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  • Elmer G. White
    Distinguished Professor of Prayer Healing and Creation Zoology (Baraminology)
    Victim of atheist scientific persecution
     
    • Apr 2014
    • 10274
    #1

    Happy Birthday, Sister Handmaiden!

    May this Birthday be a Happy day for you in expectation of Heaven! May you soon perish only to be lifted up into the Heavens (1 Thessalonians 4:17) to worship Jesus for Eternity! May He pour His essence unto you!

    Acts 2:18
    And on my servants and on my handmaidens I will pour out in those days of my Spirit; and they shall prophesy:

    Due to some financial mishaps, my family is currently devoid of adequate funding to obtain you a present, but I give you a recommendation of a good book that you might enjoy!



    Yours in Christ,

    Elmer
    2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



    PREPARE YOURSELF TO RAPTURE WITH THIS MANUAL!
    Check out our Research in Creation Science:
    Tags: None
    • BrotherLarry
      Revelationary Equine Gnathologist for Christ
      True Christian™
      • Sep 2014
      • 2266
      #2
      Re: Happy Birthday, Sister Handmaiden!

      Beloved Sister,

      May the peace and joy of the Lord Jesus Christ surround you on your birthday like gnats on a sweaty, smelly woman doing housework in her non-air conditioned home on the hottest day in July.

      Glory to God for bringing you to our forums.

      BrotherLarry
      Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
      “The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

      Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
      Amen and Amen

        Comment

        • Mary Etheldreda
          Gushing for Jesus
           
          • Sep 2011
          • 23775
          #3
          Re: Happy Birthday, Sister Handmaiden!

          Happy Birthday my dear Sister in Christ!
          Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

            Comment

            • handmaiden
              Is a good, decent True Christian™ lady
              True Christian™
              • May 2010
              • 11515
              #4
              Re: Happy Birthday, Sister Handmaiden!

              Thank you all, my Beloved Community in Christ. I am spending the day in prayer. I am thanking Jesus for sparing me from hellfire and petitioning Him to hurry up and napalm everyone else whom He didn't see fit to spare.

              Waiting for my birthday to arrive is nowhere near as hard as waiting for Jesus to come a second time. By the way, someone made a comment to me about a "refractory period". I ignored that person because they are still stuck in their Papist sin and it sounded like some nonsense a priest would go on about.


              Praise the LORD!!
              His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me.

              Guns For God and the Economy

                Comment

                • James Hutchins
                  True Christian™
                  Just a Regular Nice Guy
                   
                  • Jun 2009
                  • 29453
                  #5
                  Re: Happy Birthday, Sister Handmaiden!

                  Happy birthday young lady. May you end the day by being with child and feeling of self worth.
                  Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
                  Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
                  Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
                  Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
                  Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
                  Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

                    Comment

                    • Basilissa
                      South of the Border outreach program
                      True Christian™
                       
                      • Mar 2013
                      • 12992
                      #6
                      Re: Happy Birthday, Sister Handmaiden!

                      Happy Birthday, Beloved Sister in Christ!


                      God created fossils to test our faith.

                      * * *

                      My favorite LBC sermons:
                      True Christians are Perfect!
                      True Christian™ Love.
                      Salvation™ made Easy!
                      You can’t be a Christian if you don’t believe the Old Testament.
                      Jesus is impolite. Deal with it.
                      Jesus is xenophobic and so should we.
                       Sanctity of Life is NOT a Biblical Concept.
                      Biblical view on modern-day slavery.
                      The Immorality of the "Universal Declaration of Human Rights."
                      Geneva Conventions vs. The Holy Bible.
                      God HATES Rational Thinking!
                      True Christian™ Man as a spitting image of God.

                        Comment

                        • maxgraham
                          Unsaved trash
                          Under Investigation
                          • Oct 2017
                          • 1
                          #7
                          Re: Happy Birthday, Sister Handmaiden!

                          Very Happy Birthday, Sister Handmaiden! May all your dreams come true!!
                          http://www.happybirthdaycake2015.com...ay-images.html

                            Comment

                            • Didymus Much
                              Unsaved trash, Arrogant Atheist Dick
                              • Jun 2010
                              • 14079
                              #8
                              Re: Happy Birthday, Sister Handmaiden!

                              Originally posted by maxgraham View Post
                              Very Happy Birthday, Sister Handmaiden! May all your dreams come true!!...
                              Doesn't bother to introduce himself like he was told to in his welcoming email, lurks for weeks without saying a word, pops into a complete stranger's birthday wishes thread like anyone knew who the hell he was or what he wanted or why he was even there to begin with?


                              Definitely not creepy-stalkerish at all.

                                Comment

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