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I was in the church office this morning preparing this Sunday’s bible class when an email came across my desk about another lie from that wicked organization known as NASAtan.
First, they wanted us to accept that the earth is spherical instead of flat like the Bible clearly teaches it is…
1 Sam 2:8b
"...for the pillars of the earth are the LORD'S, and he hath set the world upon them."
Job 9:6
"Which shaketh the earth out of her place, and the pillars thereof tremble."
And now, they want us to believe that our world is in danger of being hit by large, out-of-control rocks called meteors floating around in space that would devastate and kill all life as we know it. But lo and behold, they now say there are far fewer of these rocks than was once thought.
True Christians™ understand that this may be a good sign: maybe these rock findings will get fewer and fewer until there are none. Maybe in time, Jesus will stick his wonderful, blond-haired head into the welded-closed hearts of NASAtan’s ungodly scientists and help them to see the truth as it has been foretold in the Bible. Maybe a few of them will even escape Hell. With God, all is possible. (Mark 9:23)
But how dumb do scientists think we are? This cockamimi story about flying rocks in space is as full of as many holes as a cathylick priest sees on an altar boy; the story doesn’t even make sense; if giant rocks are in space moving towards earth, someone had to have thrown them at us, right? But who could it have been? Not humans. Not angels because the angels only care about us and God’s holy business. That just leaves demons. But demons have no need to throw stones, just the Godly as they carry out biblical laws against witches, homosexuals, and blasphemers. (Exodus 22:18; Lev. 18:22; 24:14)
And scientists are quite stupid for another reason—they give names to these rocks that they say might be coming to hit us. Why name a giant rock that we can’t even see coming but is just supposedly “out there” in “space” somewhere? Doesn’t make any sense, folks, and it certainly isn’t in the Bible.
It is my prayer that Jesus may show the scientists of NASAtan the error of their ways before it is eternally too late.
Pastor Ed
First, they wanted us to accept that the earth is spherical instead of flat like the Bible clearly teaches it is…
1 Sam 2:8b
"...for the pillars of the earth are the LORD'S, and he hath set the world upon them."
Job 9:6
"Which shaketh the earth out of her place, and the pillars thereof tremble."
And now, they want us to believe that our world is in danger of being hit by large, out-of-control rocks called meteors floating around in space that would devastate and kill all life as we know it. But lo and behold, they now say there are far fewer of these rocks than was once thought.
True Christians™ understand that this may be a good sign: maybe these rock findings will get fewer and fewer until there are none. Maybe in time, Jesus will stick his wonderful, blond-haired head into the welded-closed hearts of NASAtan’s ungodly scientists and help them to see the truth as it has been foretold in the Bible. Maybe a few of them will even escape Hell. With God, all is possible. (Mark 9:23)
But how dumb do scientists think we are? This cockamimi story about flying rocks in space is as full of as many holes as a cathylick priest sees on an altar boy; the story doesn’t even make sense; if giant rocks are in space moving towards earth, someone had to have thrown them at us, right? But who could it have been? Not humans. Not angels because the angels only care about us and God’s holy business. That just leaves demons. But demons have no need to throw stones, just the Godly as they carry out biblical laws against witches, homosexuals, and blasphemers. (Exodus 22:18; Lev. 18:22; 24:14)
And scientists are quite stupid for another reason—they give names to these rocks that they say might be coming to hit us. Why name a giant rock that we can’t even see coming but is just supposedly “out there” in “space” somewhere? Doesn’t make any sense, folks, and it certainly isn’t in the Bible.
It is my prayer that Jesus may show the scientists of NASAtan the error of their ways before it is eternally too late.
Pastor Ed
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