Breaking News: Another plaster model of a "human transition"

Ladies and Gentlemen,

First off, let me apologize to you in advance for having been scarce in these parts of late. I have been working extra hard at being a guest-speaker twice a week at Liberty University while continuing my research here at Landover University in conjunction with the thinktank at Bob Jones University. It is quite a load, let me tell you! I don't know what I would do if the good Pastor Deacon Fred weren't so kind as to let me use the taxpayer-funded Lear2009 jets to commute to work every day

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Anyhow, I come to you today to report yet another heinous act performed by the Obama-loving "elitist" crowd: this report:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/33110809/ns/technology_and_science-science/

Of course someone's funding term must be up, so these rock-brained "scientists" dream up some sort of fanciful skeleton on an acid trip and form it out of Plaster of Paris. I've seen it a thousand times, and I regret to say that this is another example of it. I mean just look at the headline picture:

These scientists have about 3 bones and they already are drooling from the mouth about "missing links" and whatnot. In my expert opinion derived from nearly a half hour's worth of e-sleuthing, I can say with 100% certainty that this is just an ordinary human, likely one from Indiana.

I don't even know where to begin pulling this "story" apart. Let's look at a few of their so-called "facts":

Geologist Giday WoldeGabriel of Los Alamos National Laboratory was able to use volcanic layers above and below the fossil to date it to 4.4 million years ago.

Let me be the first to say: SHOW ME THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE. Since when do we age things based on VOLCANOS

And they expect us to just sit back and take this?

Paleoanthropologist Gen Suwa of the University of Tokyo reported that Ardi’s face had a projecting muzzle, giving her an ape-like appearance. But it didn’t thrust forward quite as much as the lower faces of modern African apes do. Some features of her skull, such as the ridge above the eye socket, are quite different from those of chimpanzees. The details of the bottom of the skull, where nerves and blood vessels enter the brain, indicate that Ardi’s brain was positioned in a way similar to modern humans, possibly suggesting that the hominid brain may have been already poised to expand areas involving aspects of visual and spatial perception.

First off, just because we can't pronounce your name doesn't mean you're right, okay Sushi Ping-Pong? And I see lots of big foreheads among African people, so I don't know why you have to assume they're monkeys? Plus, how can you judge how big their brain was? Did you get that one from the volcano too

The pelvis and hip show the gluteal muscles were positioned so she could walk upright.

Leave it to the liberals to try to figure out how to have sex with a fossil.

This is just like bad Hollywood scripting, this sort of ballyhoo about so-called "discoveries". It's no better than the backwoods idiot coming out every year about the Sasquatch living in his basement. Hear that Cousin Cliff? We all know it's just a hairy UPS man.

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