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THE WAR ON CHRISTMAS! Open for the CHRISTmas Season only.

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  #1  
Old 12-25-2013, 06:34 PM
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Default Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything.

I will never forget that day 2013 years ago when I was born from a virgin.

You know my family had to flee Bethlehem because Herod wanted to murder me. But of course we decided to stop at the temple in Jerusalem so my mom and stepfather could dedicate me.

Feel free to ask me any questions you may have. Since it is my birthday, I will answer you.
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  #2  
Old 12-25-2013, 06:53 PM
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Default Re: Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything.

Beloved

This is more of a prayer than a question, but may I beg you to forgive Brother Wide-Open for whatever it was he did that caused this to happen on this, the Holiest of all days?

Also, if I may be permitted a simple question, what is your favourite pie?

Yours in Thee,
Attila's Wife
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  #3  
Old 12-25-2013, 07:57 PM
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Default Re: Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything.

Blueberry. They match my eyes.

Next.
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  #4  
Old 12-25-2013, 11:24 PM
worthlessdavid (Quarantined) worthlessdavid is offline
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Default Re: Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jesus View Post
I will never forget that day 2013 years ago when I was born from a virgin.

You know my family had to flee Bethlehem because Herod wanted to murder me. But of course we decided to stop at the temple in Jerusalem so my mom and stepfather could dedicate me.

Feel free to ask me any questions you may have. Since it is my birthday, I will answer you.
I am wondering, did you make hell infinitely painful?

Also i am wondering why I have poor eye sight?.

1 more thing I don't want to forget John 4:1-3 and 1 Thessalonians 5:21 , I don't want to mistakenly praise someone other than God.
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  #5  
Old 12-25-2013, 11:30 PM
Chester Longshire (Quarantined) Chester Longshire is offline
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Default Re: Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jesus View Post
Blueberry. They match my eyes.

Next.
Dear LORD,

Did Elvis make it in?

I could not imagine heaven without getting live performances of "Jail House Rock."
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  #6  
Old 12-25-2013, 11:59 PM
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Default Re: Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything.

A Frenchman, a Mormon, a Swede, A Canadian, a Messican, and Vanna White are in a plane crash. Who survives? We all know that there is nothing in the entire creation that is great and powerful as You. Why did you give Adam Levine acne? World peace is on everyone's mind. With a wink of Your lovely blue eye, You could bring peace. So, what's up with giving us the Kardashians? Wouldn't their elimination be a good first step toward a perfect world? How are Mary and Joseph? Does Your Mother despise Catholics, waking her at all hours of the night with their Hail Marys and Holy Queens? And has burying a statue of St. Joseph ever really caused a house to sell? Does Your Father have a favorite Wizard of Oz character?
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  #7  
Old 12-26-2013, 12:22 AM
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Default Re: Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything.

Dearest Almighty,

If it please You, my King of Kings, the Lion, the Lamb, the Redeemer of all sinners, the truest Love of my heart, Keeper of my soul ... will Mr. McIrish and I finally be blessed with a Soldier of You of our very own unlike those six abominations from his heathen whore of an ex-wife who had the temerity to flout Your curse of infertility and involved secular scientists to conceive said monsters outside of her womb in a most arrogant and blasphemous fashion?

I would love nothing more than to present my dear husband with a REAL baby boy, born to serve YOU!

With Humble Thanks and Ebullient Praise
Mrs. Paddy McIrish
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  #8  
Old 12-26-2013, 01:01 AM
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Default Re: Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything.

Quote:
Originally Posted by worthless View Post
I am wondering, did you make hell infinitely painful?
Yes, of course.

Quote:
Also i am wondering why I have poor eye sight?.
Because of your sins. Your masturbation makes me sick.

Quote:
1 more thing I don't want to forget John 4:1-3 and 1 Thessalonians 5:21 , I don't want to mistakenly praise someone other than God.

Because thou hast seen me, thou hast believed: blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed.

You are truly blessed.
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  #9  
Old 12-26-2013, 01:02 AM
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Default Re: Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chester Longshire View Post
Did Elvis make it in?
Don't be silly. Elvis had his reward on the earth. However, it did take two of my angels to throw that glutton into hell.
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  #10  
Old 12-26-2013, 01:05 AM
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Default Re: Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Paddy McIrish View Post
If it please You, my King of Kings, the Lion, the Lamb, the Redeemer of all sinners, the truest Love of my heart, Keeper of my soul ... will Mr. McIrish and I finally be blessed with a Soldier of You of our very own.
Yes, no or wait; is my answer. Maybe you should pray harder and I'll think more about it.
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  #11  
Old 12-26-2013, 03:54 AM
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Mark L. Snyde, PhD Mark L. Snyde, PhD is offline
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Default Re: Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything.

Dear Jesus, My Magnificent Manly Messiah,

How does gravity work?
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I Kings 7:23

And he made a moulten Sea, ten cubites from the one brim to the other: it was round all about, & his height was fiue cubits: and a line of thirtie cubites did compasse it round about.

New here? Desiring to be pleasing in the eyes of The Lord and His Followers?

Then do as directed by our esteemed Pastors and head on over to the Introductions subforum and make your first post there, friend. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus. Anything else you want to share with us about how Jesus has blessed you is welcomed too.

