The Landover Baptist Church Forum - Forums

Pope Leo Needs to Apologize to Trump

Johny Joe Hold — Sat, 18 Apr 2026 02:51:14 GMT

I could hardly believe what I was seeing when my TV news told that Pope Leo was not backing down after criticizing President Trump. Leo had said God does not favor some wars and the Pope implied God might not approve bombing Iran to rubble. After being told to stay out of politics, the Pope should have apologized. He did not. The Pope needs to apologize and hold a mass honoring President Trump and endorsing the leveling Iran.

Pope doubles down on peace and unity message as Trump's criticism continues

Would u get raid by the popo 4 Jesus????

Q.Ponce Frottage — Fri, 17 Apr 2026 02:53:24 GMT

Well Holy Hozannnah....

The 5-O raid moi bed chambre, no Bible verse can covey this...except....MAYBE???

They took my gun...and my humanity...I relinquish (Black baby name???) no foreskin for Satan, yet they took that out the rubbish bin and ran a DNA sample for SATAN. They found some smelly French sin!!! Little creepy crabs running up n down the folds...

Now...I"m no genius....Hell...I'm a simple servant of Amazon delivering Bibles to little brown babies by the mama side of their boulevardaise sauce.

Oh hell nah....don't tell me this ain't the work of no morphine. I am dyin' biches.

Should Christians Support Gerrymanding

Johny Joe Hold — Wed, 15 Apr 2026 16:12:56 GMT

This is normally a deep topic relegated to we professional politicians, but God had instructions for all Christians. As background we start with Deuteronomy 1:13. There God tells us Choose your tribe wisely. God here instructs us to elect Republicans. To follow His instructions, we need majorities. In the U.S. system that means majorities in districts that select legislators in states and across the U.S. in House districts.

With Republicans in most states and in the House they have been able to draw lines in ways that elect more Republicans. It goes under the name redistricting or Gerrymandering. Now that Demoncrats are gaining majorities in some places they are drawing new lines. The link author, a fine Republican, points out how unfair this is.

Demoncrats must be stopped from Gerrymandering because it violated God's Law in Deuteronomy 1:13. The link below points out the unfair way Demoncrats are packing votes from cities into districts and taking majorities away from Christian rural areas. We need to use God's Name and stop this.

https://spectator.org/gerrymandering...of-big-cities/

I may be possessed by a demon. HELP!

Q.Ponce Frottage — Tue, 14 Apr 2026 18:13:49 GMT

As I wither away in Notre Madre de Tristes Hospital from my pesky rabies, I fear I've been possessed by a demon! I awoke one night and heard a shriek! It was inhuman sounding, like maybe a raccoon, but it sounded like it came from inside the hospital ward. I shrugged it off and went to sleep, and then last night, I opened my mouth suddenly and let out an agonizing howl. Maybe some air in my belly dislodged and I had to burp, it didn't sound like one though. This must be a demon! Even as I write this, the demonic entity could be recalibrating my internal hardwiring, so please be careful!

Vice President JD Vance Has Failed President Trump

Johny Joe Hold — Mon, 13 Apr 2026 14:14:59 GMT

The latest failure is JD Vance returning from negotiations with nothing from Iran. President Trump sent JD there to get Iran's oil and uranium. He was supposed humiliate the Muslims. He brought gifts of Trump enterprises Bibles with Trump's autograph. He came home with empty pockets.

Vance should have said to the Iranians, "Hand over the uranium and oil or President Trump will be very angry." He could have added that Pete Hagseth will be angry too.

JD Vance has so many things going against him I don't see a future. He is a Catholic. That's a mistake. Then there is the wife, Usha. She is of another race and not a Christian.

Maybe it's under-the-bus-time for Vance.

Vance says no agreement reached with Iran after marathon talks in Islamabad - ABC News

Pastor Uses a Horse Whip, Jesus Used a Bull Whip

Johny Joe Hold — Sun, 12 Apr 2026 04:14:50 GMT

Those of us who read the Bible know Jesus used a bullwhip on the money changers in the temple. That's why I object to a church in Cincinnati that reprimanded it pastor for using a horse whip on a church member. Some churches need more Bible study.

Pastor Brian Tome suspended after horse whip investigation | Church & Ministries

long live boss baby coffin

travis touchdown — Fri, 10 Apr 2026 19:24:36 GMT

no more heroes am I right

travis touchdown — Fri, 10 Apr 2026 19:11:54 GMT

something something NMH2

Have I Told You How Much I Hate Atheists?

Johny Joe Hold — Thu, 09 Apr 2026 21:20:22 GMT

The latest trick Satan is having atheists play on Christians is to hire actresses and pay them to pretend they have lost Jesus. One in particular was brought to my attention. We know she is not an actual atheist because she is not ugly like the witches we see around fires. She talks about perfectly good Christian practices as if there is something strange about them. What's strange is this woman denying Jesus for a little bit of money.

