[EUSOUDEUS]

Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

That's a very valid point Mrs Roberts.
I remember one time when my dear departed husband was alive.
There was a loud scream from the Bathroom.
My poor husband had somehow slipped on some soap in the shower, and fell backwards on to one of these Demonic Cucumbers (which just happened to be pointing upright).
It took a team of Surgeons quite some time to remove it.
We never had Cucumber sandwiches again, after that day.
I think he re-lived it several times.

Is this for real? A cucumber in the bathroom, pointing upright? Really?
You husband was putting a cucumber up his ass. He was probably gay.

[dicker]

Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

Logically then, if we find something supernaturally created for purpose of self sodomy, we have proved God existence. I am asserting cucumbers at that thing.

Logic has nothing to do with anything you say, basically, you are asserting it, it's your theory and you are just one person out of many.
It's not in your precious scripture (Why would God ever say something so stupid?) so there's no real 'proof' of it.
I think most people would laugh in the face of anyone who tried to claim this was true with a straight face.

It's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard, also one of the funniest, guess that's why I keep coming back for more

Praise the great one

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

How can you prove or disprove such a stupid theory?

God made cucumbers to test us? lol, it's pretty funny to be honest.

I think you flip a coin, if it's heads, then God did it, if it's tails, Satan made it.

God made cucumbers to tempt us.
Satan made women's orgasms.
blah blah, blah

Again you missed my point; what other deity, except God as described in The Bible, is obsessed with what people put up their backsides? Only the Christian God will damn people for putting something up their butts. Show me any other god who destroyed two who cities for sodomy, except for God.

Logically then, if we find something supernaturally created for purpose of self sodomy, we have proved God existence. I am asserting cucumbers at that thing.

[Redeemed Papist]

Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

For what reason do we need to test a theory based on the Bible?

[dicker]

Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

How can you prove or disprove such a stupid theory?

God made cucumbers to test us? lol, it's pretty funny to be honest.

I think you flip a coin, if it's heads, then God did it, if it's tails, Satan made it.

God made cucumbers to tempt us.
Satan made women's orgasms.

Could quite have easily been Satan made cucumbers to tempt us to poke up our butts cos they are perfect for it.
God gave women orgasms to test us.

Look up racist in a dictionary, maybe they'll be a little photo of you, you all hate everyone! use words like slope, spic, yellow chink, the list goes on.

" the only reason anyone would bother being an athiest is to have ass sex. Why would God bother testing the Chines when they scream it the heavens every day of the week they want ass sex?"

Please provide a list of countries that are worthy of being tested by God and therefore have been provided with adequately shaped nicely textured cucumbers. I'm sure by your strict standards no country other than america would qualify so why bother testing any other countries?

Last point, disprove your theory?

You mean the one based on the fact it is possible to put a certain veggie up your butt? lol, can't believe i'm bothering but here goes....

cucumber is not only long veggie, also carrot, also fruits, bananas are pretty long. There's a varied range of shapes and sizes, some happen to be long.
Are other things that are long also intended for the same thing? How about a pen? pretty slim shape, perfect for the virgin who isn't ready to build up to the cucumber just yet. How about dildos and vibrators?
Did God make all these things for the same reason?
This topic is such an obvious trolling but I can't help coming back for more lol

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

Actually Homosexuality is frowned upon here by most, quite racist as well towards black people (I'm sure you'd get along if you gave them the chance ;-) )

Why would a Christian like me associate with racists?

The story I spoke of happened in England so it blows your theory out the window I'm afraid.

No, not in the lest. The English eat cucumber sandwiches. Think about it.

As for China, the FACTS speak for themselves; China is a communist country, as in Atheist, the only reason anyone would bother being an athiest is to have ass sex. Why would God bother testing the Chines when they scream it the heavens every day of the week they want ass sex?

And anyway, why test other countries with cucumbers and just not China?
America is God's favourite country, surely they don't need testing? I fact I reckon other countries around the world also only have unpokable cucumbers for sale, perhaps you guys should organise a road trip and truly find out what countries God finds worthy of testing and those he has already forsaken.

You're still avoid the basic point of my arguement because you are some nimrod who thinks he's a wit. How do you get cucumbers that are suitable for bottom bothering without the Hand of God? That some cucumbers aren't suitable is really besides the point.

the TL: DR version: show me how nature makes cucumbers the size of dildos.

[dicker]

Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

I guess you just summed up the state of Chine morality here. Not much of reason for God to test the Chines for latent homosexuality when all God has to do is look into the restroom stall of the nearest bar?

Actually Homosexuality is frowned upon here by most, quite racist as well towards black people (I'm sure you'd get along if you gave them the chance ;-) )

The story I spoke of happened in England so it blows your theory out the window I'm afraid.

And anyway, why test other countries with cucumbers and just not China?
America is God's favourite country, surely they don't need testing?

In fact I reckon other countries around the world also only have unpokable cucumbers for sale, perhaps you guys should organise a road trip and truly find out what countries God finds worthy of testing and those he has already forsaken.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

hey everyone,

not sure about this cucumber theory, I think God is a question of faith for most people, here's the confusion for me:

I read this post yesterday and happened to be grocery shopping today with my girlfriend.
I live in China and the cucumbers here are definitely not suited for poking up your butt, very rough with lots of bumps on them, you'd seriously have to be a sadist to even attempt it!
So that kinda throws a spanner in the works, I think queershave all the temptation they need poking it up other queers buttholes without having to resort to cucumbers.
Most gays I've met have been very promiscious (At an old job one guy told some of the office girls how he had sex in the toilet in a bar with some random guy whilst his boyfriend was outside) so unless they are housebound probably could find someone to carry out their ungodly pursuits

I guess you just summed up the state of Chine morality here. Not much of reason for God to test the Chines for latent homosexuality when all God has to do is look into the restroom stall of the nearest bar?