Are you a hater of God that believes He is a morally bankrupt monster? Read Why, you ask, is God so angry? to see that it is in fact you that is the monster that mercilessly and infinitely torments God.

Stop this relentless torturing of God and accept Jesus today!
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  #12  
Old 12-26-2013, 05:56 AM
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Mrs. Paddy McIrish Mrs. Paddy McIrish is offline
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Default Re: Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jesus View Post
Yes, no or wait; is my answer. Maybe you should pray harder and I'll think more about it.
Your whim is my command, O Mighty One. I will wear my knees out for You, hungrily waiting to receive Your Spirit as well as Your answer to my prayers.

P.S. I hope You had the most Blessed of Birthdays! Did You get everything You wanted?
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  #13  
Old 12-26-2013, 06:11 AM
worthlessdavid (Quarantined) worthlessdavid is offline
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Default Re: Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jesus View Post
Yes, of course.



Because of your sins. Your masturbation makes me sick.



Because thou hast seen me, thou hast believed: blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed.

You are truly blessed.
Well then for your birthday I will stop sinning (you might have to help me with that one)

You seem to know that I already believed. (hopefully if you are god you can at least be glad I was being cautious, because God is a jealous God)
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  #14  
Old 12-26-2013, 06:58 AM
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Default Re: Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything.

Just to have it confirmed once and for all: what is your views on homosexuality?
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"Abnormal, a horrible cancerous tumor in the body of society, homosexuals are perverts, whose sexual drive the Devil has used as his strongest weapon against God. A person cannot be a Christian and a homosexual at the same time, homosexuality is chosen, not inborn, and everybody can be set free and delivered."

- Pastor Ake Green
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  #15  
Old 12-26-2013, 05:02 PM
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arthur frayn arthur frayn is offline
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arthur frayn is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.arthur frayn is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.arthur frayn is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.
Default Re: Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything.

What was the deal with YOU & satan & that schmuck Job??
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  #16  
Old 12-26-2013, 07:55 PM
MangyReader (On Moderation) MangyReader is offline
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Default Re: Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jesus View Post
I will never forget that day 2013 years ago when I was born from a virgin.

Wait... you remember your own birth? Yeah, that's pretty usual (?)


Anyway, I think I have a few questions for you, take your time, don't worry...


1.- Why women are portrayed like objects in the Bible? After all, Eve was just one women, I don't think all the gender must pay for one single person mistake


2.- Why beatings and spankings are, according to the bible, the best way to educate a child? I think parents can solve problems with words, not violence


3.- Why Christians must hate their own parents, brothers and sisters? I don't think God should divide their children if they already love him


4.- Is USA racism truly supported by the bible? Because for what I can see here, the country is very mean with mexicans, canadians, japanese, chinese and another people from another lands and languages


5.- Why God murder the people he created by himself? God is supposed to know everything about everybody, he should know when he creates somebody who's gonna be evil in the future


6.- Why you think only homosexual people has AIDS? Straight people can have it too, besides, is not a dicease you can catch like a cold or somethings like that, you must have sexual contact with a sick person or any kind of another contact to get the dicease too


Those are my doubts, I hope you can help me....
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  #17  
Old 12-26-2013, 09:49 PM
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Default Re: Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mark L. Snyde, PhD View Post
Dear Jesus, My Magnificent Manly Messiah,

How does gravity work?
My invisible angels pull things to the ground. I think that's the way we set it up.
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  #18  
Old 12-26-2013, 09:51 PM
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Default Re: Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Paddy McIrish View Post
Did You get everything You wanted?
Of course I did. I am omnipotent. I am really enjoying this square circle I created.
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  #19  
Old 12-26-2013, 09:53 PM
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Default Re: Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ex-Viking View Post
Just to have it confirmed once and for all: what is your views on homosexuality?
I think my buddy Paul wrote that down for me. You know he hated my followers before I came to him in a vision and turned him around in his thinking.

Too bad Dawkins won't admit that I have done the same with him.
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  #20  
Old 12-26-2013, 09:55 PM
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Mark L. Snyde, PhD Mark L. Snyde, PhD is offline
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Mark L. Snyde, PhD is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mark L. Snyde, PhD is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mark L. Snyde, PhD is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mark L. Snyde, PhD is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mark L. Snyde, PhD is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mark L. Snyde, PhD is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mark L. Snyde, PhD is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mark L. Snyde, PhD is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mark L. Snyde, PhD is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mark L. Snyde, PhD is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mark L. Snyde, PhD is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.
Default Re: Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jesus View Post
My invisible angels pull things to the ground. I think that's the way we set it up.
Thank you for your answer, my Lord!

I figured it was something simple and reasonable like this, rather than some demonic elementary messenger graviton invented to deny Your glory!
__________________


I Kings 7:23

And he made a moulten Sea, ten cubites from the one brim to the other: it was round all about, & his height was fiue cubits: and a line of thirtie cubites did compasse it round about.

New here? Desiring to be pleasing in the eyes of The Lord and His Followers?

Then do as directed by our esteemed Pastors and head on over to the Introductions subforum and make your first post there, friend. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus. Anything else you want to share with us about how Jesus has blessed you is welcomed too.

Are you a hater of God that believes He is a morally bankrupt monster? Read Why, you ask, is God so angry? to see that it is in fact you that is the monster that mercilessly and infinitely torments God.

Stop this relentless torturing of God and accept Jesus today!
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