I'm thrilled to be getting inseminated by Quincy Ponce's frozen sperm.

[Madame Frottage]

Bonjour my dear friends. I have exciting news. It was discovered my deceased son, Quincy Ponce had a reserve of frozen sperm cells kept at the local sperm bank. So I thought I'd give it a whirl and step up to be the recipient, and see if I can produce a Quincy Jr. It would make me feel better, I've been so depressed since his passing. I've tried to be resilient though and not resort to antidepressants. I know how much we all miss him. But with Jesus and frozen sperm, there's always hope! Father Francoise will be over seeing the blessing of this ritual of manual conception and will be personally handling the turkey baster himself. Please pray that this will go well. Afterall, accidents can happen.

[Madame Frottage]

As I prepare myself for this occasion, with a liberal amount of Vaseline, I am reminded of Lot's daughter's and their cunning courage to keep the family line pure and fruitful.

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

It's a miracle. I feel he is already here.

[Madame Frottage]

Well round one went awry. Father Francoise slipped on a wet patch in the rectory and the baster slipped and jabbed an injury squirting the issue into my mouth by accident. I know in the Bible, what goes inneth cannot come outeth, so I swallowed. Now I'm healing with Vagasil and seeing if there's more issue in the sperm cache.

[Madame Frottage]

Hello everyone following this - I have an update, and sadly, I don't think this procedure will work, and it could be I've been had. It turns out Father Francoise Dickenchildes is not an ordained priest and had no legitimacy performing the act of insemination. Unfortunately, I will have to postpone this for the time being.