[dicker]

Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

hey everyone,

not sure about this cucumber theory, I think God is a question of faith for most people, here's the confusion for me:

I read this post yesterday and happened to be grocery shopping today with my girlfriend.
I live in China and the cucumbers here are definitely not suited for poking up your butt, very rough with lots of bumps on them, you'd seriously have to be a sadist to even attempt it!
So that kinda throws a spanner in the works, I think queershave all the temptation they need poking it up other queers buttholes without having to resort to cucumbers.
Most gays I've met have been very promiscious (At an old job one guy told some of the office girls how he had sex in the toilet in a bar with some random guy whilst his boyfriend was outside) so unless they are housebound probably could find someone to carry out their ungodly pursuits

[FirstLaw]

Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

Hello every one and good day
I have a question, forgive me for not understanding your argument my friend.
But i do need further explanation, as to why the cucumber is proof...
I thought Cucumbers were cultivated by man for over 3000 years to make it look that way
plus where i live the cucumbers are very small and would break easily since we cultivated them that way... plus I've never ever heard of any one using cucumbers in such a way... that is the first time i hear of such a thing!
why would anyone put a vegetable in their behind...
please correct my information as I'm very interested in this!
Thank you for sharing this information with us all and i hope we get to a place with this argument.

Matthew 7:12

Therefore all things whatever you would that men should do to you, do you even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets.

[Pastor Billy-Reuben]

Re: Cumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

Bobby-Joe, you have made me sneaky suspicious of a neighbor of mine. He's single, thin, well groomed (maybe a little TOO well groomed), and he grows CUCUMBERS along his fence every year. They are the short, fat, knobby kind, too. He claims to make pickles with them, but I don't believe him.

I'm thinking I ought to sneak into his yard late one night this summer, and spray some Round-Up for the Lord.

Pastor Billy-Reuben

have you not thought about the fact that your neighbor might just like the taste of cucumbers or pickles? seriously, you guys are far to judgmental.

Friend, I made that post almost three years ago. This thread is 35 pages now and if you haven't read the whole thing I don't blame you, but you may have missed my follow-up post where I confronted that neighbor and my suspicions were confirmed.

I'll post it again here.

That neighbor's cucumber plants were starting to get tall, so I did like I said and sprayed them real good with Round-Up late Thursday night. By yesterday morning, they were dead.

I don't know who saw me and ratted me out, but he came over today banging on my door and demanding to know why I killed his cucumbers. I explained everything, and the look on his face was priceless. He looked like he didn't know whether to crack up laughing or punch me.

He told me I was crazy. Well, I'm not the one growing tough skinned phallic vegetables in the sight of a vengeful God. THAT'S crazy.

Pastor Billy-Reuben

[Redeemed Papist]

Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

You are the biggest liar I have ever met, I thought Christians don't lie? You probably love to shove cucumbers up your ass and sucking dick.

The gradual deterioration of atheists who can't browbeat us into blustering apologies for following God's word into hateful slander is always rather predictable.

[Jon McMichaelson]

Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

You are the biggest liar I have ever met, I thought Christians don't lie? You probably love to shove cucumbers up your ass and sucking dick.

The Bible does not tell us to shove cucumbers in our anus and suck male genitals. So I can already vouch for him and say he does not, as he is a True Christian™, unlike you. Enjoy Hell where Satan can put cucumbers in YOUR anus to see how you like it.

[I once belived]

Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

Brother B-J, I nearly bought a cucumber just the other day.

There I was at the Safeway, gathering fresh vegetables for a church pot luck salad. I had tomatoes, zucchini, baby corn, and all sorts of tasty treats.

There they were: Cucumbers, 2 for $1. What a great way to add some texture to the salad!

I rolled my cart over and picked up one of these succulent delights.

Much to my surprise, it was . . . well, greasy. I set it down and picked up another; also greasy.

A store employee was wandering by, and I asked why the cucumbers were so greasy. "Oh," he said, pointing at an emo-looking stocker, "Billy lubes 'em up with the KY every night in the storeroom. Takes him hours."

Upon seeing my expression of horror, he quickly added, "Dude, it washes off, it won't hurt you or nuthin."

I'm not sure what happened next. I must have fainted from my shock at the matter-of-fact way he told me about "Billy" and the depravity he engaged in with the cucumbers. I awoke in the storeroom, and my behind hurt something fierce.

"Dude, you fell down and landed right on one of them cucumbers. Don't worry, me and Billy, we got it out for you. You OK?"

You are the biggest liar I have ever met, I thought Christians don't lie? You probably love to shove cucumbers up your ass and sucking dick.

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: Cumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

the taste of cucumbers or pickles?

That is disgusting. I just threw up a little in the back of my throat. Why would you bring up the taste of a vegetable people use to anally stimulate themselves? I am sure there is no flavor more disgusting than pickled anus. Eating vegetables used in anal sex is just as disgusting as the homer on homer contact that precedes it.