Another True Christian™ Alternative To WiccanPedo

[Virginia Day Templeton]

https://www.creationwiki.org

The theory of evolution (or general theory of evolution) is a philosophical perspective that stems from an atheistic worldview.

Glory!

Evolutionary ages for the universe have varied wildly over the years. Evolutionist astronomers recently added two billion years to evolution’s speculative age, bumping the age up from 13.7 billion years to 15.8 billion years. [1]

Despite the small variations among Bible scholars, it is obvious from the account of earth’s history recorded in the Bible that the age of the universe is in the thousands, not billions, of years.

How refreshing. The entry on Gastropoda fails to mention the Jesus-as-Snail Hypothesis, however—perhaps one of our senior pastors has editorial access?

[Alaric Reinner]

Re: Another True Christian™ Alternative To WiccanPedo

look at what i found on that site

Those Ten Commandments in full:

1. Thou shalt have no other gods without the appropriate god licence. Call 800-OTHER-GODS for our offers on other gods. Call charges apply. 1-976-FOR-GODS is an unrelated but more entertaining line. Call charges apply there too. Belldandy, Urd, and Skuld are our callers.
2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image with the GNU Image Manipulation Program.
3. Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain, so no crying out 'Jesus H. Christ' when you step on a rake in the garden. You wanna say something? Say 'Holy ****!' Jesus H. Christ is disrespectful. Holy **** is not. As a sidenote, the H has a meaning. Jesus's middle name is actually Harold.
4. Remember the Black Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Hail Ozzy.
5. Honour thy father and thy mother, so long as they honour you, because it cuts both ways buddy.
6. Thou shalt not kill - but obviously there are exceptions such as swatting flies and mosquitos, running over stray dogs on the road, forgetting to feed the goldfish etc. etc., so just use your common sense and try to keep a sense of proportion. Also except in war. Oh, and if he doesn't worship Me. I'm insecure like that. If he worships Allah, Yahweh, Buddha, or Clapton you got the thumbs up...and don't forget that it's all good to kill 'em if they've picked a different version of Jesus as well. Also okay on the second Tuesday of every fourth month, as long you aren't using the Gregorian calender.
7. Thou shalt not commit adultery and get caught, because it's going to hurt. Practice makes perfect - hiding in the wardrobe is an old one, don't bother with that. Plan several escape routes and ensure you have a good alibi. Also a change of clothes is handy, because she can smell the perfume on you when you get home. Think it through, buddy!
8. Thou shalt not steal and get caught. Similar caveats apply.
9. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour, whatever false witness is. We just put this one in to make sure you're paying attention.
10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's ass.
11. First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naught in my sight, shall snuff it.
12. Thou shalt not piss in thy wife's coffee, unless thou is a dog. However, if you get caught pissing in thy wife's coffee, you shall not back out until thy job is done. Go get em' soldier.
13. Thou shalt count the number 13 as the number 10, making this the 10th commandment. Also, triskedekaphobics shall ignore any fear of this number 13, as it is number 10. Also triskedekaphiliacs are fine. Go at it.
14. If you've read this far, you're doing well. Cut out the coupon and send it in for a full rebate.
15. Jesus Shalt have laser eyes. This is Commandment 9.9. Not 15. If you think it says 15, you are wrong.
16. This is Commandment 10. If you have read this far, it proves you haven't a life. Now go read a book or something.

[WiccanCouple6 (On Moderation)]

Re: Another True Christian™ Alternative To WiccanPedo

Gawd, Not another WANNABE Xtain.