Atheist Funerals

[Mary Etheldreda]

How do atheists conduct funerals anyway? Do they sit around and mutter to each other "He's in a molecular place now." Do they have a leader conduct a ceremony and implore the Big Bang to have mercy on the dead body? Do they comfort the widow by saying her dead husband will be good fertilizer in the years to come? How do they even do this? Do they ever cry?

[handmaiden]

Re: Atheist Funerals

How do atheists conduct funerals anyway? Do they sit around and mutter to each other "He's in a molecular place now." Do they have a leader conduct a ceremony and implore the Big Bang to have mercy on the dead body? Do they comfort the widow by saying her dead husband will be good fertilizer in the years to come? How do they even do this? Do they ever cry?

I don't think atheists have emotions. If you can't love Baby Jesus, there just isn't any love in your heart.


And anyway, atheists are just lying to themselves. If it weren't for some deep-seated fear of hell, you know that they would be raping and murdering 24/7. This is why we can't allow atheists to hold office. The first thing that they would do besides outlawing Christianity would be to legalize rape and murder.

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

Re: Atheist Funerals

Sister the atheists I've seen are like robots mechanically functioning without thought or emotion. They have a perverse fascination for cremation which they can't do fast enough when a loved one dies so they can get back to their robotic work. It's horrifying. They should spend more time vacationing, yachting, learning the violin, practicing le fraincais with les young filles to try and relax.

[Dennis Lukes]

Re: Atheist Funerals

The Bible teaches us that atheists are mentally retarded psychopaths (Psalms 14:1). Which, naturally, is the only kind of person who could possibly deny the incontrovertible fact of God's existence. A gathering of atheists for any purpose will inevitably degenerate into an orgy of drug use and blasphemy. When one of their own dies, their only concern is probably to pick his pocket and rape his corpse. Do atheists engage in cannibalism? Without Jesus, why not? They're capable of anything.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Atheist Funerals

How do atheists conduct funerals anyway?

They all rape the corpse, get drunk, vote for Biden and then they start rapping innocent Christian virgins, female and male!

I read that on FaithMeet so it has to be true.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Atheist Funerals

I've always had the impression atheists were just tossed in an incinerator. The person running the "funeral" just checked to see the person was dead. Then he said, "Dead." "Next, let's move it along here."

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Atheist Funerals

When Moses helped out with some sheep, he was a stranger in a strange land, he said. Moses believed in God. Atheists believe in nothing including whether they believe in anything or not. A different author represents their strange condition as unsafe:

“There is no safety this side of the grave”
. ― Robert A. Heinlein, Stranger in a Strange Land

Of course, not wanting to seem left out from a world they cannot comprehend, even though they're aware it exists, additional nonsense gets piled on. God may as well be an emergent property of rocks for all the sense you'll get. Maybe the rocks congealed from molten lava and some of their atoms remained liquid for longer (oceans for example) (other than icebergs) so bubbles could form? In some of those bubbles, weird molecules were trapped, left over from exploding stars, eventually forming a membranous film and existing as prokaryotes or even two membranes and eukaryotic monkeys from whose brains the gods emerged. One of them wrote:

“Thou art god, I am god. All that groks is god.”
. ― Robert A. Heinlein, Stranger in a Strange Land

That's all they've got. Eventually the stars go out so even if their cremated ashes were blasted into the heart of the sun eventually they'd freeze and all activity would cease. In reality though, although they might think an edgy rendition of a well-known melody is entertaining I'm sure after a million years the novelty will wear off. Perhaps that's why dead husbands are seen as good compost? And if there's still no need to cry after hearing this, can there be any hope for them at all?

https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/908211-stranger-in-a-strange-land

[Bezukhov]

Re: Atheist Funerals

As a former atheist, now blessed by the Light of Jesus, let me tell you. We didn't have funerals. No, we would take the corpse to our secret lab and try and reanimate it. Until it decayed to a point when there was no more hope.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Atheist Funerals

Some atheists think they can avoid hell by having themselves super embalmed. They are filled with chemicals and propped up like a department store manikin. Never mind, God knows where they are headed.

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

Re: Atheist Funerals

As a former atheist, now blessed by the Light of Jesus, let me tell you. We didn't have funerals. No, we would take the corpse to our secret lab and try and reanimate it. Until it decayed to a point when there was no more hope.

Some atheists freeze their brain in the hopes they'll come back in 100 or 1000 years and live forever in a magical world of wondrous technology. I think they should unthaw their brains and come up with a better plan because they'll be enjoying eternal afterlife in the lake of fire if they don't check their atheism.

[Dennis Lukes]

Re: Atheist Funerals

Some atheists freeze their brain in the hopes they'll come back in 100 or 1000 years and live forever in a magical world of wondrous technology. I think they should unthaw their brains and come up with a better plan because they'll be enjoying eternal afterlife in the lake of fire if they don't check their atheism.

Imagine if we had that technology now and could thaw out some frozen d-bag from 1522. What would this person have to teach us, to contribute to the society of his future? Absolutely nothing. So what value is some wealthy libertarian atheist going to be to people in 2522? Really it's cowardice is what it is, an attempt to forestall judgment and damnation. But it doesn't work, suckers. After you die, your soul goes to stand before God. Whatever they do with your corpse--freeze it, burn it, eat it--is irrelevant. Nobody cheats Jesus.

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Atheist Funerals

Imagine if we had that technology now and could thaw out some frozen d-bag from 1522. What would this person have to teach us, to contribute to the society of his future? Absolutely nothing. So what value is some wealthy libertarian atheist going to be to people in 2522? Really it's cowardice is what it is, an attempt to forestall judgment and damnation. But it doesn't work, suckers. After you die, your soul goes to stand before God. Whatever they do with your corpse--freeze it, burn it, eat it--is irrelevant. Nobody cheats Jesus.

I wonder what happens to those who were eaten? If I died on a journey to Singapore, before arriving that is say in Borneo or Tahiti or somewhere like that, then was eaten by savages before Christ returned. In what form would I be resurrected?

I Thessalonians 4:16-18 For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first: then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord. Wherefore comfort one another with these words.