long Christian hair (what can be more sensual than having your hair brushed!) and when necessary can inflict a searing pain apropriate to your transgression. Your lady friends will not be alarmed and the implement can be kept in plain site.
Whats with your weird pie-fetish?

Is this the kind of "America Pie" perversion that kids seem to be into nowadays?
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