The Landover Baptist Church Forum - Forums

A PSALM OF LAMENTATION UPON THE ELECTION OF THE UNGODLY

Levi Jones — Thu, 05 Nov 2026 23:44:59 GMT

Psalm 69:1–3 (KJV)

Save me, O God; for the waters are come in unto my soul.

I sink in deep mire, where there is no standing: I am come into deep waters, where the floods overflow me.

I am weary of my crying: my throat is dried: mine eyes fail while I wait for my God.

HOW LONG, O LORD?! HOW LONG MUST THE RIGHTEOUS ENDURE UNIVERSAL SUFFRAGE, MAIL-IN BALLOTS, AND THE ABOMINATION OF ALLOWING EVERY HEATHEN WITH A PULSE TO VOTE?!

You have blessed us, Oh Lord, with the ELECTORAL COLLEGE, yet the wicked demand that every vote be counted equally!

²¹They gave me also gall for my meat; and in my thirst they gave me vinegar to drink.

RETURN US TO THE CONSTITUTION, O LORD! NOT THE DEFILED DOCUMENT OF MODERN MAN, BUT THE GOD INSPIRED VERSION OF 1787!

LET THE STATE LEGISLATURES CHOOSE OUR SENATORS, AS THE FOUNDING FATHERS INTENDED!

CAST DOWN THE SEVENTEENTH AMENDMENT, THAT GREAT WHORE OF POPULAR SOVEREIGNTY!

does anyone here know the secrets to breathing fire?

AnnoyingRetard — Wed, 04 Nov 2026 18:41:51 GMT

or is this place just a bunch of Mafiosi who demand that you pay up protection money or else someone will make you sleep with the fishes?

The Election is not Over Until the DOJ Says It's Over

Johny Joe Hold — Tue, 03 Nov 2026 23:34:12 GMT

President Trump is a legal genius. He knows elections can be regulated by allowing ones that support him to stand and tossing out the others due to corruption in the voting. As I write this on election day, news casters are breathlessly talking about the huge turnout. They say the big turnout is happening because of voters' dislike of Trump.

Before we Republicans start worrying about the outcome, we need to remember the Department of Justice is now staffed by Trump-loyal lawyers and is
prowling for corruption in elections. Republican voters have been instructed to send pictures of corruption in Dem majority cities. We're going to see some unexpected but big Republican victories because of the DOJ.

There have been many pictures of President Trump praying during this campaign. What is he praying? He is giving thanks to Jesus for the DOJ.

stop worshipping G-d

AnnoyingRetard — Mon, 02 Nov 2026 01:55:39 GMT

Eru Ilúvatar can't create unconquered good because global warming and Elon Musk exists

Souls of Catholic Bishops Saved by Trump

Johny Joe Hold — Wed, 28 Oct 2026 03:42:11 GMT

There can be no doubt one's eternal life is determined by what he does while on earth. Normally, Catholic Bishops do not have a lot going for them. They mumble about Mary when they should be praising Jesus. President Trump offered several a chance to redeem themselves by inviting them to the Oval Office to discuss "issues of concern." At the end of their brief time with the President, his press rep asked them to circle behind the President and say a prayer for him. Flash bulbs went off and now the Bishops say they were unaware they would appear as endorsing the President. They are angry.

How ungrateful. The President gave them a chance to please Jesus by being in a picture praying for him.

Catholic bishops apologize after prayer over Trump goes public | Politics

Obama Must be Arrested by ICE

Johny Joe Hold — Sun, 25 Oct 2026 16:28:44 GMT

It was alarming to see liberals breaking the law to influence the outcome of the Midterms. Every U.S. citizen knows about the rule that applies to ex-presidents. They are not to criticize an existing President. You didn't see W. Bush making speeches criticizing Biden or Obama. W. Bush followed the rules. There were endless opportunities to ridicule Biden's Catholics and Obama's African Voo Doo but he held his nose and let the opportunities pass.

Yesterday, the crook Obama gave campaign speeches across the country for Demoncrats. Not only that, the speeches included severe criticism of our beloved President Trump. Trump accurately reported Obama's crowd was small. The liberal press lied and said the crowds were so big an overflow room was provided.

Trump has at his disposal a solution. It is called ICE. His troops can find Obama and put him under lock and key until after the election. The charge will be that Obama's speech did not follow the long-standing practice of past Presidents not criticizing current ones.

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/other...ds/ar-AA2g1q2r

Will Mr. Trump lower flag half mast for burning of Hitler's teahouse?

Madame Frottage — Sun, 25 Oct 2026 04:37:56 GMT

It's been reported that Eagles Nest, the former Alpine get away for Hitler was burned to the ground by a disgruntled arsonist. A shame. I remember visiting there in 1985 and enjoying a Dunkel and schnitzengruben on the Terrace. It made me think how wonderful it was that Mr Hitler's vision continues to bring joy to countless visitors. I'm sure it made Donald sad. Sure, Eagle's Nest is a but a gardener's shed compared to the gardener's shed at Mar-A-Largo, I'm sure though he can appreciate the sentiment and memory of the Third Reich.

Catholic Cross Kills Priest

Johny Joe Hold — Wed, 21 Oct 2026 20:11:53 GMT

God has found Catholics just don't get the message. He favors Baptists but Catholics keep trying to get in the door. That is why God sometimes practices tough-love.

