My eldest son tried to commit self-murder!

[Dr. Laurie PHD]

My eldest son just tried to murder himself, but of course he's such a limp-wristed you-know-what that he only destroyed some teeth and blew out a cheek (probably not the first thing those cheeks have blown).

For a moment I thought God had finally forgiving me for the punishment he placed on me 13 years ago. You see, back then I was a typical teenage slut, so God chose to punish me, first with crabs, then He escalated to the clap, and finally with my son.

I raised him as well as I could - I beat him until he learned to instinctively surrender all willpower to my authority, when he failed to choose to be straight, I showed him naked men as Focus On The Family recommends. I kept him away from secular influences like TV, music, and public libraries. It wasn't enough.

People my parenting was too authoritarian, too preachy, too violent etc. Well it wasn't enough of that. And now I have to deal with a dental bill which turns out to be the only thing that Obamacare isn't shoveling money at.

Of course, since he's already attempted one murder, no doubt he'll try to kill me next. What's your advice, men? And ladies, what advice do your husbands give?

[Bob4God]

Re: My eldest son tried to commit self-murder!

How did a queer get a gun?

It must be taken away from him immediately before he fornicates with it and shoots others to infect them with AIDS bullets!

You obviously did something right raising the boy if he would want to commit suicide rather than be a homo. Now you just need to finish the job.

I suggest enrolling him in an ex-gay program for the additional help you'll need in beating the gay out of him.

[ExGay Alex]

Re: My eldest son tried to commit self-murder!

I counsel young and pre-teen boys on such matters and as an ex-gay I have some experience in these matters. You have to cast OUT the demon of homosexuality in the name of Jesus.

If you'd like, I'll come over and you hold him down and I'll pull down his pants and spank his bottom so hard he'll never let anyone near it again. You'll need to cure this little faggot before the whole block is infected with AIDS.

He just needs a belt across his hiney. I have a long, thick one that he will meet the hard way if I ever get him across my knee. Let me know if I can help.

[James Hutchins]

Re: My eldest son tried to commit self-murder!

Well Dr. Laurie, I think you are expecting too much of the limp wristed homer. As his mother, you have a responsibility to him. It has been your job to nurture him and teach him the ways of the world. When he was an infant, did you make him climb the stairs on his own or did you lovingly take his hand in yours and pull him up the stairs?
I think next time, you should help him with his tasks, do what you can to make sure it is a success. Think how proud you'll be when your boy accomplishes what he sprayed his mind out to do.

[islandcraz]

Re: My eldest son tried to commit self-murder!

Wow, that's bad for your son to try and commit suicide. However, he might just be doing it for attention. He might also not be around girls that much. Try getting him to hang out with girls, or take him along with you and your girl friends. Beating him will only make it worse in my eyes. However, you're the parent and it is your choice how you wish to raise your son. Good luck!

[islandcraz]

Re: My eldest son tried to commit self-murder!

Wow, that's bad for your son to try and commit suicide. However, he might just be doing it for attention. He might also not be around girls that much. Try getting him to hang out with girls, or take him along with you and your girl friends. Beating him will only make it worse in my eyes. However, you're the parent and it is your choice how you wish to raise your son. Good luck!

EDIT: Wow, that's bad for your son to try and commit suicide. However, he might just be doing it for attention. Beating him will only make it worse in my eyes. However, you're the parent and it is your choice how you wish to raise your son. Good luck!

Sorry, I can't edit my posts due to my 50 infraction points .

[SheepOfGod]

Re: My eldest son tried to commit self-murder!

I think they should bring back that law they had in the good old days when the punishment for atempting suicide was the death penalty.

[islandcraz]

Re: My eldest son tried to commit self-murder!

I think they should bring back that law they had in the good old days when the punishment for atempting suicide was the death penalty.

I'd vote on that .

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: My eldest son tried to commit self-murder!

(I have always found images of a large ##### combined with electric shocks very effective)

[Frostydowns]

Re: My eldest son tried to commit self-murder!

For a moment I thought God had finally forgiving me for the punishment he placed on me 13 years ago. You see, back then I was a typical teenage slut, so God chose to punish me, first with crabs, then He escalated to the clap, and finally with my son.

God forgives, when you forgive you don't worry about what happened and forget about it, forgive and forget, God forgives your wrong doing, and didn't do this to you, you did it yourself.

I beat him until he learned to instinctively surrender all willpower to my authority
He turned because CHILDREN do not understand WHY you beat them, WHY would you beat your son, out of love? that's as low as a wife beater saying "I love you babe but I have to beat you to show authority" KIDS will resent you for this type of action,

when he failed to choose to be straight
You don't PUNISH someone by BEATING them for being a HOMOSEXUAL, that's called ABUSE, there's other ways to deal with things, this isn't one of them. Being a HOMOSEXUAL isn't a choice, it's a chemical imbalance.

showed him naked men as Focus On The Family recommends. I kept him away from secular influences like TV, music, and public libraries. It wasn't enough.
No wonder he tried to kill himself. If I was your son, I would resent you so much.

What you need to do, is sit down and talk WITH not TO your son, by the sounds of things, he resents you, and he probably even thinks you don't love him, you need to sit him down and work these things out, you can't TELL someone to be Christian, and force Christian morals on someone, you need to WORK WITH him, so far what you're doing is wrong, It could be God sending you a wakeup call and HELP your son out, so he's a Homosexual, get him on some medication, he may have psychological torment.

There's so much wrong with what you're doing.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: My eldest son tried to commit self-murder!

Frostydowns,

I think you've missed a point here. Mothers are supposed to instruct their children, not engage them in some sterile debate as if they might have equal rights.