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  • Cranky Old Man
    Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah
    You kids get off his lawn!
     
    • Jan 2010
    • 22373

    #1

    Eastwooding with Jesus Christ!

    Eastwooding with Jesus Christ!

    Yesterday Clint Eastwood made me proud to be a Republican by showing America how Obama destroyed America. Since Obama, who we all know to be a coward, refused to face Eastwood, Clint used an empty chair instead. Not much of a difference as Obama would have been unable to talk after Clint's great speech anyway. Also this enriched the American language with a new word: Eastwooding. Making your point by talking to an empty chair. Twotter, or whatever they call it, seems to be full of it.

    I am very glad this happened as I am certain it will put a rest to people mocking me for using an empty chair to talk to Jesus Christ. I have been doing this for years now and keep getting insulted for it. I hope it is now finally clear that I am not a senile crazy old man yelling at a chair, but a visionary! I am certain from now on everyone will start talking to empty chairs to make their point.

    Clint vs Obama:


    The chair I use for Eastwooding with Jesus Christ:


    The Nazi liberal media mocking Clint Eastwood:
    5 Reasons why GOD HATES WOMEN!
    To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
    James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
  • Felicity
    As pure and virginal as the driven snow.
    True Christian™
    • Apr 2010
    • 4834

    #2
    Re: Eastwooding with Jesus Christ!

    I just told my empty Jesus chair I love Him. Then I got on my knees and kissed the chair's legs.
    I Jesus!

    Comment

    • Dr Laurence Niles
      Psychotheological Analyst Therapist
       
      • Jan 2012
      • 9063

      #3
      Re: Eastwooding with Jesus Christ!

      The next time I have a gap between patients I will make use of the empty chair to let my thoughts be known.

      YIC
      Last edited by Professor Bessemer; 08-31-2012, 04:19 PM. Reason: Fixed typo in the name of the Lord.
      1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

      Revelation 22:15 For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.

      Leviticus 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.

      Comment

      • Ezekiel Bathfire
        Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
        Christ's Rottweiler
         
        • Jan 2008
        • 22884

        #4
        Re: Eastwooding with Jesus Christ!

        It's all symbolic, metaphorical, if you will. It is OK to symbolize Obama by an empty chair as, all things considered, the man has done nothing.

        However, when it comes to Jesus, there MUST be something there - a sheep (symbolizing the Lamb of God) is not too convenient. I tried this some time back; a table was broken and the damn thing half ate a cushion.

        Graven images are for pagans and catlix, so they're out. I suggest an empty suit that captures how God "reclothes us in our rightful minds"* and is invisible.

        I can think of no more sensible way of having a conversation with The Almighty.

        *

        Dear Lord And Father Of Mankind Hymn

        Dear Lord and Father of mankind,
        Forgive our foolish ways!
        Re-clothe us in our rightful mind,
        In purer lives thy service find,
        In deeper reverence praise.



        and for some guidance I found this sermon: http://www.welwyn.org.uk/index.php?o...mons&Itemid=82

        (There's some fluffy-bunniness about it as it is C of E but the sentiment is there.)
        sigpic


        “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

        Author of such illuminating essays as,
        Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

        Comment

        • Brother Helge
          True Christian™
          True Christian™
          • Jan 2010
          • 1074

          #5
          Re: Eastwooding with Jesus Christ!

          Originally posted by Ezekiel Bathfire View Post
          However, when it comes to Jesus, there MUST be something there - a sheep (symbolizing the Lamb of God) is not too convenient. I tried this some time back; a table was broken and the damn thing half ate a cushion.

          Graven images are for pagans and catlix, so they're out. I suggest an empty suit that captures how God "reclothes us in our rightful minds"* and is invisible.
          What about an inflatable sheep?

          "And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free."
          John 8:32

          Comment

          • Titus Templeton
            Director of the German "Holy-caust" Evangelical Crusade
            Jesus macht frei
            True Christian™
            • Aug 2010
            • 5912

            #6
            Re: Eastwooding with Jesus Christ!

            Eastwood would easily beat Obama in a duel. He has Jesus on his side.
            -The Parable of the white laundry and the black man
            -Scientific proof that GAY SEX IS UNHYGIENIC!
            -Holocaust Jokes
            -Diarrhea: The Va​ginal Lubrication of the Homosexuals
            -Anne Frank vs. Adolf Hitler: Who was the worse person?
            -10 Reasons why GOD HATES FRANCE!
            -5 Reasons why GOD HATES LEAGUE OF LEGENDS!
            -Today I am declaring War against Woman's Rights!

            Comment

            • Pastor Ezekiel
              Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
               
              • Sep 2006
              • 78556

              #7
              Re: Eastwooding with Jesus Christ!

              I have it on good authority that President Romney is planning on putting Clint Eastwood in charge of the U.S. military.

              All of our foreign problems will soon be over.
              Who Will Jesus Damn?

              Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

              Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

              Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

              Comment

              • Bobby-Joe
                Landover Security Superviser
                Asset Loss Prevention and Personal Security Expert
                NOT angry and positively NOT Gay
                True Christian™
                • Sep 2006
                • 18405

                #8
                Re: Eastwooding with Jesus Christ!

                I noticed that Obama couldn't be bothered to say anything the whole time Eastwood was talking. Obama is just stuck up. Nothing like Jesus.

                Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

                Hot Must ReadThreads!


                Time to come clean on Benghazi Mr Obama!

                Comment

                • Capt. Aaron Portway
                  One of the Lord's Airborne Rangers
                  Salvation from Above
                  God's Favorite Pilot™
                  True Christian™
                  • Sep 2008
                  • 6309

                  #9
                  Re: Eastwooding with Jesus Christ!

                  My favorite part of that great speech by Brother Eastwood was when he opened up a can of whoop-ass on that stupid Obama chair and blamed him for his war in Afghanistan.

                  Originally posted by The Godly Clint Eastwood, Arguing with an Empty Chair that was a Stand-in for that Warmonger President Obama, on Live Television

                  I know you were against the war in Iraq, and that’s okay. But you thought the war in Afghanistan was OK. You know, I mean — you thought that was something worth doing. We didn’t check with the Russians to see how they did it — they did theirs for 10 years.

                  But we did it, and it is something to be thought about, and I think that, when we get to maybe — I think you’ve mentioned something about having a target date for bringing everybody home. You gave that target date, and I think Mr. Romney asked the only sensible question, you know, he says, “Why are you giving the date out now? Why don’t you just bring them home tomorrow morning?”
                  See that? He speaks the truth from his heart! The DEMONcrats are the ones to blame for our soldiers getting blown up in Afghanistan.
                  The Republucans just want to bring them home!
                  sigpic


                  Winging our Way Across the World for The Lord!



                  God Bless John Boehner and God Bless the Grand Old Party!



                  Barack Hussein Obama is not My President!!!

                  Comment

                  • Rev. M. Rodimer
                    Honorary True Christian™
                    Forum Member
                    • May 2008
                    • 13996

                    #10
                    Re: Eastwooding with Jesus Christ!

                    Originally posted by Brother Helge View Post
                    What about an inflatable sheep?

                    That would represent the entire audience at the coming Demoncratic National Coven, wouldn't it?
                    Bible boring? Nonsense!
                    Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
                    You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!

                    Comment

                    • tom kinight
                      Unsaved trash, filthy blasphemous foreigner
                      • Mar 2012
                      • 123

                      #11
                      Re: Eastwooding with Jesus Christ!

                      re you fucking KIDDING ME!!!...How the HELL was Obama supposed to "face Eastwood" at a REPUBLICAN NATIONAL CONVENTION?....you are absolutely NUTS...Eastwood made a bigger fool out of himself than I already thought he waqs politically....He is a GREAT "actoor" and he was simply "acting" then...politically, he is a clown just a s YOU are a clown politically. Obama hasn't "destroyed" anything!1!.....you are simply parroting your Faux News buddies and your idols like Limpdick and Glenn Peckerhead

                      Comment

                      • Didymus Much
                        Unsaved trash, Arrogant Atheist Dick
                        • Jun 2010
                        • 14079

                        #12
                        Re: Eastwooding with Jesus Christ!

                        Originally posted by tom kinight View Post
                        ...[FONT=Comic Sans MS]...
                        TCS*;dr.




                        *too comic sans

                        Comment

                        • Cranky Old Man
                          Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah
                          You kids get off his lawn!
                           
                          • Jan 2010
                          • 22373

                          #13
                          Re: Eastwooding with Jesus Christ!

                          Originally posted by tom kinight View Post
                          How the HELL was Obama supposed to "face Eastwood" at a REPUBLICAN NATIONAL CONVENTION?
                          So you are confirming what I already said, Obama is a coward. We don't want a coward for president!
                          5 Reasons why GOD HATES WOMEN!
                          To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
                          James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."

                          Comment

                          • Bobby-Joe
                            Landover Security Superviser
                            Asset Loss Prevention and Personal Security Expert
                            NOT angry and positively NOT Gay
                            True Christian™
                            • Sep 2006
                            • 18405

                            #14
                            Re: Eastwooding with Jesus Christ!

                            Originally posted by Cranky Old Man View Post
                            So you are confirming what I already said, Obama is a coward. We don't want a coward for president!
                            Well that's what you get when you elect an attorney as president.

                            Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

                            Hot Must ReadThreads!


                            Time to come clean on Benghazi Mr Obama!

                            Comment

                            • Pastor Ezekiel
                              Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
                               
                              • Sep 2006
                              • 78556

                              #15
                              Re: Eastwooding with Jesus Christ!

                              Originally posted by Bobby-Joe View Post
                              Well that's what you get when you elect an attorney as president.
                              Wait a minute...How could Obama be an attorney? He's a nigra.
                              Who Will Jesus Damn?

                              Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                              Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                              Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                              Comment

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