In Ecuador, a priest was droning on with his mass when God had had enough. He dumped the church's cross on the head of the priest and killed him. I suppose people will say it was an accident or the cross had been improperly attached to something and it fell. Catholics should face the facts. I fell during mass. This has to mean God caused it. It should not take a PhD in religion to understand this happened because God wanted to send a message to all Catholics, REPENT NOW.

Priest dies after a wooden cross falls on him during a mass in Guayaquil

Religious Liberty Does Not Mean Other Religions

Johny Joe Hold — Wed, 21 Oct 2026 16:10:17 GMT

I was refreshing to read a lawyer-like article about the Satanist here in Iowa who want to have a display in the Iowa capitol just like Christians have a display. During the Christmas season, the Satanists want to put up their ugly display next to the beautiful plastic Baby Jesus. A good Christian destroyed it one year. The next year Governor Reynolds declined Satan's request because children visit the Capitol.

Lawyers like to use the term "common good." Satan is selfish and not for the common good. Jesus, on the other hand, told his 12 apostles to leave behind their wives and families and follow Him. This was not selfish. He needed traveling companions and help raising funds to keep up his preaching schedule. When it comes to religious liberty, I don't see how this can include anything but the work of Landover Baptist and Jesus.

The Limits of Religious Liberty - Breakpoint

Landover Baptist Will Win This Thing

Johny Joe Hold — Tue, 20 Oct 2026 20:33:09 GMT

I was excited to learn about a contest that Landover Baptist can enter and is a sure bet to win. Some outfit that studies and promotes media, Great America Media, will give an award to a church in a small American town for its Christmas Services and for its contribution to its community. The winner will receive national publicity and a lot of attention at Christmastime.

In preparing our application to win this award we can focus on Landover Baptist's war against sin. We can highlight the many times we have pointed a finger at those who sin. As to a contribution to the City of Freehold, Landover has eliminated sin and made Freehold the envy of cities around the world.

I assume that the award-winning city will have a lot of news coverage of its Christmas Eve ceremony. This will be perfect because Pastor Zeke's Christmas Eve sermons are among his best. He goes over the story of the manger where a couple in poverty, Mary and Joseph, became wealthy from gifts given by rich wise men. This year he can use that as a bridge to a nation-wide appeal to fund his new Airbus.

Pastor Zeke's Christmas sermon always includes pointing out the entire group in the manger, the Sheppards, the Wise Men and Joeseph were heterosexual men. Mary was there, of course, but that's not the point. There we no homers or trans present. The story of Jesus is a story about straight males.

I'm going to start working on our application today. Any suggestions are welcome.

Great American Media taking nominations for small-town churches | Church & Ministries

Women Must Take the Husband's Last Name

Johny Joe Hold — Mon, 19 Oct 2026 17:26:41 GMT

The sound values that lead to a happy life are being eroded daily. The latest is women who keep their own last name, or use it with a hyphen, instead of dropping their former family's name forever and placing themselves under the name of their husband. This rebellious practice is even being followed by women who claim to be Christian.

A household is a tiny company. Every company needs a President to run it. That's why the Bible instructs the man is to be in charge and the wife an employee. If this country is not properly organized from the family on up, we can expect nothing but chaos.

Should Christian wives take their husband’s last name?

I take deep faith in New Witchcraft

Madame Frottage — Sat, 17 Oct 2026 06:15:42 GMT

What not?

Gofuck yourself, Landover.

Fuck you and your lethargy.

Fuck you and Pistor Pistle, and Ezekiel who cannot complete a Quebec broad's purpose and depth.

Fuck your false Jesus.

Fuck you. Because I can. Merci.

When they named God, was oral sex involved?

Madame Frottage — Fri, 16 Oct 2026 16:08:14 GMT

1 In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. ²Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.

This is how the Bible opens, one could assume God named God, always is, always was. But respectfully, I've been around the block, and I have to glock, that single syllable is all too familiar to me, that one could assume when the name God was first uttered, Hagar tripped and fell unto a zizi and was gagged, and by the force, the name God was conceived, as his gag reflex activated. Now, there is a contradiction here, and that is the "d" at the end of the word. If this oral act did indeed name the almighty, that d sound is a closure movement and surely would have bit the zizi off. So perhaps this is a baseless conspiracy theory. Of course, someone like Hagar, sounds like the name of someone seasoned around the block, and makes a credible candidate for this proposal.

Merci for reading and your attention to this issue.

Execution Livestream Watch Party

WWJDnow — Wed, 14 Oct 2026 21:02:33 GMT

President Trump's Department of War will be livestreaming execution of the Fort Hood shooter, Nidal Hassan, by firing squad on December 3rd.

Let's not squander this opportunity to celebrate with our friends, families and neighbors as the United States Army delivers this murderous Muslim straight into Satan's fiery embrace with a volley of hot lead. I know that at my house we're going to be pulling out all the stops to make this the best execution party ever.

Our secret? The best damn ribs on the planet.

We Must Not Tolerate Fake Speaking in Togues

Johny Joe Hold — Wed, 14 Oct 2026 15:34:33 GMT

Those deep into the True Faith^TMcan spot an imposter from a mile away. Such an imposter is a person who gives the impression that they are hearing the Holy Spirit and speaking in tongues. Holy Spirit speaking in tongues is a force unique and recognizable. Fake is just babble.

A Christian sports writer correctly called out formers football star, Deion Sanders, who is not a coach for fake speaking in tongues. Good for this Christian and rebuke of Coach Sanders.

Jason Whitlock claims Deion Sanders pretended to speak in tongues | Sports

She speaks in Tongues for the first time