My Pastor Prayed for WHAT to Grow Back?! 5 Weird Stories from my Charismatic Christian Days

NASA "Anus-nauts" Hug in Space For Entire World to See

handmaiden — Thu, 09 Apr 2026 11:15:04 GMT

Thank Jesus, President Trump won the war over Iran so now he can deal with NASA and its perversions.

Yeah, like I really believe that one of those guys had a "wife".

I contacted rabies, doc says I'm homophobic

Q.Ponce Frottage — Wed, 01 Apr 2026 20:15:54 GMT

I was visiting my Cousin Gertie in the back bush of the Gatineau when I went out to the jerry in the middle of a night and a crazy raccoon was hiding in the hole and jumped up and bit me on the wangdoodle! It hurt like Jezebel and I was immediately rushed to the hospital where I put under emergency watch for rabies. The doctor told me I was homophobic which apparently is a symptom of rabies. He was clearly a fag since he wears a jewelled earring and spiked his hair with bleach tips, and said I was getting aggressive when he tried examining me and that resisting him won't be tolerated. It's really awful! I keep puking and passing out, and there's all this sticky white stuff on my lips when I come to!
I need emergency help! I might not survive and I'm trapped here with a gay doctor who may be giving me too much morphine.

Autism: The New Gay - College Liberals Ditch “Trans” for “Retarded” in Latest Desperate Bid to Offend God

Randy Green — Mon, 30 Mar 2026 15:29:36 GMT

In what experts are calling “the most pathetic cry for attention since men started wearing dresses and demanding tampons,” America’s college campuses have officially moved on from the tired old “trans” phase. The hot new identity is autism - and not the real kind that used to keep kids from talking until Jesus saved them. No, this is the fun, self-diagnosed, “I’m just a little quirky and can’t make eye contact during your sermon” kind.

Professor Reginald T. Fenster, the very man who helped turn autism from “that quiet kid who eats paste” into a sprawling rainbow-colored spectrum of 47,000 official traits, has now thrown in the towel. In a stunning interview in last week's The Chronicle of Secular Darwinism, Fenster admitted:

“So many characteristics are now linked to autism that the diagnosis is no longer useful. At this point, every college sophomore who prefers texting to eye contact, owns more than three weighted blankets, and gets the icks from fluorescent lighting is officially autistic. We’ve basically pathologized being a whiny little weirdo.”

Campus sources confirm the trend exploded the moment the last “they/them” pronoun badge lost its social cachet.

“First it was edgy to be gay,” said Atheist University sophomore Caleb McPherson. “Then lesbian chic. Then you had to chop something off to stay cool. Now? You just say ‘I’m autistic’ and suddenly you get extra time on exams, a service dog that doesn’t have to be a real dog, and the moral high ground to tell your parents they’re ‘ableist’ for asking why you won’t mow the lawn. It’s genius.”

McPherson added that the new game is “autism one-upmanship.”

“Last week Stacy claimed she’s ‘level 2’ because she can’t handle small talk at the dining hall. So I went full ‘level 3’ and started rocking in the library while humming the VeggieTales theme. Got my own quiet room and everything. Even the gays wish they still had this kind of pull.”

University of Michigan’s Office of Neurodiversity and Microaggressions Against the Holy Spirit has already issued new guidelines: students may now identify as “autistic,” “AuDHD,” “autistic-adjacent,” or the coveted “autistic but only on Wednesdays.” Special “sensory-friendly” safe spaces stocked with fidget spinners and gluten-free communion wafers have replaced the old rainbow-flag lounges.

A leaked internal memo from the college’s Diversity, Equity, and Demonic Influence Department reads in part: “We must center the voices of those who stim. Also, anyone who still believes in binary gender is literally causing meltdowns in the autistic community. Pray for them? No. Accommodate them. With taxpayer money.”

Local pastor and father of four, Reverend Jedidiah Parklands of the First Baptist Church of Holy Brimstone, summed up the Christian response:

“Used to be these kids just wanted to sodomize each other in the dorms. Now they want to pretend they’re retarded so they don’t have to read Scripture or hold down a job. It’s the ultimate slap in the face to the God who fearfully and wonderfully made them - and who definitely did not make them ‘neurodivergent.’

“If you can’t look your mother in the eye or sit still during a two-hour revival, maybe the problem isn’t a ‘spectrum.’ Maybe it’s sin. But sure, go ahead and get your little blue puzzle-piece sticker. Satan loves a good trend.”

Fenster, the professor who started it all, concluded his interview with a warning that has sent shockwaves through every gender-studies department in the country:

“At this rate, by 2030 the only people not diagnosed with autism will be the ones too autistic to fill out the paperwork. And then what? We’ll have to invent a whole new disorder just so the cool kids have something fresh to be oppressed by.”

