[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: 101 ways to protect yourself from vampires:

22. Use full-spectrum light bulbs in your house, and keep all your lights switched on 24/7. The vampires hate that.

[Nobar King]

Re: 101 ways to protect yourself from vampires:

20. Stay in bed and keep the blankets over your head.

21. Silver protective neck-collar.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: 101 ways to protect yourself from vampires:

18. Avoid Democrats.

19. Remember as a Good Christian you know supernatural creatures like vampires don't exist.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: 101 ways to protect yourself from vampires:

17. Shout GET THE GONE IN THE NAME OF JESUS at the top of your lungs while shaking the KJV1611 Bible at them! They will vanish instantly.

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: 101 ways to protect yourself from vampires:

Everyone knows that shooting vampires doesn't stop them, unless you stock silver bullets.

13. Come on down to FREEHOLD FIREARMS on the corner of Exodus and 7th for the biggest stock of silver bullets, rifles, handguns and automatics this side of Transylvania!

Got vampires? No problem! We offer pure silver hollow point slugs that will stop any old bloodsucker at any time of the night, guaranteed!

Whether it's an enormous Wiccan out of Christian blood or a spindly 'World of Warcraft' nerd, FREEHOLD FIREARMS has something to blow them all away straight to the bowels of hell! We accept all major credit cards, cash and local checks! PRAISE JESUS!

Silver bullets are for werewovles, not vampires. Wood bullets would work I guess, as would hollowpoints filled with garlic.


14. Holy Water splashed in their faces makes them melt/smoke.

15. And hello!?! Crosses and strong faith in Jesus keeps them away too!

16. And they're not terribly fond of mirrors since they cast no reflection. So a suit like Chris Isaak wears might do some good.

[Bob4God]

Re: 101 ways to protect yourself from vampires:

13. Come on down to FREEHOLD FIREARMS on the corner of Exodus and 7th for the biggest stock of silver bullets, rifles, handguns and automatics this side of Transylvania!

Got vampires? No problem! We offer pure silver hollow point slugs that will stop any old bloodsucker at any time of the night, guaranteed!

Whether it's an enormous Wiccan out of Christian blood or a spindly 'World of Warcraft' nerd, FREEHOLD FIREARMS has something to blow them all away straight to the bowels of hell! We accept all major credit cards, cash and local checks! PRAISE JESUS!

[Meek and Humble]

Re: 101 ways to protect yourself from vampires:

I should have been clearer. I meant shoot them with an arrow. Wood through a vampire's heart kills them right away.

Also, don't forget they can't get inside your house unless you invite them. So

12. Never invite anyone inside your house.

[Nobar King]

Re: 101 ways to protect yourself from vampires:

Everyone knows that shooting vampires doesn't stop them, unless you stock silver bullets.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: 101 ways to protect yourself from vampires:

11. Sleep with a KV1611 Bible.

I sleep with one KJV1611 Bible over my heart and one on my head every night. Nothing can penetrate that! (If I see a negro in town I will also put one over my lady region).

GLORY!!!

[Max Bayes]

Re: 101 ways to protect yourself from vampires:

10. On any other night, shoot anyone who comes on your property.

[Meek and Humble]

Re: 101 ways to protect yourself from vampires:

9. On Halloween night, shoot anyone who comes on your property.

[Nobar King]

Re: 101 ways to protect yourself from vampires:

8. Don't go to Transylvania, Tasmania, or Australia.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: 101 ways to protect yourself from vampires:

Tithe 30% of your gross to Landover Baptist Church! If you try and jip Jesus, He'll sic vampires on you.

[Max Bayes]

Re: 101 ways to protect yourself from vampires:

The Holy Light that exuberates from a True Christian™ is more than enough to fend off these foul creatures of the undead. Failing that, have a mudslime decoy nearby.

[Nurse Clampett]

Re: 101 ways to protect yourself from vampires:

Stay away from joo lawyers.