[BrotherLarry]

Re: Do Crayons Have to be Shaped Like a Penis?

Both crayons and penises are disgusting to me - or at least sources of terrible childhood memories. I will share why crayons bring me such pain - I won't share why penises do. Not now. Maybe another day when I'm ready.


When I was a boy, we weren't allowed to bring our own crayons to school. We were supposed to learn how to share by using the classroom's crayons. You always had to be fast or the other kids would get the best colors. You know, periwinkle, cornflower, and red.


I remember having to color my Christmas present for mom and dad (A Santa Claus portrait) using burnt sienna and carnation pink. Mom thought I was a homo, dad didn't care for my art projects so I don't know if he ever saw it - but I just know they spoke of it in hushed tones when they thought I was asleep. I still remember the look of horror on mom's face when she saw Santa's burnt sienna beard and carnation pink suit. I won't soon get over that.


COME LORD JESUS!
BrotherLarry

[Anne Sayne]

Re: Do Crayons Have to be Shaped Like a Penis?

They're CRAYANGLES, dydimis. Can't you read?

[Didymus Much]

Re: Do Crayons Have to be Shaped Like a Penis?

Crayons have no place in the Sayne household! I still remember when George went to the store and came back with these:

OK, so let's parse this trainwreck of thought:

1) Your husband brings home crayons, so obviously he wants crayons in his household.

2) You claim that crayons have no place in his household.

Just how are you showing obedience to his wishes, as the Bible says Jesus says you should?

After you're done trying to twist your way out of that, please read the thread again, and you'll notice (well, probably not, but giving the benefit of the doubt here) that NO ONE IS OBJECTING TO CRAYONS per se, just crayons shaped like penises.

Oh, and great job finding the yugest, blurriest pic possible. I'm sure that everyone just loooooves having to sidescroll constantly in order to read posts that now extend well off-screen, thanks to you.

[Anne Sayne]

Re: Do Crayons Have to be Shaped Like a Penis?

Crayons have no place in the Sayne household! I still remember when George went to the store and came back with these:

[handmaiden]

Re: Do Crayons Have to be Shaped Like a Penis?

In the interests of of keeping our hearts and minds on things that are near and dear to Jesus, I would like to caution all True Christians(tm) that some standard swivel-up lipsticks can be worn down from use into phallus-like shapes with a --ahem--blunted tip.


Interestingly, however, this does not happen all the time. Some women wear down their lipsticks into a flat, fairly sharp-edged shape. These, one can only assume, are decent-minded women who are not comfortable with blunt-tipped anythings near their mouths.


So, Brothers in Christ, if you are seeking a wife, take the opportunity to see how your prospective bride applies lipstick or lip balm and note carefully the sort of shape she wears the product down to. You will know to avoid the sort of female who carefully caresses her lip products into a blunted shape.


Now harkening back to the issue of crayon colors.

I remember when there was the crayon color "flesh". I imagine it was very useful for coloring the skin of white people, but, of course, people whose skin color didn't coincide with the flesh crayon caused an uproar and the company changed the name.

The plain fact is that flesh and skin are really two different things. Human skin tones do differ depending on the sins of one's ancestors and the degree of God's favor.


However, human flesh, devoid of skin, is a remarkably consistent, rather lurid shade of pink-red when still pulsing with blood. After the drainage of such fluids, the color ranges more or less in tune with the shade of crayon formerly known as "flesh".* Therefore, no possible offense should be taken with that particular product designation.


Indian red is another former color name that has been discarded, and frankly, I feel that it was a misnomer based on lack of accurate observation. The skin tone of many so-called "Native Americans" is closer in hue to orange than out-right red. Therefore, a muted orange shade should have been designated as the color of choice when filling in cheerful scenes of Indians receiving the generous charity of warm, small-pox infested blankets and the like.


Also, it would take at least three different shades of Mulatto brown to do justice to coloring in charming pictures of the gracious antebellum South. But I suppose they could be named Mulatto, Quadroon and Octoroon.


Isn't precision a truly delightful thing? God was so careful in making His distinctions among all living things, when we do so, I am sure that it honors Him.


Demarcationingly Yours,


Handmaiden


* Don't ask.

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Do Crayons Have to be Shaped Like a Penis?

I vote for Biblical inspired colors.

Happily there is a competition with a lovely prize and still room for contributions, supported by Scripture please, HERE

[VictoryOS]

Re: Do Crayons Have to be Shaped Like a Penis?

Sister Daisy, How frightening is that? I had no idea. It gives me shivers just thinking about it. Surely the time is near for the Return of our Beautiful Savior, Christ the Lord.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Do Crayons Have to be Shaped Like a Penis?

It is a disgusting travesty. No wonder so many people are going to hell.

Oh, you know that, Sister! That is why so many volcanos have been going off lately. is positively overflowing with so many damned souls that it literally cannot contain them any more. Now they are SPEWING out into our atmosphere! That is also why there is such an uptick in crime and sin. Damned souls are roaming the Earth.

[Sister Sally Bate]

Re: Do Crayons Have to be Shaped Like a Penis?

This is so true. It makes you wonder how many people Hell can hold. Must be crowded down there!

That's why there is a stairway to heaven but a highway to hell. Only the pious folk make it up there. The rest BURN.

[VictoryOS]

Re: Do Crayons Have to be Shaped Like a Penis?

It is a disgusting travesty. No wonder so many people are going to hell.

This is so true. It makes you wonder how many people Hell can hold. Must be crowded down there!

[Sister Sally Bate]

Re: Do Crayons Have to be Shaped Like a Penis?

It is a disgusting travesty. No wonder so many people are going to hell.

[Jim C. Lombardo]

Re: Do Crayons Have to be Shaped Like a Penis?

Maybe we can mix all the colors together and create a sort of gray.

Pardon me for saying this Brother, but that sounds about as fun as an old school marm.

I vote for Biblical inspired colors.

Slain-Savior Sanguine
Canaanite Nigra Black

Those two colors alone would suffice for a real work of art

[Levi Jones]

Re: Do Crayons Have to be Shaped Like a Penis?

I would like to see us melt down all the Crayons in the children's wing into something like this, but less faggy. Maybe we can mix all the colors together and create a sort of gray.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Do Crayons Have to be Shaped Like a Penis?

Those homer crayons is why Jesus gets mad when he hears about local drives to give school supplies to kids from poor families. They are nothing but homer recruiting programs.

[Phalanx]

Re: Do Crayons Have to be Shaped Like a Penis?

The OP has obviously never seen a penis. I guess you guys had better keep your kids away from pencils, pens, flashlights, table legs, chair legs, carrots, cucumbers, pickles, bananas, oh and don't let them see the shifter in your car, all those object slightly resemble penises.

And don't let the little kiddies handle a rifle, God knows where they may stick that!!!!