Honestly? Does anyone not miss the days when ‘special’ just meant you rode the short bus and everybody knew it. At least back then nobody called it ‘pride.'

God-hating Israel forbids Christians to visit the Holy Sepulchre

Romeo Rovagnati — Mon, 30 Mar 2026 10:30:24 GMT

Of course this was something to expect from the merchant regime who refuse to ask God forgiveness for killing his only son.

Israeli police bar top Catholic figure in Jerusalem from holding Palm Sunday Mass at Holy Sepulchre

Shame on Nentanjoo for not doing anything over the disrespect towards the Patriarch of Jerusalem.

The Final Solution to Cure American Faggotry

Q.Ponce Frottage — Sat, 28 Mar 2026 20:34:30 GMT

This is a tentative soft pitch to Landover Baptist Church. I know I'm a Quebecois, outsider, a renegade - but we have something in common. We recognize the sickness that is homosexuality that's poisoned a Godly nation. And God spoke to me, and gave this idea so crazy it just might work. For the next Pride, Landover should host a massive revival meeting that will draw faggots all over the nation to come. Of course, we can build a decoy town next to Freehold so that we don't actually have to have the gays come onto the church property which would be really disgusting. Once all the homers come pouring in, we distract them with a floor show and drag reading. As they enter the main hall, they are issued a butt plug seemingly to entice their sick pleasures, but once inserted in the anus, will issue a non-fatal shock to buzz in the Lord's Glory and intercept demons, and will shake it all out. We'll need volunteers in the congretation to step up the plate for the most important task - a drag show. I know Landover has really brave men like Mayor Joe Hold, Cranky Old Man, BrotherLarry who I'm sure will don wigs, lipstick, fishnets and satin garters with big frilly bows if it was for the Lord's Work. Once the geys are fully distracted, the real purpose will reveal - Sister Isabella can come out and sit in a rocking chair and read scripture, warn of the firey Hell that awaits them should they continue this deathstyle. We can have some really cool pyromatics to demonstrate this. It will be a really moving display, once its over, the once-homers will exit fully humbled by what they witnessed and will set forth as heterosexual men who will start families and contribute to keeping America great!

What do you think??

War with Iran: Sorcery is to Blame!

Jeb Stuart Thurmond — Mon, 23 Mar 2026 15:36:46 GMT

Why are we attacking Iran? Why are we attacking Iran now? As in, why now instead of 47 years ago, when the war actually began?

To understand why we've ended up in this situation, you need to understand the people who have been running the West all this time: the Epstein Class, aka the Professional-Managerial Class, aka the Symbolic Capitalists.

They live in a world where with the right words they can get whatever they want.

Say the correct incantations, get the results you want. The incantations don't even have to make any sense! "Abara Cadabara" and "there are 300 genders, trust the science" means the exact same thing: "I memorized the incantation, now you have to give me the goodies."

If you are charismatic and manipulative enough, and can keep saying the correct incantations while keeping a straight face, you're a wiz-kid. A wizard.

You get the diplomas, the degrees, and promotions, the power, the money, the women, just by saying the correct incantations with the right tone of voice.

So now you're controlling the foreign policy of the West, and our enemies decide that the West is run by 90-pound pencil-necks. So they come over to steal our lunch money.

What to do? The Epstein Class don't like the military, the military is filled with people who are the opposite of the Epstein Class. In the military people do physical things and are actually held accountable, to the point of dying brutal deaths if they mess up.

So the Epstein Class says they have something that does the exact same job as the military, only better. They call it "Negotiation" but obviously they don't mean that. Negotiation just means splitting the difference, meeting people half-way, and we could have done that 47 years ago. "Oh, you want Death To America and Death To The Jews? Okay, We'll get Auschwitz running at half-capacity and nuke every town east of the Mississippi river. Best Friends Forever?"

So when the Epstein Class says "negotiation" they actually mean "I will say magical incantations, and then the universe will give me stuff." If that sounds absurd, it shouldn't, because their entire life trajectory has proved to them that the universe really does work that way!

And when the incantations don't work, there's always a Plan B: throw Daddy's Money at the problem.

So Bill Clinton's "negotiations" with North Korea resulted in a deal where we give North Korea lots of money, and then North Korea totally gives us a pinkie promise to not make nukes before making nukes.

Then Obama's "negotiations" with Iran resulted in a deal where Iran gets lots of money, and then Iran totally gives us a pinkie promise to not do October 7th before doing October 7th.

So now we've got an Iran which builds 100 ballistic missiles a month and has the ability to build nukes if we get distracted for two weeks. Maybe for a few billion dollars we can negotiate them down to building 50 missiles per month and filling them with nerve gas?

No more. The incantations have failed for 47 years. Finally someone figured out that you might not be interested in physical reality, but physical reality is interested in you.

Note: of course prayer is also about saying the right words in order to get certain results from the universe, but it's different, for reasons I'm not going to go into here.